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I think I have a way to make it the way, that Shlomi doesn't talk about his problem, but Ilana makes him to. ILANA What a lovely view, isn’t it? SHLOMI I’m sure it’s no less beautiful from down here. ILANA It’s almost sunset. Wanna watch it with me? SHLOMI...

Hey everybody. Here is the new draft. I decided to keep the part where Shlomi starts talking about his problems, even when he sees Ilana on the ledge. I want to keep the "What-the-f*ck" atmosphere. I made a few changes which are crucial to the story. 1) - I made clearer the reasons why both...

Well, Shlomi is an absurd character. Who would stay virgin just because he wants a certain girl to be his first time? That's a fairytale. And who would google "how to take a girl to a movie"? :) Anyway, I'll write another draft and try to implement your notes.

FantasySciFi, in this draft, Ilana has no husband. I made her problem more light and similar to his. She suffers from unrequited love, just like him. No addicted son, no child rape. Only a man she loves, who uses her to do favors for him. Just like Shlomi is used by the girl he loves. Both...

Most small clinics in Israel don't have standard working hours - they work as their boss wants them to work, so it's okay. Also, I can make him call the clinic at 6.30pm and say "I need to see Ilana, it's urgent". Many psychologists DO change their schedule if their regular patient says it's...

You've come to the point how I thought to write this from the beginning. The initial plan was that Shlomi visits her REGULARLY. That explains how Ilana knows his problem, and why she is on the ledge when he comes in. That also includes the next patient (which comes in after Shlomi) be known to...

Good point. I'll think about that. Well, then I believe the part with him searching google for psychologist clinics in the town and finding the "one-meeting-treatment" advertisement solves the problem. She doesn't know. She counts on her acting skills. That's why when Shlomi climbs on the...

Well, I can have him type "psychology clinics in [his town]" in google, and find and advertisement "one-meeting-cure, X dollars only. Call [a number]". Since his is not a very smart teen, and not very rich, this advert might catch his attention. What I am afraid of is the time it takes to show...

Thanks for the notes. The idea of the last draft, is that they are a team of frauds, who hunt for Nobel Prize. Even if she is a real psychologist (she needs a legal argument). I'll change the cuffs, thank you too. About the clinic. Think about an advertisement: "One appointment cure for all...

Okay, here's the second draft. About the genre, I've got mixed feedbacks, quite the opposite from each other. Sure the concept is humorous. The dilemma is whether it's a comedy or a dark comedy. Should it be funny, that the audience will laugh all the time, or should it be dark, that the funny...

I think I know what I'll do. I won't turn the psychologist's problem less heavy, because I want the protagonist shocked. But I will try to deliver her heavy problem in a funny way. About realism, I'd be glad to have some examples, because I want to make Ilana's character surprising, not...

Well, we Israelis have less patience :) Nobody would wait more than 5 minutes unless there is a receptionist that tells them to. Speaking of actual psychology... When someone with a problem helps another person with a similar problem, he also helps himself (at least partially). It is a matter...

Well, mistakes happen. :) Police have their own police that watches over them, yet they still violate the law. Politicians have an organization that watch over them, yet some still go corrupt. And remember a few weeks ago, when an unstable German pilot crushed a plane on flight? Don't pilots...

But it wasn't solved by that pep talk. Actually, I've written quite the opposite: The guy FAILS to talk her out of suicide. She says, - "Too late", and wants to jump. That's why the guy climbs on the ledge with her, and says that if she jumps, he jumps after her. And then comes the personal...

Hey everyone. I've written the script. Here it is: On the Ledge Critique please.

I think I can do this: When the guy leaves the office, he bypasses the secretary table, but the secretary is not there. He gives no attention to this, because he believes the psychologist is already "healed". A new patient arrives, finds no receptionist, and heads directly to the psychologist...

The question is, what happens later, AFTER the boy helps her solve the problem and leaves the office? He should meet the secretary again, in the outer office. He must say her/him something. He can't just ignore her. And we, the audience, must figure out somehow that he/she was a part of the ruse.

FantasySciFi, that's what I planned. 1-2 locations, 2-3 actors. I don't even need to show the girl he loves. I can give a standard situation: 1) - The guy types in google "how to take a girl to a movie" (since he's not successful with girls) 2) - Reads the results 3) - Holds the phone...

I won't make mental illnesses. It's difficult to act (and to write as well). Also, people can go to psychologists with everyday man problems, like stress or broken love or whatever. It doesn't have to be mental illness. In my case, I've chosen a guy with a standard problem - he is in love with...

I have an idea for a short script. It's about a depressed guy with an unrequited love, who goes to a psychologist and finds her trying to commit a suicide. He saves her from jumping out of the window of her office, plans to go another psychologist, a sane one, but realizes she might repeat her...