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There are no serious objections but I want to point out these are auditions, which can be very different beasts from table reads. Auditions are to find the appropriate actors, while table reads use the selected actors to develop the scene dynamics. There is nothing wrong with your approach but...

If they are scheming together, then it's definitely on the illegal side anyway. Because the law is often based on specific conditions being met and precedents, all the details are important. Some conditions are subject to interpretation by judges and juries often turning on a single word or...

In general, it should make sense why characters do what they do. Sounds like the writer felt you just dropped them into the story in a way that didn't feel believable. The other films you mentioned make the supporting characters relevant. Haven't read your script so no specific advice. In all...

You're blurbling about nonsense. If you want constructive feedback, provide the excerpted scene. As it is, you've stated you've changed the story. So what made it 'wrong' before may no longer be the case. You want a blanket rule when one doesn't exist. If you choose not to share, then you...

People make emotional decisions which are not always rational or logical but they are always motivated by something important to the individual. I'm glad to hear you've decided to take a new approach. There is the emotional story (subjective) and the actual, visual story (objective). If you...

Big whoop either way. Neither would be very surprising given the genre. Putting a woman in the story as a central character means she's a villain or the ingenue. Either way, she will probably pull out a gun and shoot someone. You keep taking about twist, shock and surprise. Honestly, there...

Yep. :coffee: I see the problem, you need the reader to think she's guilty, then try to convince them she's not, then slam them over the head that she really is. There are things you can do. These kind of 'stock behaviors' are repeatedly used in films and television. So anyone seeing yours...

Even Perry Mason or one of his aids visited potential witnesses, so I doubt it would raise too much of any concern. However, it sounds like this is crooked situation to begin with, so you've thrown 'legal' out the window. I'd say it's a moot issue. If the audience thinks it's questionable, it...

Congratulations on getting to page 7. It is often helpful to have an outline to work from. Just a couple points. This is not the way to use MONTAGE. Montage is a collection of images often around a theme. A SERIES OF SHOTS tends to be more focused in a sequential order. However, in your...

The question is "which do you feel you can develop best for your needs?" An inspired writer and/or director could make any of these. It only matters to you. Choose wisely.

I suggest you pay him to re-write your script for you since he's actually read it. :P :pop:

:cheers: :pop:

No to all of the above. If you want to indicate it's a dream sequence you can but it would depend but it's not a description the viewer would see. Don't use italics like that. Italics draw attention to things being sung or treated differently (translated when delivered into another language)...

Being a screenwriter can be tough. You are not only writing the story but you have to step back imagine watching the story. This villain has taken such great pains so why leave a safe in plain view and unmonitored? If the info was incriminating, you'd keep it really close to you. If the MC...

Could be what comes before this scene or after this scene that doesn't sit right. Has the MC overheard in a prior conversation that the villain's going to open his safe? How would he know that it's a safe and not a phone given DTMF sounds? Since he's been tracking the bad guy, he must realize...

Be careful. You can't copyright an idea. Most sites have fine print which says you indemnify them if a company takes an idea and develops it. Personally, I'd be very wary. I register my screenplays and document who gets sent what and when. Many of these sites can be very lax about...

That's fine. This is a writing forum that's more aimed at how-to. There is a marketplace section for actually sharing/selling scripts. If you're looking for scripts you might also check there. Though I'm sure you'll find writers here with shorts to share too. Good luck.

Welcome to the forum. You really want to learn how to properly format a script. Reading this is difficult. It wasn't clear where the story starts--a desk in Homer's house? Mr. Burns' office? Homer's office at work? The parentheses are incorrect and immediately throws a reader off. Lines...

Why don't you shoot it? The best way to learn screenwriting is to be involved in production. Get a friend with a good camera, a few friends who can act and shoot it yourselves. Great experience.

It felt a bit heavy handed and predictable but would make a good short. It has some basic problems with "We see ..." and other format issues that you'd want to fix if you intend to send this off. You might try shooting it yourself.