Hey there, Kevin. I've been reading your script, and you've definitely got a piece that seems like it will be quite a fun experience to film.
The introduction does a good job making the audience really know what sort of person your main character is. I do have to say, though, that his little speech he gives to Liz after the funeral, about all of his responsibilities and so on, is a little too much. Given that Liz is his girlfriend here, she would probably already know a lot of the finer details, and a good chunk of it is not really necessary information for the audience. It feels really unnatural for him to just be listing off all these responsibilities as though he's listing off achievements and experiences on a job interview. David telling Liz the name of his charity is a good example of something that could definitely be cut from that block of text.
In this same scene, at the end, I would also cut out David's line of "this is awkward, we've still got..." completely. If you want to convey the awkwardness of the situation and the added information of how much longer they have to sit in the car together, you could try and replace that with, perhaps, a fake sound clip of a GPS announcing some directions that have a good chunk of distance between them, like "In 1 mile, bear left, then, in 40 miles, take exit 295." That or maybe do a POV shot looking at a GPS to show the estimated travel time. It'll feel more natural than just having the character say it, I feel.
The lead in to the crazy date night is good, don't think I would change a thing about it.
The restaurant scene: For one, the server wouldn't just say "Yeah, that's ok" to Kim asking if she could go in the kitchen and wash a glass. Even a first-time server would know it's definitely not ok for a customer to just go into the kitchen and do whatever. Unless you're going for some really zany, surreal comedy, I would probably change this. I might suggest you have it so that, if you want to show Kim being OCD about cleanliness, have her ask the server to bring an empty glass and then have her pull out some antibacterial wipes and go to the bathroom to clean the glass. This might also be a good opportunity to add in the two ladies bumping into each other as Kim leaves the bathroom with the glass and Brandi goes into the bathroom after they order their meals.
Other than those three things, really, I thought the script was pretty fun. Wish you guys lots of luck, looking forward to hearing how production goes!
