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First few scenes of my screenplay

K

kid_filmmaker

Ok I've written the first few scenes of my screenplay below. The screenplay I decided to write is not horror. After some hard thinking, I think I'm going to do something that doesn't involve a real life curse :P This story I'm writing is about four friends who reunite during the summer amid heightened racial relations in their city following the death of a young, black male. So please let me know what you think of the beginning scenes. I decided to post the link publicly to get the opinions of everyone. Thank you :)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3vDnnIElLb3ejIwd2N0ajBPems/view?usp=sharing
 
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I'm not really sure what's going on in the script, but then it is just a bit of setup.

I'm not sure you mean "Superlative", btw.

In terms of general writing, you make the common mistake of including information in the action direction that there is no way of showing on screen in that moment - for example describing people's personalities. Obviously as you plan to make the film yourself it's not such a big deal, but it's better to start writing without bad habits than to have to break out of them later! :)
 
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maz said:
I'm not really sure what's going on in the script, but then it is just a bit of setup.

I'm not sure you mean "Superlative", btw.

In terms of general writing, you make the common mistake of including information in the action direction that there is no way of showing on screen in that moment - for example describing people's personalities. Obviously as you plan to make the film yourself it's not such a big deal, but it's better to start writing without bad habits than to have to break out of them later! :)
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Yes, it is just a bit of the setup, doesn't superlative mean - Oh I should've put superimpose! :bang: oops, lol :rofl: I'll change that and yeah I put in character personalities because I saw it in other scripts - directors putting in character personalities but I can take that out. Since this is a script about race relations, is putting in their races alright? Or should that be left out?
 
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kid_filmmaker said:
Yes, it is just a bit of the setup, doesn't superlative mean - Oh I should've put superimpose! :bang: oops, lol :rofl: I'll change that and yeah I put in character personalities because I saw it in other scripts - directors putting in character personalities but I can take that out. Since this is a script about race relations, is putting in their races alright? Or should that be left out?
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The thing with character personalities is that they should emerge from the action and dialogue - so there is no need to say what kind of a personality someone has. It should be clear within a few minutes of the film anyway. The flip side of course is that if your character's action and dialogue makes him arrogant and obnoxious, then no amount of "Bob is mild mannered, kind..." in the action block will help!

This is different to physical characteristics (if they are relevant to a character). For example, if a character needs to be fat for the plot to work, or needs to have a limp or anything like that, and similarly with how people look, if that's relevant or reveals something about their character - the key is that it all these things can be shown on screen (and need to be taken into account when casting etc).

For a drama about race relations, I would say that if the race of a particular character is important then including it is absolutely crucial!
 
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Daniel_S said:
When dealing with text, I use CHYRON:
for example: CHYRON: Twelve years later.
I'm not sure what others do or what the 'standard' is.
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That's an old, outdated term for video graphics. "chyron" is
typically used to note when a logo or animation is generated
and placed on a TV screen - and usually done live.

Text is commonly called a "super" short for superimpose.
 
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Alright that makes sense. Wasn't sure what it was in the script setting. But when I do character generation for live broadcast I use the chyron lyric system.
Good to know super is the up to date term.
 
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Daniel_S said:
But when I do character generation for live broadcast I use the chyron lyric system.
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Exactly. But for a screenplay (which is not a live broadcast) the term
chyron isn't used. Even in post production Lyric wouldn't be used to
generate the text on the screen.

For a beginning screenwriter it's helpful to know how things are written
in a screenplay rather than what is done for live broadcasting.
 
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Agreed. And I wouldn't want to misslead or muddy the world of film and live. I'm saying that I just used it, as that's what I had heard was the way one was supposed to denote text on screen-in a screenplay. I accepted that. To me it made sense as I connected what I knew of live in my mind. If anything, I figured both chyron and super were acceptable, indeed, interchangeable in the screenplay world. But now knowing that in reality chyron isn't the correct term for a screenplay also makes sense. More, sense actually. Thanks for setting me straight.
 
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