archived-videos Breaking Up

Q

QuietTimeProductions

First off let me get this statement out there. I'm very, very new to film making and are still in the nursing stages of our team. I've had an interest and passion in film making for all of my life and decided that it's time to bite the bullet and start on my passionate journey.

That's where you come in, any constructive criticism, critiquing, compliments, what we are doing wrong, what we are doing right, are welcome and encouraged! Like I said our production team is still getting off our feet and need all the guidance we can get from people in the industry on our $800 budget!

So without further ado,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F4o_xPFT84

Link for those of you who have trouble with embedded players
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F4o_xPFT84


Oh and for exposures sake, Don't forget to leave a comment and press the thumbs up if you like it!
 
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I like this. And for a first effort it seems a lot more than what I could do. Good acting and good lighting (as far as i know about lighting), and overall it is such a true and relatable film b/c I know I've gone through a lot of these thoughts.

I like the fact that there is background ambient noise and without some it would seem eerily quiet but the background noise a tiny bit too loud. Its a bit distracting.
 
it was good. what i really would have liked to seen is a wide shot of them both sitting at the table just to get my bearings a bit, because although you know they are sitting either side of it, there is a couple of awkward shots on the girl which dont look or feel right to me. the guy shots are nice and are clear, but its inconsistent because they the shots on the guy are all OTS but the ones on the girl are at an awkward angle shoving her into the bottom left of the screen, just a thought i think it would look better if we also saw her OTS as well. but overall i liked the colour, acting, and lighting, the story was well thought out.
 
Smurfy8797 said:
it was good. what i really would have liked to seen is a wide shot of them both sitting at the table just to get my bearings a bit
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I agree, I felt that a two shot would've done much more for the story especially the beginning part. It was good though.
 
that1guyy said:
I like this. And for a first effort it seems a lot more than what I could do. Good acting and good lighting (as far as i know about lighting), and overall it is such a true and relatable film b/c I know I've gone through a lot of these thoughts.

I like the fact that there is background ambient noise and without some it would seem eerily quiet but the background noise a tiny bit too loud. Its a bit distracting.
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Yeah the noise is something that got to me but we couldn't end up changing because we were in a public restaurant and only had a corner booked off.
 
I really like this, great script...keep it up. Just one little thing: the line about the box of chocolates is straight from Forrest Gump, I would change that into something different, otherwise it looks like you 'borrowed' it...:)
 
gpauwen said:
I really like this, great script...keep it up. Just one little thing: the line about the box of chocolates is straight from Forrest Gump, I would change that into something different, otherwise it looks like you 'borrowed' it...:)
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Haha yeah, let's look at it more like a show of respect haha
 
I think you need to try and clean up the sound, really that's the only thing holding this back from being really good...

The acting and writing are good. The shots are good (I agree that there has to be a wide and the OTSs should probably match) but other than that it's a neat little short.

There's a moment when you bring the older guy in the background into focus but he never gets involved in the action. Why?

I like the surreal elements. You could add to that when he says something about 'ripping off a band-aid' why not cut to a shot of someone ripping of a band-aid (or plaster as we say over here)? That would play to the strengths of the short. But nice job all the same.
 
Sweet. I love films that get into people's heads. 127 Hours was the most recent example of this approach to investigating the characters, and this short takes a similar route. I do like the use of the extreme close-up during his inner dialog, but I agree with NickClapper that cutting to extraneous shots of a band-aid coming off or whatever else would add to the wit and speed of the story. With these kind of projects, I think it's important to keep the visual momentum of the piece going fast and hard alongside the dialog. You have the dialog down pat, but some clippier edits and slightly comical, artsy B-Roll would make this all the better.

Great acting!
 
first off - content. It's funny. I cracked up a couple of times. Humor can make everything forgivable. Keep going for humor. I'm about to do my first short so i cant say much. but with that said, maybe you shouldve considered closer face shots at times. I didn't like the zoom in at the beginning. Also the character talked too much with one single shot on him at the intro - but i see what you were trying to set up. Lighting, colors look good. Sound is noisy. What camera/lens did you use? Again, the humor made up for a lot - very cool. Entertaining. You couldve included more of the ambiance.
 
It was great for a first project. That said, I'm going to be brutal for a bit. The audio was pretty distracting. I understand the issues of recording in an open business, but there's a lot you could do in post to tweak it. The zoom shot in the beginning wasn't smooth, there was a jump near the beginning of it, and the auto iris was adjusting. Even had it been perfectly smooth zooms like that tend to look cheesy, not in a good way. Some of the cuts didn't work. Random focusing on the old guy sitting behind was pointless. I felt the extreme closeup had too shallow of a DoF. I was annoyed by the fact that half his eyebrow was in focus. It would normally be a non-issue, but you stayed on that shot for far too long not to analyze it. That leads into my next point; it seemed like you only had 3 shots for the vast majority of the film, which is just boring. While I did laugh a few times, I felt it dragged on. That would probably be remedied by having more of a variety of shots. All that being said, I still enjoyed it. I'm not trying to be harsh, just wanted to give some helpful criticism.
 
It's a very promising start. It's well-written with a good feel for comedy.

It's looks like most of the time a tripod is used, but during the closeups on the guy's face the camera looks shaky for some reason.

I think the focusing on the old guy was meant to signify that he's eavesdropping on the conversation.
 
Great film! The only criticism I'd have is the sound. I would've recorded a the sounds of the restaurant separate from the dialog.
 
IndyRiot said:
Great film! The only criticism I'd have is the sound. I would've recorded a the sounds of the restaurant separate from the dialog.
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Yeah definitely this is probably the one project that I'd love to reshoot with the knowledge I've learned in the past 10 months. Sucks the only thing keeping this off my portfolio is choppy sound :(
 
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