archived-videos 'End of the Line' short student film

Excellent! Had to watch the ending twice to understand what I think happened. No criticism except that I thought the less eventful shots ran a bit long.

The picture and sound was phenominal. Can I ask what video/audio equipment you used?
 
Alex B. said:
Excellent! Had to watch the ending twice to understand what I think happened. No criticism except that I thought the less eventful shots ran a bit long.

The picture and sound was phenominal. Can I ask what video/audio equipment you used?
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Thank you very much, it's great to hear some feedback!

The film was shot with a hacked Panasonic GH2 and a Sennheiser MKH 416 recording onto a portable drive. I can't tell you how stunning that camera is for the price, I got mine for £400/$600 and bought a few old Minolta lenses which are just beautifully made and so sharp for an almost giveaway price.

Thanks.
 
I know I am in no position to critique,but here are my thoughts on the first minute. Sorry for that in advance.

12sec of typing letter by letter on the black screen? ? ?

A scene or a shot has either to reveal character or drive the story. 1 minute of the movie is beautiful shots,which tell no story. You want to show woman dialing a phone? You can make 3 cuts in 6 sec. Her walking to the phone is boring.
A person sitting and writing with a slow tilt - is slow and boring. Sorry,but it is. It might be beautiful,but it doesnt tell a story.

Short has to grab attention. Your close up of the phone - 3 seconds. (sound of phone ringing) Than wide shot of the phone in the middle of nowhere - ringing. another 3 second.

6 seconds and it raises questions. Who is calling? Why ?


Sorry for that in advance,I know saying harsh things is useless and rude,but I just cant hold back.
I am saying this as an internet viewer. My attention span is super short. You either have it in the first 30 sec or I click next.
 
baoliun said:
I know I am in no position to critique,but here are my thoughts on the first minute. Sorry for that in advance.

12sec of typing letter by letter on the black screen? ? ?

A scene or a shot has either to reveal character or drive the story. 1 minute of the movie is beautiful shots,which tell no story. You want to show woman dialing a phone? You can make 3 cuts in 6 sec. Her walking to the phone is boring.
A person sitting and writing with a slow tilt - is slow and boring. Sorry,but it is. It might be beautiful,but it doesnt tell a story.

Short has to grab attention. Your close up of the phone - 3 seconds. (sound of phone ringing) Than wide shot of the phone in the middle of nowhere - ringing. another 3 second.

6 seconds and it raises questions. Who is calling? Why ?


Sorry for that in advance,I know saying harsh things is useless and rude,but I just cant hold back.
I am saying this as an internet viewer. My attention span is super short. You either have it in the first 30 sec or I click next.
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Hi mate, firstly don't be so apologetic about your constructive feedback. I'm still a student, still learning and I really do appreciate all comments. Nobody will learn by people telling you how good you are, criticism is what makes a person progress and improve.

Now I completely get your points and can totally see where you're coming from. Grabbing the audiences attention is definitely an important factor but in my opinion (not saying that I'm right or wrong) there are other ways of captivating a viewer other than pace alone. Don't get me wrong, pace as a device works in many situations but I really believe that in a film like this the importance of building and developing characters thoroughly is paramount. Sometimes films don't leave enough space for the audience to absorb the scenario and begin to imagine the world that is being presented and so that was why I paced the film in such a way.

I really appreciate your kind comments about the look of the film and will take everything you said on board. I have screened the film to a few people and some love the pace, a few think it needs sharpening. For now until I hear more responses I will leave it how it is.

Thanks.
 
AaronDunleavy said:
Hi mate, firstly don't be so apologetic about your constructive feedback. I'm still a student, still learning and I really do appreciate all comments. Nobody will learn by people telling you how good you are, criticism is what makes a person progress and improve.

Now I completely get your points and can totally see where you're coming from. Grabbing the audiences attention is definitely an important factor but in my opinion (not saying that I'm right or wrong) there are other ways of captivating a viewer other than pace alone. Don't get me wrong, pace as a device works in many situations but I really believe that in a film like this the importance of building and developing characters thoroughly is paramount. Sometimes films don't leave enough space for the audience to absorb the scenario and begin to imagine the world that is being presented and so that was why I paced the film in such a way.

I really appreciate your kind comments about the look of the film and will take everything you said on board. I have screened the film to a few people and some love the pace, a few think it needs sharpening. For now until I hear more responses I will leave it how it is.

Thanks.
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My thoughts on the piece. I also thought at the opening of text, dialing noise, and close up on phone was not necessary, in my opinion it brings down the quality of the production. I feel it would be a much stronger opening just as the wide shot with the woman walking to the phone booth.

I really like the audio transition into the scene with the man alone at the table, but I feel it holds on just the man for too long. If you have the footage of her in the booth talking and reacting, I think it would be nice to have some edits, L-cuts, earlier in the conversation. Also at the end of the conversation, if you have footage of her and her reaction to that call after the both hang up.

ALL IN ALL This is a very fine piece of work. Very well done! The Actors were superb. You have great talent and I believe this story would be great as a feature film. Reminds me of "Fargo" and "Waking Ned Divine."
 
