Guys, thank you all for your input, it was indeed a good opportunity for more practice and to see where improvement can be made.
To just wrap up a few things, we were under a major time crunch, which did prevent me from bringing my lighting equipment - we barely got the filming done within the allocated time. Had I attempted to set up the lighting equipment (on my own, as I was the only one who knew the equipment) we would have needed a lot more time, as we all know, it takes a good deal of time to set it up (and make it look good), tear it down and relocate, especially when using such a large amount of space, and having to let orientation groups pass in and out every 15min or so. Otherwise, I would have used lighting, in fact I probably would have tripled the amount of time we took if it were an option, whatever it takes. I did however use an on-camera light, which helped a bit, brought out skin tones and such, but that was about it, was definitely better than nothing at all.
As for the cinematography itself, there were quite a number of shots I did rather lousy on, primarily the beginning establishing shot, as well as the initial sniper shot (when the kid was aiming and cocking the gun just before the first kill - rule of 3rds violation). I know several shots were quite a bit on the bumpy side, I'll have to work on that - the first side-by-side running shot was also not so good, in fact, when I was editing, I found that the way I had adjusted the stabilizer, I swiveled it to far over, my own hand was in the shot, I had to stretch the shot a bit and cut off a bit of the right of the frame (arg!) after that, it was an improvement, but not quite satisfactory for me (but for everyone else there, it was). Several other shots were as some of you had pointed "jerky". One of the things I am also knocking my head around for is coverage...I totally forgot to get some shots to better show where the sniper and his buddy were in relation to the rest of the action, as well as showing the exterior of the room the "boss with the case" and his second-hand man went! There was also coverage I totally missed in the middle of the firefight that could have established a better idea of where certain people were, and which direction they were really heading toward, and I violated the 180 rule a few times, which I can see really could make things confusing. I also do tend to go for a few too many closeups, which may have generally decent, but I get too much of them, and not enough long and medium, or 3/4 shots...arg--coverage, coverage, coverage! I'm going to work at getting that in from here on out, and creatively.
One of the main things I need to be sure I get in everything that is important, is a shot list, preferably storyboards (though this was an on-the-fly project, I'm trying to get out of that and get into doing things with real plans made ahead of time, preferably scripted, and no 2hr or so time limits).
As for story, well, as you noted, there wasn't much, we just came up with something simple and easy to make something fast-paced and action packed out of - these kids had a lot of fun, they were really into it. Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to shoot something more complex, after all story IS king, regardless of crazy action sequences, they're fun, but the time is coming to do something deep...
Thanks a lot for watching and sharing your input, guys, I'll definitely keep working at improving!
