They are not even a paid band... Just a few guys jamming on a regular basis, doing a party or two each year.
That makes it tough, all right...
They only have a mix board (PA) for the singer(s), nothing else is mic-ed. ... should I mic the center of the "stage" just in front? ...
The tough part is going to be finding the "sweet spot" that captures a good balance of PA and band. Surprisingly this can be almost directly over the stage - if the band is using vocal monitors. Otherwise, as I mentioned, most often it would be in front of the stage so you get the stage instruments and the vocals from the PA.
For me to get good levels from the DR-40, do I want to get things to -20db average?? ... my input levels should have been lower where it was located I guess.
It's always a guessing game. Between -20dB and -12dB should be okay. This is one of those instances where you will want to engage the limiter, but where it cuts in a few dB above your optimum level. If you're general level during sound check is -20dB the band will be hitting -12dB by the end of the first song and be climbing from there, so set the limiter so it cuts in at about -10dB and -8 dB. You may want to start at a lower level.
As an aside, back when I was gigging clubs consistently, I almost always boosted my main level from three to about four (I had a
VERY powerful system for my keyboard rig) by the end of the first song, and as the club filled and the rest of the band cranked it up I might get all the way up to six. It's funny, but the bigger the stage the less I had to increase volume over the course of a night as I was more isolated sonically from the rest of the band and relied more on the stage monitors. That's why I loved gigs like the Beacon Theatre, the Apollo, Carnagie Hall, outdoor festivals, etc. Those huge pro systems were freakin'
AWESOME!!!!! They were so big and powerful you didn't have to get overly loud.
... should I be recording with two identical mics plugged into the DR? Balanced mic.s of course??
Yes, a matched pair of decent mics will sound a lot better than the DR-40 internal mics. They are also easier to place; "hang" them from the ceiling if you can - you may be able to "anchor" them to a light bar/truss.
Man I have a lot to learn.
You bet your a$$!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry about it; one of the marks of a professional is knowing that there is
always more to learn.