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I got to the fourth or fifth page but there was nothing to grab my attention. I am at school right now so maybe I can read the rest of it later. It seemed a little boring, you've got to hook me in the first couple of pages.

Oh okay. Is this your first film?

I'm not too sure what is just watched. What is your age? Anyway, keep at it and practice, practice, practice. Good luck!

Hi everyone. I have a few questions regarding my first screenplay. I'm having trouble writing an entertaining interrogation scene and having the script come full circle. As of right now I am using flashbacks but I'm not sure if I want to go that way. I'm not much of a mystery writer but I...

The new evidence was going to be that "his file" his name somewhere along the way got misplaced so they never go to interviewing him. Maybe I can close the time gap from a couple of years to a few months later to make it seem more realistic. Yes the fact that he kept the bracelet seems kind of...

Hey thanks Maz for reading it again. I guess the mystery genre isn't really my thing but I want to see it through till the end. Yeah the bracelet was going to be the clue but I have yet to think of a better way to intertwine it. I'm trying to also keep the story in the realm of what I can...

Hey guys. I made a thread a couple of weeks ago about my screenplay I wrote for a short film that I wanted to make. After getting a lot of great constructive criticism and spending a lot of time on it, I wanted to post my final draft. I wrote this to what I will actually be able to film...

Wow, thank you for your post. This is extremely helpful. I can take this screenplay to a whole new level. I will probably be posting a new corrected format of my screenplay sometime before the weekend for you guys to take a look at. And with all of your guys' helpful advice it will be so much...

I have been working on my format. It is improving and will continue as I finish it up. I am working on the flashbacks right now but I'm more focused on getting the story where it should be. I have taken out the jokes and all camera angles from the script because they do not belong there...

Yes. I got the point of the script format after the first twenty times. I appreciate it and I have been working on it ever since and making progress. I wanted help with my story, that is why I made this tread.

Thank you for your post, Dahwws. Finally some constructive criticism. I have heard of the book but have not yet read it. I think I understand what you are saying Dahwws. It's all too basic and generic information. I can really tell the difference in your examples compared to what I had wrote...

I want to tell of a story where a murder lies to police men and As he lies, I wanted the truth to be shown over the lies. This is a single sequence. Even if I wanted to I don't have the read pieces to make a 20 minute short or anything beyond that. 5-10minutes top is what I can do.

I feel that the format from the first screenplay I posted has improved drastically. I will continue to work on it and remove camera angles and treat it more as a story. I will get the format squared away so can we move on a discuss the actually content of the screenplay? Note taken. No more...

Here is the new formatted screenplay link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v5Kqcq1Z7Xu_CcJj79gK-xc6SARwhUCOZUdSad2EHCQ/edit?usp=sharing I formatted my screenplay and made some changes to the story so please read it and give me some feedback. Thanks guys.

Gotcha. Thanks for your comment and I will make an effort to fix the formatting. Here is the new formatted screenplay link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v5Kqcq1Z7Xu_CcJj79gK-xc6SARwhUCOZUdSad2EHCQ/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks for reading it maz & directorik. Yeah, I'm having trouble getting the police officers to not be cliche and to have some character development but I feel as though it is tough to do because everything with police officers have been done over and over again. I rather have them be cliche or...

Hey guys. Thank you for the replies. Sorry, I got a little ahead of myself there. I worked hard on this screenplay and I just didn't want to lose my work to some guy who can copy and paste it. Anyway, I re-posted the link so feel free to read it. Here is the link again...

Hey, thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm actually gonna have this thread removed due to the 80+ views and no responses. I do not want to leave my work out there and have it be taken. But thank you for reading it and your feedback. I will be rewriting it for the third time in hoping to...

Feedback on new script-LINK FIXED Hey guys! I'd like some feed back on my new script. I'm not worried about the format of it but there are some obvious weak points that I'd like some help with. So thank you for taking the time to read it! The link should be fixed. Sorry about that. New in...

Hey thank you! Yeah, I know its weird without an end leaves you with like WTF haha. Thank you:) Maybe one day I'll re shoot it with actually actors to get what I was looking for. Thanks for the link too:)