New movie idea - will it work?

[niceguy]

Hi guys! I have a great (imho) movie idea for a long time but I still didn't start to write it because I don't know if it's a great idea for high budget movie or not.

It's a comedy about the guy who lives his usual live in NYC. He is a normal guy (average American), except that he is in the middle of his thirties and he has no friends and no wife because he works "24/7" (in finance) but he is not rich and even lives a in very crappy apartment in NYC. So, one day he finds out about his promotion but with one condition if he finish one important project till the day after tomorrow. He is very happy and also he is very tired but he goes home after his work to start working on this project and several "NIGGAS" rob him on the street and hit him with a baseball bat. He wake up two days later in the backyard of cafe in the center of BEIJING (CHINA)(nobody knows how and what the fu). At first he think he is in the china town in NYC, but then he realize that he is in CHINA. He start to look for help and find Chinese guy who speaks English and this Chinese guy goes to EUROPE. To make long story short NYC guy goes through the Europe with CHINESE guy and then with CHINESE guy's friends from different countries to get back home, all crazy stuff happen to him ... he is not already worry about his job because he knows he lost it but now he worry about all his illegal steps he that he passed and should pass and furthermore bad guys is hunting him. (but good news that he met girl in one china who he liked....no I think it's bad news because he lost her).

P.S. Please, judge me, give me some comments and advice or feel free to pm me. THX.
P.P.S.How do you think this story can be finished?(I have my end). Did you see something familiar?
P.P.P.S. I am a new guy on this forum so I want to say "HI" to everybody!

 

[cheeseandachallenge]

I didn't feel like there was anything special here, but it's way you execute it...
What experience level are you (I'm guessing low since you're asking if it's a good idea)? How the eff are you going to shoot all those locations?
..why did you use the word "NIGGAS"..?

 

[ChimpPhobiaFilms]

Hello new dude

I don't know about this script. I don't think this would work as a script pitch, and the idea isn't the most original. The China idea isn't bad though. There are many things in this script that concern me.

"NIGGAS"

You know, "guys" would work fine. That's offensive... and racist.

stuff happen to him

Wow!

------------------

A few questions:
What are the bad guys motives?
How did they get him to China?
Why does this Chinese guy help him?
How does he travel? Didn't the bad guys take his wallet?

How about this:

JOE, an average middle class New Yorker, has no friends or stable relationship because of the long hours he works in a financial company. One night, Joe is robbed on the street by a group of terrorists, and is knocked out.

Joe wakes up in a crate full of food that was imported from the US to China. He gets out, and begins looking for someone who speaks English. Late into the night, he comes across a restaurant and meets the owner, who is willing to help him escape. While staying a few days there, he falls in love with the man's daughter.

Meanwhile, the terrorists get off their boat at a secret location. They open a box, surprised to find food supplies. They grabbed the wrong crate. They wanted to get the crate with the man, so they could hold him hostage to get money from the financial company he was working for.

Back in China, Joe and the Restaurant Owner sneak onto a boat to get to Europe to get on a boat that will lead him to America. He has to leave the girl.

Once he gets to Europe, they spend a night at a hotel.

Meanwhile, the terrorists track where the box was exported to, and where the man went. They are lead to the restaurant, and then to the girl. They kidnap her.

The next morning, the restaurant owner and Joe try to get on a plane. Joe is hidden in a suitcase. While at baggage claim, Joe accidentally farts, and everyone thinks he has a bomb in his suitcase. There a is a large chase scene between a large group of police and Joe + the restaurant owner. They hide from the cops by slipping onto a boat, which happens to be going to America!

They are happy and excited to finally get there. Once they get there, they find out the boarding area has been taken over by the terrorists. They are holding the restaurant owner's daughter captive. The restaurant owner pulls out two pistols from his pockets and begins shooting. He calls in a group of agents. The owner reveals himself as a member of the CIA.

[Michael Bay style action filler]

All of the terrorists and CIA agents are killed. Only the terrorist leader, the man, the CIA agent/restaurant owner, and daughter are still there. The terrorist punches out the CIA agent/owner, and takes his gun. He takes the daughter, and holds it to her head. He threatens to kill her if he does not get the money. They say no, and he pulls the trigger.

The CIA agent chuckles. He is holding the bullets from the gun in his hands.

They take away the terrorist, and they explain everything to the man. They were going to take him hostage, the daughter and restaurant owner were actually partners in the CIA, and the reason he was not turned into the police was because the European country they were in were in a secret war with America, etc. He returns to his normal life.

The man sits in his lonely apartment, waiting... but for what?

His new wife - the agent.


---------------

That's the big budget version. I could create an indie version.

Also, OP, this is IndieTalk, not HollywoodTalk. We don't have the money for these kind of films.

 

[Cracker Funk]

Chimp, I don't think there's anything wrong with people asking for feedback here, for spec scripts that would require BIG budgets.

That being said, yeah, I think our new friend is perhaps not just relatively new to the English language, but also likely not entirely familiar with our culture.

niceguy, it's the opposite of nice to use the word "nigga" or "nigger". I'm giving you exactly ONE get-out-of-jail-free card, because I think you'd have to be pretty darn naive not to know how incredibly offensive the use of that word is in America.

