I'll echo rayw on the length of your spot... For something like that :60 would be the max, but really it's too long even then. People's attentions spans are NOT what they used to be.
I'd cut the script down to a nice tight :30 that only hits on the most important points, and have your VO talent read it several times, so by the end she's not so much reading as just talking to you. And make sure she's not speaking directly into the mic, popped p's are no good! 45-45 rule, every time. (basically make sure the mic is lowered and angled toward the speaker's mouth, instead of directly even with and in front of their mouth. They should be talking above and across the mic, not straight into it.) Oh, and your music needs to be a bit more quiet, the VO almost gets lost in your music bed a few times...
Also, it wouldn't hurt to see the speaker on camera for a few seconds. Put a face with the voice and you'll increase interest.
As for the video, the occasional rack focus is fine, and you do have several excellent shots in there. But since the spot is so long you just end up repeating yourself, and that's an easy way to lose a viewer's attention. I'd try something like -intro shot of speaker outside with kids to -kids playing outside to -kids in class inside to -your original closing shot. Keep the progression of shots linear, it will make more sense to the viewer, and keep them more interested.
That's all I can think of right now! It's definitely a good effort, just needs a little refining!
