Day in Life of a Hot Dog

[dlevanchuk]

Here is a short script (4 pages) I wrote for a small project.

Its a small ironic sketch on comparison betweet successful burger industry (fast food) and hot dog, that is only popular in 7/11 stores and baseball games.

Day in Life of a Hot Dog

I'll be the one who is filming it, so I apologize for some formatting.

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CHARACTERS​

Frank - Hot Dog (Actor will be dressed up in a hot dog costume, like this one. Poor, broke, pissed about unfair life.

Mike Dainland - Hamburger (Actor in a hamburger costume). Rich, successful, cocky.

Sandwich - Well, as you guesses, an actor dressed up as a sandwich. Hipster, urban.

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Do you guys think the idea is clearly delivered?
Maybe something should be edited or represented differently?

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

You could use some work on your action, but since you are self shooting it, whatever.

The V.O. seems a little odd.

I like the core idea, and if you have access for some reason to those costumes, then okay, but otherwise I think you can find a better concept of characters to do the same thing. That set-up is good and has potential for deeper story paths, but conceptually the characters are not strong to me.

It might be hard costume wise and also difficult to avoid using brands, but I think if you kick around and find the perfect characters, it will be funny and out there and cause people to say “Why didn’t I think of that!?”

In another way of seeing it, if you did stay with those characters, then possibly juicing the story more and taking it over the top could help it a lot, which is to say take the hotdog to the comedic and tragic extreme, maybe start on the roof and have him narrate a little flashback to his heyday (when he had it all) then he tells us about (we see) his world since his fall from grace. (Drug problems, land lady pounding on the door for the rent, he’s seen on a security cam with just a little mask on doing an armed robbery, maybe do a mug shot, show him cavorting with prostitutes, or maybe he knocked some chick up and has gambling debt- all in all a picture that he paints of really nothing to live for and which is all motivation.)

At some point during his narration cut back to him on the roof, ideally so that we are mislead into thinking he is going to jump, then bring us into the real time unfolding (Reveal) of what he is REALLY doing up there.

That could be a short ending or a drawn out action sequence that leads to his unfortunate demise. Then slap a “Brought to you by the American Hotdog council.” As a reminder to eat more hog dogs. The End.

-Thanks-

 

[sikandtwisted films]

I would like to see it , when you are done filming it , please let me know

 

[droowl]

Dude, thats pretty entertaining. Could use a little bit of editing grammar-wise. Other than that, its a pretty awesome concept.

 

[VPTurner]

Several spoilers here, so if you haven't read the script, stop reading now.

One of the earliest lessons I learned about story telling is that it was taboo to run through an entire story only to have your protagonist suddenly wake up and realize it was all a dream. Tends to leave the audience feeling duped. If part of a larger whole with little snippets of "daydreaming" to show what a character is thinking, then it can work. Hell, I've wanted to do some amazingly horrible things to people who piss me off, but I never act out on them. I see that mechanism used all the time in TV and movies where the scene plays out for the audience exactly how it's playing out in the character's head, and then we jump back to reality where the character clearly didn't perform that heinous action, just thought about it. But using that as the principal basis for a completed story isn't something I'd personally do. Of course, you're not me, so I'm just thinking out loud here.

But, was it a dream? Or did it really happen and now Sandwich is on the hit list? If that was your goal, to leave that question in the mind of the audience, then you succeeded there.

You've locked nicely onto one of the seven deadly sins: Envy. It's something to which all of us can relate. Maybe build more on that. Clearly two of these guys started out as friends, but at some point they had to diverge. As for the metaphors, I eat a whole lot more sandwiches and hamburgers than I do hot dogs, so I do see the humor. Hot Dog doesn't get much love from me, either. But it plays out like a tragedy and not a comedy. There's no redemption, no character arc. Hot Dog is the same at the end as he is at the beginning. Somehow he should come through this experience changed. He commits a horrible act and doesn't pay for his sin in any way (provided it wasn't a dream).

You may want to mention at the beginning of the script that Frank is dressed like a hot dog. Helps to visualize it during the read. The script should be able to stand on its own and not need an introduction about how they're dressed, especially when wardrobe is a critical part of the story. Or perhaps instead of giving them names like Frank and Pat, just call them Hot Dog and Hamburger throughout. Helps emphasize the Sandwich punchline and pulls it all together thematically.

 

[dlevanchuk]

Oh man, thanks for the replies!