By the way, it's not just the use of the word that's offensive. Here you've got a "normal" "average" American, as your hero. By the context of your description, I can't help but think that you think a "normal" American is white. And then this person gets robbed by a bunch of black people, setting off a horrific/hilarious string of events? Mmm, I could be reading too much into it, but I think you kinda laid yourself out there for some harsh judging.

 

[Jack Lynt]

There's no reason why it couldn't work as a screenplay or as a story in some form. Yes, it sounds familiar. But that's okay. It's pretty tough or even impossible to avoid that. You don't tell us much about the story, but the premise is fine. It reminds me of Michael Douglas waking up in Mexico in The Game.

You say it's a comedy. So will it be a fish out of water story? Or something else?

So yeah, do you want to write it just for the heck of it, as a spec script, or to make yourself?

I do wonder why anyone would bother to kidnap him or whatever. Do you know?

I suppose it might be fun if, once he's in China, anyway, the Red Army is after him for some reason. I have no idea why they would be, but could be fun.

Good luck.

 

[victortiti89]

This looks a bit like Eurotrip to me! Anyway, just make it interesting and unique and make sure you're really a funny person, and you're not just fighting and struggling and slaving just for writing one unique and funny dialogue line. There are differences between these stories and you should exploit them very well in your script. About the "n-word": The original poster might be black, so I'm not sure if it's ok or not to use it. Otherwise, it's plain offensive.

 

[cheeseandachallenge]

The original poster might be black, so I'm not sure if it's ok or not to use it. Otherwise, it's plain offensive.

Eh, it's more of a grey area, but it's still somewhat offensive.

In the same way it's more tricky to argue that a gay person using the word "faggot", it still inferring that it is bad to be a member of a marginalised culture are, and still comes from 'burning gay people alive'.

It's tricky, and an area of debate (it also depends how the word is used, a lot of rappers use it in a kind of counter cultural way, to 'reclaim' it (to make it 'their' word, instead of a slur). But in casual use, it kind of just reinforces the idea that it is ok..

Anyway, it's such a complex issue, I don't know if this is the right place to have the debate (plenty of people have it, no one ever gets a real answer).

 

[rayw]

Straight cracker wid mayo sez "No. It will not work."

 

[Christopher.Gros]

New movie idea - will it work?

I read that in the voice of the "Will It Blend?" guy.

Story sounds interesting, but would have to be careful with how you profile your characters. Like Cracker Funk said, an average white guy getting robbed by black guys could be funny to an extent, but more likely would provoke a negative reaction in the audience members.

 

[niceguy]

WOW! Tons of critics. I like that! Yes, I am new to this craft but I want to study. Thank you guys for comments.

Hello new dude

You know, "guys" would work fine. That's offensive... and racist.

A few questions:
What are the bad guys motives?
How did they get him to China?
Why does this Chinese guy help him?
How does he travel? Didn't the bad guys take his wallet?
.

First of all, I am sorry to use this offensive and rasist word (even though every new yorker use this word in a casual conversation). I didn't mean it, and by the way I wasn't going to write that he was robbed by African-American guys.

Answers:
1. Actually, robbers are not the bad guys that hunt him, bad guys is another story that happens with him on the way home through the Europe. Let's say Interpol and bad guys looking for him because he did some bad things.

2. That's the problem that nobody knows how he get there but in the end of the movie it's gonna be the hint that the girl (his beloved) is the person who arranged all this performance.

3. Chinese is very successful man who works in London as doctor, but before that he used a lot of alcohol and woke up a lot of times in different places. So, he is going to the London and he take NYC guy with him to help him because he remind him himself.

4. He travel illegally because he has nothing with him and he woke up almost naked.

Yes, it's the fish out of water story. He was the nice guy in the beginning of the story and then the world changed him.

 

[ChimpPhobiaFilms]

First of all, I am sorry to use this offensive and rasist word (even though every new yorker use this word in a casual conversation). I didn't mean it, and by the way I wasn't going to write that he was robbed by African-American guys.

Better. I don't understand why they have to be African American, but okay!
Also, I don't think that word is used casually by "every New Yorker".

Answers:
1. Actually, robbers are not the bad guys that hunt him, bad guys is another story that happens with him on the way home through the Europe. Let's say Interpol and bad guys looking for him because he did some bad things.

I thought that they first show up in New York, not in Europe. Are you saying that he was in Europe, then traveled back to the US, and was followed by some guys he messed with?

2. That's the problem that nobody knows how he get there but in the end of the movie it's gonna be the hint that the girl (his beloved) is the person who arranged all this performance.

What is her motive? Also, I thought he had no wife/girlfriend when he was in NYC.

3. Chinese is very successful man who works in London as doctor, but before that he used a lot of alcohol and woke up a lot of times in different places. So, he is going to the London and he take NYC guy with him to help him because he remind him himself.

Why/how is he in China?

4. He travel illegally because he has nothing with him and he woke up almost naked.

Okay, but why wouldn't he turn himself into the police? He has proof of being an American citizen.

