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archived-videos First short film, critique needed!

A

andre.schuman

Hello, I'm a relatively new poster on these forums (I've been around for a bit, but have been very quiet). Anyway, I recently wrote/directed/edited my first 'serious' short film with a minimum budget and acting talent for a local film festival in my area.

https://vimeo.com/80728100

I realize that there were many things I did wrong, such as inconsistencies with sound quality etc., and I'd love to hear some honest and open critique about any aspects of the film from other filmmakers on here. I want to keep improving myself for future projects. Thank you very much!
 
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I thought it was pretty good.

Did you intend for some shots to have static images flashing? Also some of the footage seemed to shake, not from you holding the camera, but the actual footage would shake a little.

Of course the sound could have been a littler better, but you already knew that. Lighting seemed fine to me.

Had some really good shots, although I think using a tripod for some would have helped.
 
I stopped at :37. You've got some good things going on. But the camera shake needs to go. Good move to cut right into the action at the first frame.

Good luck.
 
Feedback: Story

First off just want to say congrats on completing your first film!

I wanna go more into storytelling vs your overall aesthetic of your film. As you go along your filmmaking career your gonna pick up on new tricks as well as find your niche as a filmmaker. However if there is anything that this film suffers from is lack of focus.

In a short film you have a very limited time period to make things happen, and you can't clutter your film with elements that distract the audience what is truly important (Armageddon, getting mugged, etc.) Find a theme or a feeling that you want to leave your audience by the end of the film and use that as your guideline when writing your film. The end of the world, getting mugged, and EMP's are all just rabbit trails that don't get resolved and complicate your story way too much. Keep it simple.

Opening your film with conflict is a good choice, however I have a hard time figuring out what that conflict is (why is his father angry with him? Why doesn't your protagonist txt his gf back? etc.). The conflict is never explored more than people being angry at one another. This is interesting stuff that your characters really need to dig in more. Hook your audience from the very beginning and give your audience a reason to hang on.

If your protagonist is distancing himself from those who love him why? Manifest the internal through the external and SHOW your audience what's going though your characters head.

If you can take anything that you can learn from this first film is to SHOW the audience instead of telling us what's going on. All I saw in this movie is a character who has a problem and realizes that he needs to fix it. Ok, but an audience wants more than that. They want to go on this experience with your protagonist; that's why they're watching your film.

Other than that you have a lot of really good things going for you (although I would recommend a little more rehearsal or having auditions for principal cast members lol). Keep up making films and stay golden.
 
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