Film Production Jokes

I have come across some various sites with Film Production Jokes and though everyone here may have some or could share their favorites.

As a production manager, i'll go first with one I just came up with......

How many Line Producer/UPM's does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it will take three months to get the right crew, budget, schedule, and approve the plan!
How does a screenwriter write a joke?


A CHICKEN stands at the edge of a barren country road, preparing to cross.......
Last edited:
How come DP's don't smoke?

Cuz it would take them forever to light it.

I think I got that one from one of the old-timer's of this site. :lol:


IndieTalk's Resident Guru
How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Fourteen. You got a problem with that?

Why does the sound guy say, "One, Two. One, Two?"
Because on three you lift something.

What is the difference between a DP & God?
God doesn’t think he’s a DP

How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Alcove Audio

Business Member
Why is thunder after lightning?
Because even God has to wait for sound.

How do you piss off a location sound mixer?
haha mussonman, you should send those to the Oscars.
Or write 5 mins. of material & be the (first?) standup/host at film festivals.
Director to actor:
".... so you approach the heroine and take her in your arms, then kiss her passionately. As you slowly lay her down on the bed, and begin to tear off her underwear, I want to see the raw animal nature of lust combined with sensuality that only two estranged soul-mates, desparate to embrace the physical embodiment of their lust for each other, can convey."
Actor's reply:
"So.... what's my motivation?"