Buddy: Costumes are no issue. I have an access to multiple materials to make costumes. Plus its halloween time, i'm sure i can find something. I like the idea of breaking up the story, so instead of simple "Finish/End" have some kind of broken time line. I will implement it in my next revision! Making audience think he will commit a suicide is a cool way to have them keep guessing, and slap them with a twisted ending. I'll think more about it, and will see if its where I want to take the story.

droowl: Grammar was never my strongest skill. Partly because this is my second language, partly because I rarely proof read :-S Something that I need to work on...

VPTurner: The whole shooting thing is not a dream. I want to show how before the killing, hot dog is all depressed, and has no purpose to live. After the killing, next day, he has a hope that everything will be OK, and he will be famous again... NOT!...
I'm still trying to figure out how can I work more on the REASON why hot dog kills the sandwhich, because it doesn't really fully conveys in the story.. still brain storming on that one




MY THOUGHTS, weird rambling. Skip if you may lol :

After putting the story aside, and thinking why i want to tell this story, i slowly come up with a conclusion is that even though hot dog thinks he can fix something by simply eliminating the competition, the hot dog would be wrong. Hot dogs are boring. Doesn't matter how much stuff you put on them - they still taste like hot dogs.. I could correlate the same thought to the art of film making. If person has no experience, or talent, doesn't matter what equipment they use to make a film. It will still suck. They'll just suck in extra sharp 1080p.
Same with this story. Doesn't matter if you make the decision on the fly to simply eliminate the issue, aka find the short cut to the issue. Its your inner self that needs to be worked on. Even though the competitor is killed, hot dog still is hot dog. There will be something better coming to challenge in this case it comes in the form of a sandwhich.


So, I will work on better Hot dog character development, and possibly come up with their back story.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

Glad you were open to the responses.

I'm not really sure what kind of sandwhich you mean, but as a character that embodies a kind of final twist, it seems too outside of the specific realm where as like a taco or pizza character might be more fitting.

I don't dislike what you have now, but I would be lying if I didn't think you could do better, and I would encourage this to be a 1st draft. The 2nd draft will easily be twice as good.

Overall the important thing (to me) demonstrated here is the instinct to zero in on story (Surreal or not).
It could be done a million ways for better or worse, but without that initial instinct you have nothing, so for what it's worth, good job.

-Thanks-

 

[VPTurner]

Sounds like Hot Dog needs to reinvent himself. After all, he's not just another meat sandwich. Any reason you didn't name him Oscar?

Incidentally, where's Sausage in all of this? I'll take a spicy sausage over a hot dog. Maybe bring in a German immigrant named Bratwurst. That would really make his day.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

lol Oscar rocks. (Perfect example of 2nd draft possibilities.)

-Thanks-

 

[dlevanchuk]

Haha! I like Oscar!
You probably already guessed, but hotdog's name "Frank" is short for frankfurter. I really like the German brother "Brat" idea!

Combining buddy's and vp turners idea:

Maybe have some kind of flash back, when Frank is on his low times, shooting up a syringe full of horseradish. His brother Brat has huge argument with frank, saying how Frank "needs to get off the smack, because that s**t only creates the illusion that life gets better!".

Feels like I need to have some sort of explanation on how burger gained popularity, and hot dog got so ghetto.

I'm not really sure what kind of sandwhich you mean, but as a character that embodies a kind of final twist, it seems too outside of the specific realm where as like a taco or pizza character might be more fitting.

I live in Seattle, and this city has lots and lots of hipsters. Lots of small shops opened up as sandwich and coffee shops. So i figured since majority of hipsters here don't eat burgers (hence, dead burger), there is a new kid on the block - Sandwich.

I see the sandwich character been all hipster-ed out: bicycle, messenger bag, iMac, rolled up pants, ironic mustache, maybe a piece of raw bacon on the string (saw the bacon on the string attached to the guy's pocket the other day).

Thanks for your input guys! I'm working on 2nd draft right now.

 

[spencejay]

i think the sandwich is a great idea, representing the health craze that has overshadowed unhealthy products such as burgers and hot dogs.

maybe the sandwich should say to the girls 'I'm only 300 calories'.

I don't think Frank should have a sniper in his car. I think if he is to use such a thing there needs to be a better way to receive the item. Since someone living in such a situation couldn't afford a sniper rifle. There needs to be more signposting for it to make it more believable.