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I have acted plays and a few indie flicks.

Thank you for all of your notes people don't like typos...that was a joke to myself while writing, sorry it was meant to be cut

I like the cop dropping the flashlight What if he drops it into runt's car and has to ask him for it back? Runt begins to bite him not realizing it's a cop I don't know, maybe it would be funnier if he didn't have a flashlight, maybe a headband light.

The best way to learn to how to write dialogue is to ask screenwriter with at least 30 years of proffesional experience You make it sound like I have to go back into training. Hey BMA if you want to direct, we'll talk

So you're saying you don't like the dialog?

I know it's a yes or no question...but what parts are we talking about?

another script I am working on INT. DARK ROOM NIGHT MANY YEARS AGO A small television is seen in the off position. An old shaky hand reaches over and turns the knob. The television comes on, the color is bad and the reception not much better. What we see is the BVC, Best Value Channel...

Where is the short being shot?

No I understood you weren't. I wasn't being a smart ass.

it's the blue wire Is it the flashlight that makes it cliche? How about the fact that they are in cars is that cliche also? Just messing around, or am I? Thanks Steve I don't see any of my dialog in there. I was going to use the red green wire for a scene but maybe not now. I was thinking about...

I'm sure you'll like the I clown part

Thank you all for the comments, I wasn't trying to sell it to anyone, just wanted to hear what people thought. That's what this place is all about I love it. To be fair that wasn't the opening scenes. Not saying you'll like these much better, but maybe we'll get some more dialog going. again...

yellow

Do me a favor and read it all. If you have time

thats correct sir

EXT. ROAD -- NIGHT The clown car is seen driving away, the circus can be seen in the distance. RUNT I have three hundred dollars and I am going to change my life. EXT. GAS STATION -- LATER RUNT is seen filling up the clown car. RUNT I didn't make it very far due to the fact that this custom...

A few good filmmakers wanted http://plattsburghshorts.blogspot.com/

I might be able to help My name is Chris LaFountain, I am an indie film maker. I have writen five scripts and produced one of them. At the current time I am in "Writing Mode" I am working on another original script and making changes to the others. I would like to help out, let me know, thanks

The website has changed to shortscript.com

I have a script I haven't figured a budget for it yet, but if you would like to take a look at it, let me know.