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logline 3 Loglines

C

chongo

Howdy,

This is my first post and I hope I'm not breaking any rules by just posting loglines. I glanced over the rules thread and didn't see anything suggesting I shouldn't...

I'm finding it difficult to succinctly explain my screenplay ideas without rambling for ten minutes while actually getting nowhere. So, I'm working on writing a good logline. Opinions on these, please?

Good Cop, Dead Cop

When uncouth police detective Leo “The Lion” Treganski becomes the unlucky recipient of a zombie bite, he and his by-the-book partner race against time to find the source of the undead plague before infection turns Leo into another shambling corpse.

or...

In this gory twist on the buddy cop genre, uncouth police detective Leo "The Lion" Treganski and his by-the-book partner must find the source of a zombie outbreak before Leo, suffering from a ghoul bite, succumbs to his infection and becomes just another shambling corpse.

Damn You, Space Dragon

When an intergalactic supervillain returns to Earth, a washed-up superhero squeezes into his spandex one last time and seeks vengence for the slaying of his wife the only way he knows how… with his fists.

or...

When the intergalactic supervillain who murdered his wife returns to Earth, a washed-up superhero squeezes into his spandex one last time and seeks vengence the only way he knows how... with his fists.

Untitled

After a harebrained investment scheme leaves him penniless, Trevor Cook goes for broke and buys a magical potted plant with a post-dated check. But, when the check bounces, Trevor’s sudden good fortune (bestowed upon him by the plant) sours into a terrible curse that threatens to destroy him, as well as the rest of humanity.

Thanks for your time.
 
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Hey, Chongo.

In a nutshell, these are too long. Think of it from the point of view of a producer. They've got to pitch your idea in just a few quick words, so you don't want a bunch of details (like character names, etc.) cluttering your one-sentence pitch up. Put in too many details, and you're dead in the water.

One big mistake newbies make is trying to shorten a synopsis into a logline. Take it the other way. Take your genre (comedy, drama, dramedy, thriller, etc.) and expand it into a logline.

For example: A police detective, bitten by a zombie, is in a race to find the undead source of the infection.

There's just enough there to pique the interest of someone looking in that particular genre, enough so they'll (hopefully) request a synopsis or treatment and, after reading that (again hopefully), a copy of the full script.


Good luck, bro.

-Charles
 
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P. S. Scripts are easy to copyright. Log Lines (and concepts) are hard to copyright. It's hard to steal a script. It's easy to steal a concept or idea.

Keep that in mind when posting REAL concepts you are working on.

Just a word to the wise.
 
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A good way to look at it is that you're doing a stripteaase. Too much skin early on and the customers may get up and leave before the dance is over.

A good SHORT log line will lead to an interest in the synopsis; a synopsis that hits the major character and story beats without revealing EVERYTHING, which teases and still leaves something to the imagination, will lead to interest in the script; the script will lead to an option or sale (money in the G-string).

This is all assuming you've got the points sitting way up high (as Mr. Seger would say), the goods to begin with, of course.

But that's another story...
 
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Concepts are impossible to copyright when you think of it in practical terms...

"Human(s) from earth get transported to an alien ship where they are hunted by aliens in a unknown part of the universe as they try to find their way home."

Could translate into Lost In Space, Stargate Universe, Star Trek Voyager, and FarScape, etc...

A logline doesn't make a story or concept good, a great script and dedicated talented team does.
 
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Adeimantus said:
Hey, Chongo.

For example: A police detective, bitten by a zombie, is in a race to find the undead source of the infection.

-Charles
Click to expand...

That's actually pretty good. When I need a logline I'm coming to you.

I didn't mind the originals either. But, this is much more compact.

This is what I find amazing; you can write a great wonderful script that screams to be made. But, some suit who might know how to make a great movie, might not, if you can't describe it in ten words or less. The length of the original loglines are not that long, but probably wouldn't be read as loglines, because they're not short enough. If someone asked me for a logline for one of my scripts, it would take me a week. A synopsis I could probably put together. A treatment would be a physical impossibility for me to write.

I know these are tried and true ways of Hollywood. But, seriously with the shit that Hollywood is peddling nowadays, they need to restructure and figure out new ways of finding good material. Because obviously the old ways are obsolete.
 
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Adeimantus said:
A good way to look at it is that you're doing a stripteaase. Too much skin early on and the customers may get up and leave before the dance is over.
Click to expand...
Probably the best way to ever explain anything to anyone is in terms of naked women. So, thanks.

I'd assumed a good logline read like the feature film descriptions on Hulu, so that's what I was going for. It's good to know how to actually write one, though.

For this, I was basically trying to figure out a way to explain what I'm writing/have written efficiently. Because, when someone asks me what it's about, and I'm all like, "Ok, it starts out with this guy..." then I've already lost them.

Anyway. How's this?

A washed-up superhero seeks to avenge his wife's murder.
 
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Always remember when doing your logline to indicate what's at stake. This example: "A washed-up superhero seeks to avenge his wife's murder" is only part of it. It correctly states who's doing what, but doesn't give any indication of what will happen if he doesn't succeed. You need to have an "or else bad things will happen" statement.

The following should help, with credit to Karl Iglesias.

(Title) is a (genre) about a (description of hero) who, after (inciting incident), wants to (outer goal) by (plan of action). This becomes increasingly difficult because (obstacles and complications).

Or...

(Title) is a (genre) about a (description of hero) who must (outer goal) or else (dire things will happen).

Examples:

(Rain Man) is a (drama) about a (slick, angry salesman) who, after ( his father dies), wants to (get his inheritance) by (manipulating his brother). This becomes increasingly difficult because (his brother is autistic).

(E.T. The Extra Terrestrial) is a (fantasy) about a (lonely boy who befriends a stranded alien, and) who must (help him get back home) or else (the alien will die).
 
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While my gut likes "A washed-up superhero seeks to avenge his wife's murder. "

I cant see how you actually film that.. either he IS avenging his wife's murder, or he Isn't. Seeking is not DOING. (there is no try, only do) :)

As far as VP's point about "whats at stake" I get it and believe it, and at first thought "well, is not necessary for a revenge movie", but Iv been wrong MANY times.. " hows this..

A washed up supper hero must avenges his wife's murder, or die trying.

Or, if the plot permits, extend the risk, and setup a moral conflict for the hero..

A washed up supper hero must avenges his wife's murder, or save the world. (not so tight, but concept is there)
 
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wheatgrinder said:
While my gut likes "A washed-up superhero seeks to avenge his wife's murder. "

I cant see how you actually film that.. either he IS avenging his wife's murder, or he Isn't. Seeking is not DOING. (there is no try, only do) :)

As far as VP's point about "whats at stake" I get it and believe it, and at first thought "well, is not necessary for a revenge movie", but Iv been wrong MANY times.. " hows this..

A washed up supper hero must avenges his wife's murder, or die trying.

Or, if the plot permits, extend the risk, and setup a moral conflict for the hero..

A washed up supper hero must avenges his wife's murder, or save the world. (not so tight, but concept is there)
Click to expand...

Well, naturally there are exceptions to the rules, but I don't see revenge as being the primary hook for any story because it's not unique. Charles Bronson pretty much did them to death (literally).

Perhaps:

After his wife's murder, a washed up Superhero must somehow regain his strength in order to bring those responsible to justice. This becomes increasingly difficult because his wife was the source of his power.
 
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