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Enemy Combatant Script

ussinners

ussinners

I've put up a page where you can download and read my first stage play Enemy Combatant.

Since it's only 42 pages (and the first is the title/cast/Scene page) it's too short to post at any screenwriting sites. Plus, it's not a screenplay, so it won't read the same. The format is pretty well on. But, stage plays to be truly interesting and entertaining need thick dialogue which doesn't just tell you what you need to know outright. It does need exposition, but not always so spot on.

This is of course a slight upgrade from the first draft, but it still needs work. First, I need some feedback.

So, if you have a little time to kill (it's only 42 pages) and think you can handle it, have a look and give some thoughts. I think you'll get the gist of what I'm going for. PLEASE: I know I make a lot of punctuation mistakes. They will be taken care of once I have a product I'm happy with. It's a little more difficult to read because of the punctuation, but if you've ever read a text message, e-mail, or many posts at a forum, you should have little problems dealing with the script.

Below is the address to download the script in PDF format.

http://ussinners.com/enemy.htm

Thanks in advance.
 
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It’s really good. The few things that struck me are just kinks that would likely be worked out as you refine draft to draft, but here they are:


1. Too much “Shut up” from Joanne in the beginning.

2. Joanne glares at him seems un-stage like.

3. The gloating from Quincy is unbelievable and jolting.

4. Too much “fuck” from Guard 1 and Guard 2, sounds unrealistic.

5. When Joanne is done with Quincy, and Cutler and the Ex wife are in the mix, BUT BEFORE Joanne comes back and says maybe Quincy murdered them. It would be good if we felt that Joanne or someone is off running down leads. I mean, obviously they are, but more definitive certainty of this and then maybe a phone call from her along the way would help impart a sense of hope, like we will feel “She is going to find something out, they are wrong about Quincy, he IS innocent, how is this going to turn out?” Then a phone call from her to Mark to further this false hope. This would lend a continued and greater sense of urgency to Quincy’s plight, a race against the clock kind of, and ultimately a higher place for our expectations to fall from at the end.

6. The Nam story is a hard pill of back story to swallow, it’s coming off like Ted Striker’s “..That day over Macho Grande.” memories. I would offset this by planting curiosity about his memories, prompting it from conflict a little harder and shortening the memory. If we (The audience) want to know, the character has to tell, and it’s brief then we won’t even notice it.

7. I’m not real sure about the end, I get where you are coming from with it, but at the same time it feels a little too much like Rod Serling is going to walk out and give a closer. I guess I wanted a greater impact at the end.


-Thanks-
 
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Thanks everyone. Hope there's more to come.

Buddy I sent you a PM.

VP: I did see it, when it first came out on DVD, and the only thing I remember was Reese Witherspoon was the star, and she was either not in it enough, or was one-dimensional. But, I hated it. I LOVE Reese and will watch her in anything, and enjoy the hell out of it. And this is the first movie she's been in that I really hated. Please don't tell me it's my story.
 
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ussinners said:
Thanks everyone. Hope there's more to come.

Buddy I sent you a PM.

VP: I did see it, when it first came out on DVD, and the only thing I remember was Reese Witherspoon was the star, and she was either not in it enough, or was one-dimensional. But, I hated it. I LOVE Reese and will watch her in anything, and enjoy the hell out of it. And this is the first movie she's been in that I really hated. Please don't tell me it's my story.
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No, not saying it's your story, but the first few pages immediately made me think of it.
 
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ussinners said:
Whew...

So which was it? Reese the star was barely in it, or was she one-dimensional?
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I've only seen it once, and that was a long time ago. I'd have to watch it again. Wasn't analyzing it. I watch a lot of movies (good and bad) and only go back to analyze those that really move me in some way (good or bad).

It was so long ago that I actually had to go back and look for the title of the movie because I couldn't remember it. The opening act just struck a familiar chord and I was curious if there might have been some inspiration from that film.
 
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VPTurner said:
I've only seen it once, and that was a long time ago. I'd have to watch it again. Wasn't analyzing it. I watch a lot of movies (good and bad) and only go back to analyze those that really move me in some way (good or bad).

It was so long ago that I actually had to go back and look for the title of the movie because I couldn't remember it. The opening act just struck a familiar chord and I was curious if there might have been some inspiration from that film.
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Don't bother, that movie sucked.

There aren't many perfect performances, unless you go way back. But, Reese Witherspoon owns one. Her performance in Freeway is flawless. Angela Bettis in May is sheer perfection.

Angela Bettis can perform next to the best of the best and more then likely steal the scene. But, she does not have the usual Hollywood look. So, she's pretty much been run out of town. If you've never seen MAY, rent it. Then you'll buy it and watch it over and over again. Yet, if you really watch the movie, and think of another actress in the lead (Elisha Cuthbert was close to getting it) it would suck big time. There's nothing there but this amazing, incredibly perfect performance.
 
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