archived-videos 1 Minute Action Film - Feedback needed!

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This is a one minute short film, shot on an iPhone. I chose to shoot on an iPhone for the sake of the story, and it turned out to be an interesting experiment. Visually, the film is comprised of two uninterrupted shots that play simultaneously - which was another interesting challenge.

I'd love to hear how this mini-film comes across to you guys. Do you think it works? Positive or negative feedback is welcome. Thanks for watching!

 
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Good fight choreography! I also liked the control of the camera angles when it was spinning around. The plot wasn't really understandable on first viewing, but everything else was very nicely done!
 
Overall, a successful project. In the context of a smartphone recording, the fight seemed realistic, and there was a convincing balance of steady and chaotic footage. The in-picture footage was "unremarkable" - but that's true to life too! It's obvious (and satisfying to watch) that the guy's scene was very well rehearsed, presumably with an uninterrupted shot in mind. I'm assuming the girl's scene was shot separately, watching a playback of the guy's scene? However it was done, the timing of the dialogue was spot on.

The critique: as a self-contained short, it felt (to me) like I'd skipped over an intro (or just switched TV channels and missed the beginning) so had no points of reference against which to judge the characters, meaning I hadn't got as far as caring about anyone before it was all over. The twist was good, but spoilt by (a) the woman stupidly messing with her hair when she came back into view (could have maintained the suspense a moment longer; and not entirely logical, as she didn't yet know whether she'd been successful in her plot); and (b) the line "now bring it to me" - just unnecessary, as it was already implied by the line "I believe this is yours" that she'd sent the intruder to get it for her.
 
onebaldman said:
Good fight choreography! I also liked the control of the camera angles when it was spinning around. The plot wasn't really understandable on first viewing, but everything else was very nicely done!
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Thanks for watching! Good to hear how it came across.
 
CelticRambler said:
Overall, a successful project. In the context of a smartphone recording, the fight seemed realistic, and there was a convincing balance of steady and chaotic footage. The in-picture footage was "unremarkable" - but that's true to life too! It's obvious (and satisfying to watch) that the guy's scene was very well rehearsed, presumably with an uninterrupted shot in mind. I'm assuming the girl's scene was shot separately, watching a playback of the guy's scene? However it was done, the timing of the dialogue was spot on.

The critique: as a self-contained short, it felt (to me) like I'd skipped over an intro (or just switched TV channels and missed the beginning) so had no points of reference against which to judge the characters, meaning I hadn't got as far as caring about anyone before it was all over. The twist was good, but spoilt by (a) the woman stupidly messing with her hair when she came back into view (could have maintained the suspense a moment longer; and not entirely logical, as she didn't yet know whether she'd been successful in her plot); and (b) the line "now bring it to me" - just unnecessary, as it was already implied by the line "I believe this is yours" that she'd sent the intruder to get it for her.
Click to expand...

Great feedback! Interesting ideas on the ending. I see your point there. Thanks for watching and responding.
 
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