Are my first 10 pages good enough?

[Abraxas Studios]

Hi everyone,

So I have edited this post, as it's no longer relevant. The script was poor. I think I was just over happy with completing my first feature, to see the faults.

I have now moved on to a new idea and considered that one as practice. The new idea is a fresh and original take on an existing sub-genre of horror. Thanks for your criticisms though, it's good to know that none of you will tip-toe around the subject and will give me honest feedback.

 

[harmonica44]

It's not bad and doesn't drag per say. It keeps the ball rolling, which is important. But I kind of feel like I've seen this movie before. There seems to be a movie coming out maybe once a year, where some kids catch something supernatural on a camera, that has to do with a mysterious tragic story that occurred.

 

[Abraxas Studios]

It's not bad and doesn't drag per say. It keeps the ball rolling, which is important. But I kind of feel like I've seen this movie before. There seems to be a movie coming out maybe once a year, where some kids catch something supernatural on a camera, that has to do with a mysterious tragic story that occurred.

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately it's nearly impossible to do something original in horror nowadays, so it leaves film makers with only one viable option and that's to do something similar. So when doing something similar you have to make sure that you do it better.

I think the story changes more later on, takes more turns than you see in an average horror out at the moment. Though I appreciate you only have the first 10 pages, so thanks for your feedback, I will keep it in mind.

 

[Kinsler]

I'm going to cut straight in with some criticisms, then we'll go from there. I'm assuming a feature length project, as you didn't specify.

The evil cult was mentioned to quickly and easily. There's no "why is this happening?", it's straight to "oh that's why" and the viewer might just switch it off.

When Jenkins agrees to give him the information, he does it too quickly: "Tell me" "No" Please?" "okay, here's the interesting thing about this movie". It's best have the characters discover this.

A wife doesn't pop her head round the door to talk to her absent husband, she comes into the room and makes physical contact.

"We can't afford to have angry mobs outside the house" is too stupid for a serious conversation.

"Fine, so what’s your next step and what do you need me to do?" could maybe be shortened to "Okay, so what do we do next?" "Nothing. I don't want you getting involved this time. If something does happen, I don't want you to get hurt. I'll tell the guys [...]"

Maybe James breaks in and steal Jenkin's research?


As an idea, it's fine. But make Jenkins more mysterious and less willing to help - like the filmmakers found him, and he didn't go to them. Part of the horror is not knowing why, and slowly discovering. Make James obsessed - if the guys don't agree, he'd go on his own. Also, 11 kids? How old is this woman - young ghosts will have more power over people than old crones. If you can make it more gripping, I'd say you've got something that would happily fit in the horror genre.

 

[A Whitmer]

Unfortunately it's nearly impossible to do something original in horror nowadays, so it leaves film makers with only one viable option and that's to do something similar. So when doing something similar you have to make sure that you do it better.

That's a tragic perspective, but at least you did say 'nearly', which leaves a small window for something entirely original. I get that maybe you are more interested in making a film than telling an original story, so you tap into what's already been done and try to make it better.

It should be the other way around. You think up an original story idea then decide whether to tell it via film, novel or play.

There are mutitudes of viable options. Rehash is but one of them.


Now to read this.

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[Abraxas Studios]

Hi,

So obviously I've edited the original post, I hope you all will be here again when I try this with the new film. I should have it finished within a month or so.

Thanks again for the feedback!