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watch First Short Film: Imaginary Lives

J

jeremyhung

Hi guys,
some of you might've read the thread I created a while ago about my short film.

Here it is, done. I would definitely love to see some feedback on anything (ex. directing, writing, acting, editing).

One of my biggest concerns is that the viewers won't get my film in the end.

Also, please keep in mind this is my first short film, and I'm 14 years old with limited supplies, haha.

Remember to click watch in HD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrwVuVSoVQ
 
Alrighty to start that you did this much at 14 without any classes is amazing. That being said, there is a lot that could be better. First off the acting was pretty bad especially during the "suicide" scene. there was little emotion throughout the entire conversation. The image seemed overexposed badly when they were sitting down on the bench. Also i would say that the story was pretty dry. It was very slow paced and left me wondering around the screen looking for other issues with the film, which is never good. As I said before, this is a good place to start. I myself have been through some film school and have seen films there that are much worse off than this one. The most important thing is to not give up and to continue building on your previous work.
 
Thanks for the comment, yes I've caught a lot of mistakes while editing the film, but wasn't able to fix them due to our tight work schedule and due date.

I'll keep in mind the mistakes I made this time, and fix it in my next film. I also noticed how slow paced the film was, and will try speed things up (cut out unnecessary stuff) as well.

I over exposed the ending because I wanted it a little more obvious that the last part was all made up and fake.

Thanks for the suggestions!
 
spankydoesfilm said:
Alrighty to start that you did this much at 14 without any classes is amazing. That being said, there is a lot that could be better. First off the acting was pretty bad especially during the "suicide" scene. there was little emotion throughout the entire conversation. The image seemed overexposed badly when they were sitting down on the bench. Also i would say that the story was pretty dry. It was very slow paced and left me wondering around the screen looking for other issues with the film, which is never good. As I said before, this is a good place to start. I myself have been through some film school and have seen films there that are much worse off than this one. The most important thing is to not give up and to continue building on your previous work.
Click to expand...

If this is amazing for a 14 year old, then I might as well have had a contract with Universal at age 10.

To the filmmaker: Study what filmmaking really is. It's more than capturing pictures. That being said, yes you are 14, and continue working at your craft. I suggest buying a book on filmmaking tips. Framing shots, sound, story, etc.
This could help you greatly.
Good luck
 
I would say "bravo" for your project at age 14.

I would ignore the negativity in any of the above posts - and that's different from critisism - which it appears you digest very well.

One of the key points - about lack of emotion - there is often a tendency to overact which makes the perfermance LESS credible that if there is lack of emotion.

In the suicide scene, it is very credible that individuals can be devoid of emotion.

If you continue to improve your craft I expect to see your work featured more often.

Good luck.
 
Thanks Ian for the encouraging comments :)
jaredp: yes I have filmmaking books

back to Ian

I'm glad you saw that, I tried, in the suicide scene, to make it look as if the pregnant girl does not seem to care whether she jumps or not. That's also why I added the 'see you tomorrow' before she jumped. I know some people who don't tend to show as much emotion as well.

Again, thanks Ian for the great comments!
 
In the prologue scene, I really liked the quote that Kasey said - "true friendship is seen through the heart and not the eyes". It worked really well with the movie.

When we heard from "Paul" I started to get a little confused, I also thought that the whole "Hillary Clinton farting" thing was kind of not necessary... The audio and lighting could have been improved a little too, and I understand that it was a real cafeteria and so you couldn't make any alterations to help the shot but... Why not choose somewhere that had better lighting? :)

I have to agree with the lack of emotion for the next "friend". Why was she even on the roof committing suicide anyway? She didn't seem very depressed to me (especially with the whole "it's easy to make friends" feel-good attitude), and if we were supposed to just "know" that there were heaps of bad stuff happening to her, there could have been a little hint to her feeling bad (bullying etc.) She just came all out with the "I was feeling really dull, and I figured I may as well kill myself"... I was pretty dumbfounded - what was going on there?

That scene didn't get much better, the whole "Are you pregnant too? Is that why you're ..." "Oh, no. Why are you here?" ... "I'm pregnant" seemed really unnatural. I guess it was trying to be comical, and her "exit" kind of made me laugh but only on the inside. Also, a 20 metre fall wouldn't kill you? I think I'd be pretty much dead from plummeting into pure concrete from 20 metres. I'd be lucky if I didn't.

Megen was another "quirky" character, though the conversation was kind of lacking. It didn't go anywhere, and though it got them to their "final point" where they go to Starbucks or whatever, it was really pointless. It seemed more like improvisation than scripted. But, I guess the whole point of it is making friends with everyone even if your personalities don't click.

Overall it was pretty good, but I don't agree with the message. "You only need a name, an age where they were born and their traits" ... "the more you know about them makes you less likely to be friends" What? I think you should look for friends that you can tell everything to and you know them better than your back hand. I think I'd prefer to have a select group of friends who I work well with, who I can trust etc. I think this part could have been cut out.

Well I tried to make it as constructive as possible, and as I am your own age, I think I'm allowed to say that "regardless of your age, when you're putting yourself in an industry for adults, you should be able to make a product just as good".

Well done btw, I enjoyed it. :)
 
I think that's a helluva job for a 14 year old. Your shots and angles are pretty well composed, your story has a cohesive flow, the editing is good...

I think as a project it's pretty good, especially at your age. Of course there are many aspects that are lacking, but that's OK...this should all be a great learning experience for you. The material and presentation wasn't really my cup of tea...but I can respect all the work that went into it.

I don't at all mean to judge you or your experiences, but I think a lot is gained from age...not that you have lived a vapid life void of experience...I'm just saying in time your voice and vision will blossom, and you will have different things to say to different people in a different way...your films will mature along with you. As of now, I can tell this film is being shot by a teenager with a specific life-view, as well as a limited skill-set...which is all totally cool, trust me. Right now you should be honing your technical skills as a filmmaker and your voice as a storyteller.

I see a lot of promise...

ps. I'm not at all being a lecherous old man, but your lead girl is beautiful. Kind of a Penelope Cruz kinda thing going on...
 
Wow, thanks Lochsley and michael for the great comments.

to lochsley:
the paul part was filmed for a previous script, and we changed most of it to a new draft, and tried to use it well in this one, so I agree it is a bit crappy. and the hilary clinton thing was unnecessary too. i do realise now I shouldn't have done the suicide scene, or at least used a different approach, because it kinda screwed up the feel for the film in general.

as for the last party "all u need is a name and age, and a new friends made". i think most ppl didn't get my message clearly, its supposed to mean that all her friends were made up, and all she needs to make a new one is a name and age. its about imaginary friends, and the ending is supposed to point it out a little more clearly. "i just like to keep it simple, and keep making friends. It's a pun, really. Tagline is also casey "makes" a lot of friends. "makes" as in create. i wish i could've sent that message a more directly, haha.
thanks for all ur comments!

michael:
thanks for reply, and i agree that a few years later my films will say something else. i'd like to direct some more mature/serious films myself. and i'm planning to do so in my next film, haha.

i'll tell the girl that you think she's pretty :)


Jeremy
Follow me on twitter! www.twitter.com/jrhmy

and check out my tumblr: www.jrhmy.tumblr.com
 
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