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  1. M

    Fiddler on the Roof - OC & LA

    My high school did Fiddler this year. I played Avram, the bookseller. God, I miss that show. I trust that your production is pretty nifty, and I hope the rest of the run goes well. Also, I love Shoggoth on the Roof!
  2. M

    story Intersecting Stories - list of films

    You really ought to try and find 11:14. Very good movie about a lot of unfortunate things that all happen at exactly the same time.
  3. M

    action My 100% Action Scene

    Well, the reason I went with M16s is because this is set in the 1980s. So it would actually be an M16A2. And I like your point about it being odd that there are 4 guys crowded in a bathroom. I have been pondering small rewrites all day, and I am going to change it to, in addition to the bathtub...
  4. M

    action My 100% Action Scene

    Thanks a lot for the advice guys. Y'know, I probably will rewrite it to make it a bit more realistic, but I think a lot of silliness is excused with the twist. I promise, if this ever gets made, audiences will leave the theater so mad that I won't be surprised if they demand their money back...
  5. M

    action My 100% Action Scene

    See, that's part of the twist. The action isn't supposed to entirely believable. I don't want to spoil but I'm pretty proud of the twist. EDIT: I see that you have added more to your post. Dang. No, I haven't read anything by him. I'll look him up. And the main idea is that the entire...
  6. M

    action My 100% Action Scene

    Well, ya see, that is because I am a self-depracator. It's a style of humor. That wasn't meant to be entirely serious. Guess it works better through actual speech instead of text...
  7. M

    Crime/Comedy Short

    Wow. That is really good. The dialogue was incredible (loved the bit about D-Day and Big Macs) and the story was amazing. One thing though: I got a bit confused during the shootout scene. Like, it seemed as if you meant one character and put another's name at certain points. Altogether, though...
  8. M

    action My 100% Action Scene

    Hi all, Don't know if you guys remember, but I recently started a thread asking for opinions on one of my short scripts. Now, one of the things that stuck out in the replies was that numerous people said I had too much dialogue and not enough action. Well, I've just started writing my first...
  9. M

    Another idea stored in my head...

    I dunno, I think it would be creepier if he stuck with the "seeing the past" version. I really like the idea, by the way, and I honestly felt chills just reading your short description of the guy witnessing the murder in the mirror.
  10. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Alright, you've convinced me :) This silliness was an isolated incident, and it's no use worrying about it. Also, if I ever film it it'll be during the summer, probably. I imagine I'll make at least one other film before (if) that happens (I like this script, but I've written much better ones...
  11. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Aw, geez. This got bad. Erm, to wrap this up, I'll just say this: I may eventually find the time and resources to shoot this, and if I do, I will surely post it here. I feel quite bad about the arguments my script started, and I very much doubt I'll ask for anyone's opinion on my writing again...
  12. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Well, yeah, I guess it is a scene, but it is also the scene, the only scene. There is nothing more to it. It begins after Greg has kidnapped Jack and ends when they both lay dead or dying. Sure, something led up to this, and something may happen afterward, but that is no concern of mine. This is...
  13. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Geez. This turned into a bigger argument than I would have liked... Oh well. I just thought I'd say that I have appreciated everyone's insights, be they praising my dialogue or suggesting how I make my writing flow better. I only posted the very first draft, and I've been going through and...
  14. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Well, gee. That is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing. I'll try not to let that go to my head too much lol.
  15. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Well I don't know, maralyn, I'll admit the script isn't a masterpiece (I am 17 years old and this is only like my fifth short), but I disagree that the two characters are written with the same tone. One is obviously more cynical and, at least in his own mind, realistic. The other is by no means...
  16. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Thank you! It really means a lot to me that you enjoyed it.
  17. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Thanks everyone, I appreciate all of your thoughts. I think perhaps the reason I use a lot of dialogue in many of my screenplays is because I've got a bit of a background in theatre. I guess I just prefer dialogue-driven stories, although I am by no means opposed to action. I just felt that this...
  18. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Thanks a lot for the advice. I've always written my shorts in that format and I guess I never thought much of it. When I write a short I plan all the shots out on a different sheet of paper, as opposed to writing them in like that, but I think that will change. Also, I doubt the actor playing...
  19. M

    Opinions/Criticisms Please

    Hello all. I've recently finished a new short script, and I'd love to know what you guys think of it. It's called "Golden Sombrero," which is a baseball term for those of you that don't know. It's not about baseball, by the way. I'm a relatively inexperienced writer and I could certainly use...
  20. M

    archived-videos Glory in the West

    I would have used more angles, but all shooting had to be done in about 5 hours, so we didn't so much have time. Thank you for the advice.
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