archived-videos 12:30 (Short Film)

H

henrydeluca

Hey everyone! I made a short film with a few friends earlier this year. It's called "12:30", a short movie about two friends are on their way to meet together to see a movie but unexpected events occur along the way involving romance, and a cat and mouse chase!

I would like to know some feedback about anything that comes to mind (plot, sound, editing; like or dislike and why, etc). I plan on making a "sequel" to this but using different characters and stories that involve meeting up at 12:30, and also add some kind of theme to it. Or at least remake this video. But i want feedback on this video first from people before proceeding.

Here's the video link from my youtube channel "SilentRunner Productions." Thanks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ni3c6svQ8hEhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
 
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so, I think that you are young and I want to say just a few of rules that I consider the basic for this job. You need more long sequences, for example the moment when the guy steal the phone is unrealistic, you should give to the viewer a broader view, never go with a particular. the recited is really bad but in future you'll find more great actor that improve and facilitate your job. Be careful in mixage editing, the sound has too much background noise that are annoying. take care.
 
Nice short!

There were a few cool scenes and shots, and theplot wasn't bad, but there were a few things that bothered me.

The first one being the dialogue. Bad acting and/or poor writing can ruin a film. In a crowded city, do you really think that she wouldn't yell for people to catch the guy. Also, the actresses response to getting phone stolen and her phone getting thrown seemed delayed. Study up on screenwriting, watch tutorials, and read books. You could also post your scripts on IndieTalk, and ask for feedback. Another option is getting someone else to write your script. Here are some links:

Save the Cat:
http://www.amazon.com/Save-Last-Book-Screenwriting-Youll/dp/1932907009

SimplyScripts.com
http://www.simplyscripts.com/

Some other useful stuff:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZszextv6yE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAWVRqASoYY
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...k_6nXT24OVcbJNYt5U5TVFQ&bvm=bv.52164340,d.aWM
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...dmBeepH-ZjqYP2tLoGiMuCA&bvm=bv.52164340,d.aWM
http://www.writersstore.com/how-to-write-a-screenplay-a-guide-to-scriptwriting/
http://thescriptlab.com/screenwriting
http://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Write-Screenplay-Screenwriters/dp/1580650155

The other thing that bothered me was the camera movement. I'd recommend investing in a Spider Steady.

http://www.amazon.com/foldable-Shoulder-Spider-Steady-Camera/dp/B00932XZQ2

Or a tripod.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQt5-Ns-Bfw

Or you could make some DIY gear.
http://m.youtube.com/#/user/thefrugalfilmmaker

It felt somewhat slow. Edit out anything that does not have much of an impact on the story.

Fight scene looked bad. Quicker editing and some sound effects could help that.

The audio was really bad. Invest in a mic.

Here's a good tutorial:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEq5T8fJarM

Anyway, nice work!

:cool:
 
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