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Could use some feedback on fantasy/mystery romance screenplay!

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Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.

I would really appreciate it also, if someone could read it all the way through and give me constructive criticism.

Thanks.
 
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I like the idea of two people waking in a locked room with no memory; this premise almost certainly creates an excellent dramatic situation.

My suggestion would be to choose carefully when your characters share in a laugh because I felt the characters A.) laughed too much and B.) when the situation did not permit a laugh.

Arielle has a very sporadic time with her wound which didn't make much sense to me. Perhaps they manage to control her bleeding but when they decide to dance; this reopens the wound and causes here to bleed once again.

I felt the journal was unnecessary. Perhaps Will is sitting by himself and repeating the word enemy instead of writing it.

Also if I was in Will's situation I would have inventoried the bag in the beginning and maybe that could be a scene either he does by himself or with Arielle.

The ending was very blunt in getting the point across and I think it makes the story a little weak. I would suggest rewriting the end.

Overall the premise is interesting and a good idea for a story but needs a lot of work. Kudos to you for writing though, I know how tough it is to sit in front of that foreboding blank page. Keep up the good work!
 
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Thank you for your criticism.

For the ending, which exact part are you talking about? I do agree that it is blunt, but I want to make sure we are thinking about the same part.
 
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