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I would like some feedback on my short script. I posted it on celtx forum and got some feedback, but more feedback never hurts, as long if it's constructive criticism. So I'm gonna link from there(just click on the link in the first post to see the script)...

I accidentally found this site and decided to join. Hopefully I'll get some feedback on my work so far, and who knows what else. So far, my friend and I have written 4 scripts and 2 more on the way. Unfortunately, since we live in backward barbarian country we don't have any money or other means...