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watch First try at a short film.

D

Dexter7176

Hi everyone this is my first attempt at directing a short film, I am in my last year of a scriptwriting degree and had the option of making a short film. Our group consisted of scriptwriters so we had no idea on how to make a film, we selected horror as we are all writers, therefore strange. It was a massive learning curve and really enjoyable, as a group we have not made a short film before. We had massive problems, in particular the reception scene we filmed a few test shots then we were told by the hotel owner we couldn't film there. We had to edit and dub the test shots into the film and change the script as the short had to be 5 mins long. One of the actors dropped out so I had to stand in as I was the right age 40+.
Well here is the link, all feedback is good!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1JWhvkTky9o&desktop_uri=/watch?v=1JWhvkTky9o
Thanks
 
Pretty good! The screen looks compressed but that is probably youtube or the outdoor format you chose for this copy. I am guessing the original does not look like that. Also, don't bother with a title sequence, since audiences only seem to care about those if it's a Hollywood movie. That's what I hear often anyway, leave the titles for the end if it's unknowns. But its not written in stone of course :).
 
It's good, especially for a first and considering you are all screenwriters. Though, the only truly "scary" scene was the shower scene, just because it was tediously long and you knew SOMEthing was going to happen. I am glad you stuck with making the point apprehension, instead of just shocking people with a loud noise and a scary image in their face.
 
Hello new dude :cool:

Interesting short, but there were a few things that bothered me. First off, for a five minute short, you don't need two minutes of credits. Open the film with the girl and her drawings. Then have a title, and if you really need it, put in a written and directed by:. The other thing that annoyed me was the zooming. Zooming looks amateurish, especially if the zoom stops and starts, or the aperture/exposure changes. Stay away from the zoom button. I was also not happy with the music. Hire a composer. Royalty-free music is recognizable. Your main track is called "House of Leaves". It's from Incompetech.com.

I like the cinematography and story. There's definitely some Kubrick influence (like RED ROBOT said), mainly visually. The ending is interesting, and the film overall has a strange non-linear and surreal Lynch-style quality. Another thing I have to admire is the lack of jump scares. Most modern horror films rely on gore and jump scares. Like The Shining, the film has a more slow, unnerving quality, using suspense instead of violence.

Nice job!
 
Following from previous posters, credits, no, zoom, no . . . these stick out the most. Too slow for me. I quit about 2:00.

Good luck.
 
Welcome and good job. Others have pointed out the major weak points. The one thing that bugged me was the analog static on a digital TV. That took me out of the story rather quickly.
 
Quick observations:

I didn't like the credits during the opening sequence - pulled me out of the short.

Why the Beethoven? It's very recognizable and seems to have no connection with the project.

Creepy music was very over used.

What was the point of the crackling sound for the hand at approx. 02:00?

I didn't get the connection between the little girl and the hotel guest.

I didn't care for the "I'm watching you" dialog. It was obvious he/it was watching, especially when the film is called "Watcher."


And, of course, as a sound guy, there was nothing in the way of Foley or sound effects. It sounded like it was all production sound. Sound, especially in horror, has a very profound impact.

"Sound is half of the experience."
 
Hi thanks for the feedback it greatly appreciated, I promise I will never zoom again:). The credits we had to do because the university module specified that we needed to do it. Basically we were a production company and had to produce a film that was 5 minutes long give or take a couple of seconds. Thanks red robot for the great compliment, the shinning was also a definite influence. We showed this in the cinema and got some great feedback, the tv static LCD has only been noticed by someone on here. We new about but we gambled it wouldn't be picked up, well spotted! The shower music is stretched perhaps we should have just had shower sounds then a quick build up of music. The crunching hand was supposed to make me come across as a weird/ supernatural being, I created the sound pulling cooked chicken legs apart and combined this with snapping celery sticks. The reception scene was going to be longer highlighting me being a supernatural character (I had drilled out dice and put magnets in them to have them flipping and dancing etc) but couldn't develop the character more as the hotel owner kicked us out of reception for Health and safety reasons:huh: in essence the character did not develop. We only had the day to shoot and we also had to change the script because of the reception mess! Hiring a composer would of been great but the criteria was to film it with no budget unfortunately. I did really enjoy making a film and will be making more films in the future thanks for your comments I have learnt a lot just from them. Cheers
 
ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Hello new dude :cool:

Interesting short, but there were a few things that bothered me. First off, for a five minute short, you don't need two minutes of credits. Open the film with the girl and her drawings. Then have a title, and if you really need it, put in a written and directed by:. The other thing that annoyed me was the zooming. Zooming looks amateurish, especially if the zoom stops and starts, or the aperture/exposure changes. Stay away from the zoom button. I was also not happy with the music. Hire a composer. Royalty-free music is recognizable. Your main track is called "House of Leaves". It's from Incompetech.com.

I like the cinematography and story. There's definitely some Kubrick influence (like RED ROBOT said), mainly visually. The ending is interesting, and the film overall has a strange non-linear and surreal Lynch-style quality. Another thing I have to admire is the lack of jump scares. Most modern horror films rely on gore and jump scares. Like The Shining, the film has a more slow, unnerving quality, using suspense instead of violence.

Nice job!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the great feedback! The zoom had taken ages for me to do it was a nightmare. I didn't realise until after that its rookie mistake. I agree with everything you have said, cheers.
 
Dexter7176 said:
Hiring a composer would of been great but the criteria was to film it with no budget unfortunately. I did really enjoy making a film and will be making more films in the future thanks for your comments I have learnt a lot just from them. Cheers
Click to expand...

Here on IndieTalk, we have many composers that are willing to work for free/little. That's just something to keep in mind in the future.

Dexter7176 said:
Thanks for the great feedback! The zoom had taken ages for me to do it was a nightmare. I didn't realise until after that its rookie mistake. I agree with everything you have said, cheers.
Click to expand...

You're welcome! Zooming can be okay in some situations, but often looks amateurish in lo/no budget productions. Besides that, I think the camera work in the film was great.

Thanks for the reply :)
 
harmonica44 said:
Pretty good! The screen looks compressed but that is probably youtube or the outdoor format you chose for this copy. I am guessing the original does not look like that. Also, don't bother with a title sequence, since audiences only seem to care about those if it's a Hollywood movie. That's what I hear often anyway, leave the titles for the end if it's unknowns. But its not written in stone of course :).
Click to expand...

Thanks! The only reason the credits were in was because it was specified by the university module. Thanks for the feedback.:)
 
KnightsFan said:
It's good, especially for a first and considering you are all screenwriters. Though, the only truly "scary" scene was the shower scene, just because it was tediously long and you knew SOMEthing was going to happen. I am glad you stuck with making the point apprehension, instead of just shocking people with a loud noise and a scary image in their face.
Click to expand...
Hi thanks, I tried to build the tension rather than having loads of jump scares, the shower scene I think needed less of the tension music and more of punchy sound when we get to the scary bit. Thanks for the feedback.:)
 
Alcove Audio said:
Quick observations:

I didn't like the credits during the opening sequence - pulled me out of the short.

Why the Beethoven? It's very recognizable and seems to have no connection with the project.

Creepy music was very over used.

What was the point of the crackling sound for the hand at approx. 02:00?

I didn't get the connection between the little girl and the hotel guest.

I didn't care for the "I'm watching you" dialog. It was obvious he/it was watching, especially when the film is called "Watcher."


And, of course, as a sound guy, there was nothing in the way of Foley or sound effects. It sounded like it was all production sound. Sound, especially in horror, has a very profound impact.

"Sound is half of the experience."
Click to expand...
Hi thanks for watching, the sound is a weak point for me, I've read your blog and there's some great advice that I will use in my future shorts. The only Foley sound we used was the crunching of the hand I combined pulling chicken legs apart with snapping celery sticks. Thanks for the feedback it is greatly appreciated.:)
 
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