Editing out unnecessary words

[andrewdj]

I've started writing a script and I usually find my dialogue tends to include filler words that are realistic in terms of real world voices, but are later highlighted by my editor. Which do you prefer, and why?

One example:

FADE IN:

INT. JONES BUTCHER SHOP - DAY

A BELL rings as a lady enters, alerting MICKY, a butcher's 
assistant of around 19 years old, to her presence.

		MICKY
	Ah, afternoon Ruby. And might I 
	say you're looking beautiful as 
	ever.

		RUBY
	Careful me dad doesn't catch you
	saying that, Micky, he'll have you
	strung up like one of those pigs.
	
		MICKY
	Won't happen, I can run faster than
	he can.
		
		RUBY
	Maybe so, but if you run away then 
	I won't see you again, will I?

		MICKY
	Well you could always run away with 
	me?
		
		RUBY
	I -

WILLIAM JONES, 35 years old, the master butcher pokes his
head out from the back room. Ruby and Micky go quiet.
William's face suggests he's not happy they're talking.

		WILLIAM
	Ah, Ruby, you're here. Quickly, come in.
		(To Micky)
	The counter needs cleaning, Michael.

William disappears into the other room and Ruby moves to follow.
	
		MICKY
	Uh, Ruby...Olivia is back there.  You know, 
	just thought I should warn you.

Ruby pauses for a moment composing herself before 
continuing.
	
							CUT TO:

INT. BACK ROOM - DAY

Whereas after the editor has looked at it, he cuts out loads of the filler, which to me makes it feel more un-natural.

FADE IN:

INT. JONES BUTCHER SHOP - DAY

A BELL rings as a lady enters, alerting MICKY, a butcher's 
assistant of around 19 years old, to her presence.

		MICKY
	Afternoon Ruby. And might I 
	say you're looking beautiful as 
	ever.

		RUBY
	Careful me dad doesn't catch you
	saying that, Micky, he'll have you
	strung up like one of those pigs.
	
		MICKY
	I can run faster than he can.
		
		RUBY
	If you run away then I won't see 
	you again.

		MICKY
	You could always run away with me?
		
		RUBY
	I -

WILLIAM JONES, 35 years old, the master butcher pokes his
head out from the back room. Ruby and Micky go quiet.
William's face suggests he's not happy they're talking.

		WILLIAM
	Ruby, you're here.
		(To Micky)
	The counter needs cleaning, Michael.

William disappears into the other room and Ruby moves to follow.
	
		MICKY
	Olivia is back there.

Ruby pauses for a moment composing herself before 
continuing.
	
							CUT TO:

INT. BACK ROOM - DAY

 

[Jijenji]

Dialogue is on-the-nose and painful (sorry).

My suggestion ... create a scratch pad for dialogue exchanges with no words. Just subtext. Once you have the conversation constructed according to subtext, go back and write the dialogue to something more interesting.

ETA:

On-the-nose dialogue exchanges have no subtext because nothing dramatic is happening in the conversation. They only jam in exposition. So if your dialogue constantly suffers from this flaw, it's probably because nothing dramatic is happening, your characters have no motivations, no goals with their words, other than to convey the author's third person thoughts.