archived-videos first short film

i just realized this might not go under the narrative category ,sorry. im not exactly sure what kind of film it is.
 
Hi, Carlos

I'm not going to watch five minutes of (presumably) you digging through the random stuff in your crib.
I clicked it off @ <2min.

The tattoos on the hands are more interesting than either the shots or the story:
- shaky-cam of me-POV picking up my glasses
- static tripod shot of Mary drape being put down by me
- mirror shot of running water in sink with titillating toothbrush action
- left hand shaky-cam me-POV opening the fridge with my right hand
- right hand shaky-cam me-POV getting a bottle from the fridge with my left hand
- left hand shaky-cam me-POV opening the drawer with my right hand. (Fumble to get the can opener FTW!)

Okay, we're at 37 seconds now.

- camera's on the counter while I open the bottle
- right hand shaky-cam me-POV getting a apple
- then the beer bottle
- tripod shot of me picking up keys, pocket knife, book, put the keys on the book, move these items from one spot to...
- another tripod shot of me putting them down on another spot, a stack of books, and some LPs. And don't forget the water bottle. ???!
- tripod penis-cam watching me open the record player
- similar shot from the left, only from shoulder height (thank God) of me removing a record
- jump cut same camera position to me at the stack of books and picking an album jacket.
- jump cut same camera position to me walking away from the record player

Okay, now we're at 1:12.
Almost 1/5 of the way through the story and what do I got?

Dude documenting his morning.

Cool.

Can't wait to see what happens next... !

Ah!
Dude digging through his album collection.
Yawn.
Over thirty seconds of gratuitous jump cutting digging through albums in a box.
Yay!!!

Click.


What was the story you wanted to tell?
Seriously.

Story is where most people have the most difficulty.

I want to know the story.
I want to know why I should learn it and have a take away.

FWIW, the B&W is fine.
The compositions and lighting are fine.
And I'm totally cool with the SD quality, as well.
Technical issues aside, it's exclusively "the story" that's the impediment at this point.
(Shaky-cam isn't helping, but first things first). ;)
 
thanks for looking into it, i really appreciate all your comments!

What was the story you wanted to tell?
Seriously.
i did not have one in mind i was just filming my self through out the day. i eventually make it out of the house i swear!

i guess it was more of me testing out things with the camera like different shots and trying to see how it all looked.

thanks again though!
 
Alright, dude, I think you were going for an observant, arty, Gus Van Sant-y tone, but there's not much for us to grab on to. I think this would be better if you edited it down to like a minute. At 3:30, you show us a shot of a light switch, and then you switch it off. You could have began the shot at the moment your fingers switch off the light. We didn't need to see a couple seconds of the switch before you turned it off. I've never used iMovie, but I know it's difficult to edit with, so I'm not sure how closely you can get into the frames to make precise cuts. That's one of the benefits of a program like Final Cut Pro.

I noticed a problem that's common to POV-stuff: if you hold the camera as you shoot, and the shot is supposed to be your POV, when you open a drawer and grab something inside, or flick off the light switch, I can tell you're searching for it, like your hands are fumbling, because you're looking at the camera's viewfinder instead of the actual thing you're trying to touch. It's like a seam that shows in a garment that you're trying to sew.

Be careful to frame the shots well. For instance, at 3:22, part of your face is cut off.

Cool, Carlos. The video's a noble first effort. Next time, think of a beginning, middle, and end to your story. It could be simple, like you wake up and realize you don't have tooth paste, so you walk to the grocery store, and on the way you find some toothpaste on the ground. You grab the toothpaste and go home. haha That would be stupid, but it's just an example of a story with a beginning, middle, and end. Good luck.

 
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