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GPS7PRO said:
My thoughts on the piece. I also thought at the opening of text, dialing noise, and close up on phone was not necessary, in my opinion it brings down the quality of the production. I feel it would be a much stronger opening just as the wide shot with the woman walking to the phone booth.

I really like the audio transition into the scene with the man alone at the table, but I feel it holds on just the man for too long. If you have the footage of her in the booth talking and reacting, I think it would be nice to have some edits, L-cuts, earlier in the conversation. Also at the end of the conversation, if you have footage of her and her reaction to that call after the both hang up.

ALL IN ALL This is a very fine piece of work. Very well done! The Actors were superb. You have great talent and I believe this story would be great as a feature film. Reminds me of "Fargo" and "Waking Ned Divine."
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Thank you very much for your comments, nice to hear the references to other films.

Aaron.
 
I have to say I disagree with the other commenters about the pace!

I find myself struggling in my own storytelling where I give the important actions so little time to develop and the pacing goes by so quickly that I lose viewers, sense, and mood.

I was happy to see that someone else was able to set the right mood through pace, it served your story well!

Otherwise it all looked great, I love shooting in snow (and I live in Minnesota so I am lucky enough to get to often).

I didn't get the ending...SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT

It was his sister calling to tell him she's divorcing her husband, right?

Simple, and it looked and sounded great, well done, well done. 5/5
 
Thank you very much for your comments, glad you are with me on the purpose of pacing to create atmosphere and mood. We were lucky enough to have snow fall right before we filmed, we planned to set the short at Christmas time without the thought of snow and luckily it was meant to be, great fun!

You certainly did get the ending, spot on. That's the twist, it does seem to take some people a while to figure out what happened but in a way I suppose it's good to get people thinking.

How did you cope with the strong Northern English accents as you live across the pond?

Thanks again, great to hear feedback.
Aaron.
 
I have said this before to you and I'll say it again, your work is fantastic! I can genuinely appreciate your work because you know how to use a DSLR and not make it look like utter crap. Most DSLR work I see is disgusting, crushed blacks, blown whites and constant shallow depth of field. You my friend, are talented.
 
Joshua Lloyd said:
I have said this before to you and I'll say it again, your work is fantastic! I can genuinely appreciate your work because you know how to use a DSLR and not make it look like utter crap. Most DSLR work I see is disgusting, crushed blacks, blown whites and constant shallow depth of field. You my friend, are talented.
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Josh I feel truly humbled and thankful for your kind comments.

I strive to make the best looking work with the gear that I use and it's great to hear that you think I'm doing a good job. I agree that there is a definite line between what looks nice and what looks too much and especially with over the top colouring and the use of constant extreme shallow depth of field it can all start to look a bit tacky.

Thanks again for your kind words, I really really do appreciate it.

Aaron.
 
AaronDunleavy said:
Thank you very much for your comments, glad you are with me on the purpose of pacing to create atmosphere and mood. We were lucky enough to have snow fall right before we filmed, we planned to set the short at Christmas time without the thought of snow and luckily it was meant to be, great fun!

You certainly did get the ending, spot on. That's the twist, it does seem to take some people a while to figure out what happened but in a way I suppose it's good to get people thinking.

How did you cope with the strong Northern English accents as you live across the pond?

Thanks again, great to hear feedback.
Aaron.
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haha I think I just watch enough British tv and short film stuff that I don't notice so much anymore, I couldn't tell you a northern vs southern accent, but I can understand what they're saying haha

And I second Josh's opinion about DOF, your short not only was clever, simple, and to the point, but it looked killer. Again, nicely done.
 
As some others pointed out here I am really impressed with the quality of the image you got out of a DSLR. Not only the sharpness is great, the composition of the frame is also very pleasant.

That said, I also think the first minute of the movie to be a bit too slow. It takes time for it to get my full attention, and I know I would end up dropping it in a busy day. I don't mean it should be fast paced, I love the way you give time for the action to happen. It's the bits without action that get me.
 
This looked really good and was generally quite a good short film, so this is why I am going to be heavily critical....

Nothing happens in the 30 seconds. Like literally. The phone shot and the phone box shot should have been only about 2-3seconds and she shouldn't have been so far away in that shot as it created an awkward moment, the title too last a little bit too long. The shots looked nice, but you can only have so much of a good thing.

Second,y nothing noteworthy happens until about 1:35. I personally think you could probably wipe a minute off that beginning and have a much better pacing. One thing that bugged me with your shots of the man were that his close ups he was positioned on the left of the screen but his wider, mid shot, he was positioned on the right. Generally IMO this doesn't look as nice. Similar to how when you are doing OTS you must be consistent with one character on the left and the other on the right so as not to confuse the audience of their position in the room.

Your shot of the man at 1:00 feels crowded with the overlap of him and his whiskey and this leads to discomfort. I would generally feel you Wouldn't want discomfort yet in a scene like that.nit also annoyed me that I didn't get to hear what she was saying but I'm going to say that was obviously by design. Like the begginning, not hearing her dragged out slightly for me.

I also felt it had nothing to do with Christmas so didnt get why there was achristmas music at the end.

There were many good aspects of the film, it is a good film, just this is what I wouldn't have done differently/didn't like.

-Brendan
 
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