Yes, it's the fish out of water story. He was the nice guy in the beginning of the story and then the world changed him.

In the beginning of the story, he is lonely, depressed, and has no friends/partner. He gets worse?

Thanks for responding

 

[niceguy]

I want to give some final details and I think it will change entire picture.
Actually, the story starts when NYC guy is in school. We can say that he is a guy with connection, everybody likes him, he is friendly and has a lot of girls, he is not good pupil but his friends are nerds and he always protect them from bullies. One time after the fight with bullies, he almost killed one guy and he was forced to choose to go to the jail or move to another state. He decided to move to another state (NY) and start studying very well. Then fifteen years later, he was usual NYC guy.......................(FIRST POST) and he got to CHINA. When he understood that he is in CHINA, he started to look for people who speak English and found the girl (ANA), she offered him some money to buy some clothes( she had one money bill, so he should return her a change), but in the store he was caught by the police for what he didn't do. He didn't bring her change and Ana thought that he is thief. CHINEse guy helped him to escape from police and they went to LONDON. Next time they (guy and ANA met in the Moscow, where he tried to explain all situation but she didn't believed him and he was in hurry(as she said she is a college graduate who won a trip to CHINA, Russia and Europe.) So she gone, and they met only in LONDON where was his last illegal thing is landing on the plane to NYC (his Chinese guy had some connections). They got to NYC somehow and when he should gave her money, he found that he apartment is sold and he got a Realtor's house where they went and he saw his school nerd friends who told him a story about their big company and that now he has a one third percent of stocks in their business (long story how it happened). They told him that they found him a month ago and saw how desperate he was, so they decided to hire some people from people for hour do what they did. AND it really helped: he became another guy and he found a girl. Two days later, the girl confessed that he is the daughter of billionaire who died one year ago and now she is a billionaire. She visit all this countries to check all her companies.

It's all story that we can see, but in the end of the movie we can see her security guard who is the same person who robbed him and some other hints, so the real truth and conclusion that the girl found the guy and hired all his school friends (gave them the company) and he was sure that he will fall in love in her after all of this except bad guy, police and Chinese guy and his friends (they were real).



Is't it became better or worse? Personally, I feel like is not the right end for the high budget movie, but I don't have any other thoughts.

Why NYC guy didn't go to the China police???? Probably he thought that they will not believe him as nobody did, so he decided to make illegal trip (furthermore, CHINESE guy had all connection and knew every thing how to do it.)

 

[dlevanchuk]

too messy. This sounds like a high concept idea, but you re waaaaaay over complicating it.

This is pretty much "Hangover", yes? The whole promotion thing is irrelevant to your story what so ever. Ignore it.

Your big story idea is a guy wakes up in china and seeks the way out, right? Why does he
work in finance? Can he work somewhere else? What of your main character was a well known guy who is a main voice against labor outsourcing to china? Imagine what kind of conflict would that be? He is super pro american, china doesn't like him, and he ends up waking up naked in China! How will he get out of it?!

EVERY element in your screenplay should support your main story in one way on another, otherwise it's completely irrelevant and not needed.

just my 2 cents..

We can say that he is a guy with connection, everybody likes him, he is friendly and has a lot of girls, he is not good pupil but his friends are nerds and he always protect them from bullies. One time after the fight with bullies, he almost killed one guy and he was forced to choose to go to the jail or move to another state. He decided to move to another state (NY) and start studying very well. Then fifteen years later, he was usual NYC guy.......................(FIRST POST) and he got to CHINA. When he understood that he is in CHINA, he started to look for people who speak English and found the girl (ANA), she offered him some money to buy some clothes( she had one money bill, so he should return her a change), but in the store he was caught by the police for what he didn't do. He didn't bring her change and Ana thought that he is thief. CHINEse guy helped him to escape from police and they went to LONDON. Next time they (guy and ANA met in the Moscow, where he tried to explain all situation but she didn't believed him and he was in hurry(as she said she is a college graduate who won a trip to CHINA, Russia and Europe.) So she gone, and they met only in LONDON where was his last illegal thing is landing on the plane to NYC (his Chinese guy had some connections). They got to NYC somehow and when he should gave her money, he found that he apartment is sold and he got a Realtor's house where they went and he saw his school nerd friends who told him a story about their big company and that now he has a one third percent of stocks in their business (long story how it happened). They told him that they found him a month ago and saw how desperate he was, so they decided to hire some people from people for hour do what they did. AND it really helped: he became another guy and he found a girl. Two days later, the girl confessed that he is the daughter of billionaire who died one year ago and now she is a billionaire. She visit all this countries to check all her companies.

This is extremely in-active and boring movie dude... Here is why. All of the action that is happening in your story is just
"stuff happening and this is how he is reacting to it"... That is boring.

It would be much better if the stuff where happening as a RESULT of his action.

 

[Mirthan]

Yeah,I agree with what's said above.

Your story needs to be way more original. You need something that stands out in your story,and at the moment I can't really see that.

Also,isn't this a low budget movie? How were you going to film all those locations?