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- Thread starter benj09
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It is okay, BUT...
keep in mind that you are not writing a novel. Too much description in a screenplay is a waste of your and the reader's time. A script reader who is faced with a wall of black print will shudder and very likely skim over it, or even stop reading there.
Try to break up your scene descriptions into paragraphs no longer than 3 or 4 lines long, leaving a blank space in between. 1 or 2 lines is even better.
If at all possible, try to throw in an occasion bit of dialogue, even if it's just a single word like "No!" or "Shit!" or "Run!" Anything that breaks it up for the reader a little. You want your script to keep moving so the reader doesn't have a reason to put it down.
My opinion only, fwiw.
keep in mind that you are not writing a novel. Too much description in a screenplay is a waste of your and the reader's time. A script reader who is faced with a wall of black print will shudder and very likely skim over it, or even stop reading there.
Try to break up your scene descriptions into paragraphs no longer than 3 or 4 lines long, leaving a blank space in between. 1 or 2 lines is even better.
If at all possible, try to throw in an occasion bit of dialogue, even if it's just a single word like "No!" or "Shit!" or "Run!" Anything that breaks it up for the reader a little. You want your script to keep moving so the reader doesn't have a reason to put it down.
My opinion only, fwiw.
If it a scene with no dialogue, then there is no other way around it. But be as to the point as possible with the descriptions. If it is too long and drawn out it may not be read. The eye naturally starts to wander. I try to keep everything at a 4 line max per segment. Like 2001 said adding small blocks of dialogue is a good idea also. I assume that its a one vs one action scene or somthing like that. Not really a scene where people would converse, so Keep it to reactionary dialogue. Or taunting banter between antagonist and protagonist, just try avoid the cheese. Thats just my opinion though others may disagree.
Try and use a small amount of dialogue like banter or panicked one liners from the hapless people getting shot at.
You could also cut to a small scene with some of the mooks trying to figure out what to do.
It depends on the tone. If you want it dark, then try and refrain from dialogue. If light hearted (as light as it could be for a scene like this) then put some more dialogue in there.
You could also cut to a small scene with some of the mooks trying to figure out what to do.
It depends on the tone. If you want it dark, then try and refrain from dialogue. If light hearted (as light as it could be for a scene like this) then put some more dialogue in there.
For sure break it into small blocks of action, but maybe you can get a few kills in with dialogue too.
Depending on the type of campsite you mean, (like if it was a military kind of situation.) there could be some announcements over a PA, orders being given, guards talking or a guard watching a TV and reacting to it.
If it is in the woods (camping kind of site) ,the protagonist can creep up and quietly take out someone off having a leak that is drunk and singing.
There could be people playing cards and drinking that the protag is creeping around watching.
There could be someone telling a fireside story to the group, then when the story peaks the protag springs out of the shadows bullets flying, or when the story peaks a bullet hole appears in the story tellers head, and the battle is on.
If they are all sleeping the protag can be creeping up and suddenly from within one of the tents a cell rings and the protag freezes and steps into the shadows, someone exits the tent speaking on the phone and trying to get better reception, the protag steps from the shadows, snaps their neck and grabs the phone in one swift movement, then awkwardly whispers into it “Uhh, he’ll have to call you back.”, then from behind him “Hey!”, protag whirls around and throws the phone at that person, and the bullets start to fly.
After that you could use people shouting out orders to locate the protag, or yelling for him to come out as he picks them off one by one.
-Thanks-
Depending on the type of campsite you mean, (like if it was a military kind of situation.) there could be some announcements over a PA, orders being given, guards talking or a guard watching a TV and reacting to it.
If it is in the woods (camping kind of site) ,the protagonist can creep up and quietly take out someone off having a leak that is drunk and singing.
There could be people playing cards and drinking that the protag is creeping around watching.
There could be someone telling a fireside story to the group, then when the story peaks the protag springs out of the shadows bullets flying, or when the story peaks a bullet hole appears in the story tellers head, and the battle is on.
If they are all sleeping the protag can be creeping up and suddenly from within one of the tents a cell rings and the protag freezes and steps into the shadows, someone exits the tent speaking on the phone and trying to get better reception, the protag steps from the shadows, snaps their neck and grabs the phone in one swift movement, then awkwardly whispers into it “Uhh, he’ll have to call you back.”, then from behind him “Hey!”, protag whirls around and throws the phone at that person, and the bullets start to fly.
After that you could use people shouting out orders to locate the protag, or yelling for him to come out as he picks them off one by one.
-Thanks-
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If you don't need the dialogue...
...then don't use it... Simple as that. It's perfectly fine NOT to use it. Just be sure to be descriptive in your character's actions so we don't miss the gist of the scene.
filmy
...then don't use it... Simple as that. It's perfectly fine NOT to use it. Just be sure to be descriptive in your character's actions so we don't miss the gist of the scene.
filmy
That is true, if it doesn’t need it don’t use it.
I'm interested in the particulars of the situation and the revenge.
Is the protagonist doing the shooting, and is his revenge in the form of killing them?
If so, even if the protagonist were using a sniper rifle and night vision goggles (assuming it's night) to drop people at 500 yards with 100% accurate kill shots (in the dark), I think we would still hear at least SOME commotion.
But the protagonist enters a campsite and bullets are flying, so if he is doing the shooting or the revenge is killing, it is presumably at close range.
Is it 100% accurate kill shots and a silencer? If not, then realistically people are going to be awaken to gun shots (If they are sleeping) screaming in pain, yelling to alert others, pleading for their life, or at least jibbering in fear as they try to scramble away.
If he isn't doing the shooting or killing for revenge he has to be pretty nimble, so I think at least one person doing the shooting is going to say SOMETHING like "Over there, get him!" or "You go that way, I'll take this one!" or some kind of action situation dialogue.
If the story calls for stealth expert killing, then what in the action is making it pages long?
If the situation is a do or die blaze of bullets, is a lack of dialogue unrealistic?
A page of just action is alot, but a few pages of action?
I'm not saying that is impossible, I'm just interested in the situation that brings it about.
-Thanks-
I'm interested in the particulars of the situation and the revenge.
Is the protagonist doing the shooting, and is his revenge in the form of killing them?
If so, even if the protagonist were using a sniper rifle and night vision goggles (assuming it's night) to drop people at 500 yards with 100% accurate kill shots (in the dark), I think we would still hear at least SOME commotion.
But the protagonist enters a campsite and bullets are flying, so if he is doing the shooting or the revenge is killing, it is presumably at close range.
Is it 100% accurate kill shots and a silencer? If not, then realistically people are going to be awaken to gun shots (If they are sleeping) screaming in pain, yelling to alert others, pleading for their life, or at least jibbering in fear as they try to scramble away.
If he isn't doing the shooting or killing for revenge he has to be pretty nimble, so I think at least one person doing the shooting is going to say SOMETHING like "Over there, get him!" or "You go that way, I'll take this one!" or some kind of action situation dialogue.
If the story calls for stealth expert killing, then what in the action is making it pages long?
If the situation is a do or die blaze of bullets, is a lack of dialogue unrealistic?
A page of just action is alot, but a few pages of action?
I'm not saying that is impossible, I'm just interested in the situation that brings it about.
-Thanks-
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