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watch D I S C O N N E C T E D

Sweeney Jet

Sweeney Jet

Check out my latest short film. Enjoy.

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WATCH THE FILM HERE:
http://www.vimeo.com/18856418
 
It was going along okay, until the guy started talking on the phone. Bad exposition, not very believable performance. But, how could you blame the guy when it's a tired old amnesia thing?

If you're going to go there, you need to twist the hell out of it before I click somewhere else.
 
I see plenty of hard work, good camera work, music & score well done, decent acting overall, interesting story once you get it, GREAT visuals, very symbolic and surreal style which I love, you are good at a surreal presentation

Overall a little slow, hard to follow, needs a quicker pace, maybe some additional camera movements, sound needed help ( wait till you hear mine !! I need help there too ) , little heavy on color adjustments in areas, needed some punch visually & sound wise.

Im being brutally honest here a 5 out of 10 w/ 10 being ready for Big time. It is hard doing low-budget, Im with you on that train. You are certainly doing some good work and are on the right track. Keep improving !

Im working on a surreal short myself and Im striving to get a 7 out of 10, but Im afraid I'll get a 3 out of 10. I have maybe another month or so to finish the project





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It was going along okay, until the guy started talking on the phone. Bad exposition, not very believable performance. But, how could you blame the guy when it's a tired old amnesia thing?

If you're going to go there, you need to twist the hell out of it before I click somewhere else.
Click to expand...

Didn't wanna twist it too much. Just wanted to keep the message in tact. But I do agree. I was the guy on the phone. Haha. I knew I could've done better, but really I was rushed.

I see plenty of hard work, good camera work, music & score well done, decent acting overall, interesting story once you get it, GREAT visuals, very symbolic and surreal style which I love, you are good at a surreal presentation

Overall a little slow, hard to follow, needs a quicker pace, maybe some additional camera movements, sound needed help ( wait till you hear mine !! I need help there too ) , little heavy on color adjustments in areas, needed some punch visually & sound wise.

Im being brutally honest here a 5 out of 10 w/ 10 being ready for Big time. It is hard doing low-budget, Im with you on that train. You are certainly doing some good work and are on the right track. Keep improving !

Im working on a surreal short myself and Im striving to get a 7 out of 10, but Im afraid I'll get a 3 out of 10. I have maybe another month or so to finish the project
Click to expand...

Thanks for your wise criticism. I appreciate it. I strive to be better, so thanks!

I'm sure if I had more time shooting things, I'd do better. I literally shot this in a day.
 
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I liked your visuals. What camera did you use? Congrats on a finished project and one of decent quality to boot.

My criticism would be the acting and line delivery. There were some decent lines but the delivery seemed a bit mechanical for me, as were the reactions to what was being said (especially in the car). The mechanical delivery may have impacted the acting/business/reactions, or it could have been vice versa but this was an issue for me. I thought there was a tad bit too much dialogue too and most of it was on the nose. I am no expert on surrealism but I would have let the visuals and audio shape the subtext of your story, which would have allowed you to scale back the dialogue - allowing the characters to be more succinct and more real/life like. No knock on your work as I liked it, just some healthy pointers to consider in future projects. these things can be fixed during the writing phase of your efforts.

Good effort.
 
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Kosh said:
I liked your visuals. What camera did you use? Congrats on a finished project and one of decent quality to boot.

My criticism would be the acting and line delivery. There were some decent lines but the delivery seemed a bit mechanical for me, as were the reactions to what was being said (especially in the car). The mechanical delivery may have impacted the acting/business/reactions, or it could have been vice versa but this was an issue for me. I thought there was a tad bit too much dialogue too and most of it was on the nose. I am no expert on surrealism but I would have let the visuals and audio shape the subtext of your story, which would have allowed you to scale back the dialogue - allowing the characters to be more succinct and more real/life like. No knock on your work as I liked it, just some healthy pointers to consider in future projects. these things can be fixed during the writing phase of your efforts.

Good effort.
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The HV40.

I actually wholeheartedly agree with you. I wrote the movie just so I could have something to shoot, because I just love doing it. But next time when I write a short and direct my actors, I'll put what you said into use.

And I'm glad you like it. That's very cool. :cool:
 
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