Hmm, interesting. A relatively sophisticated concept, intercutting between the two realities, which certainly has a lot of potential. However, the sound design (inc. music) was far less sophisticated, to the point of being extremely basic/non-existant. The sound does no more than just support some of the visual movement in the frame rather than help to tell the story and because of this it actually creates a contradiction which confuses rather than helps the storytelling. For example, two different realities would by definition sound different but they don't in your short, which leads to a contradiction and will cause confusion in your audience.
If you are going to use a more sophisticated concept like this in your filmmaking then you are going to have to carry it through all the aspects of your filmmaking, not just apply it to the visuals. It's a shame, a good idea, executed well (or well enough) visually but dramatically weakened overall by not applying anywhere near the same attention to detail or artistic intent to the sound side of the filmmaking equation.
G