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yatesy_2k4
Guest
Hey, this is my first post here so ill just say.
Im 16 years old actor/director and am currently writing up my first ever feature film (hope to be) it is called mirror man and below is the storyline i have written, some things have changed in the majorly detailed version but basically its all the same. Please tell me what you think of the storyline itself. Thanks.
"*PAST BUILD UP* (not to be shown at beginning) In the time of the 1800 were there was no law. A man named Samuel Walter owned a mansion in which he used it for the pleasure of children. His mansion was used as a school for 12-16 year olds. Samuel was a quiet but well respected person in the village and was a great collector of mirrors with a long hallway full of mirrors, but one day for some unknown reason Samuel went crazy and killed all the children in the mansion. Word got out and all the fathers gathered and then broke into the house. They found him in the hall of mirrors and began in attempt to kill him. Samuel slashed out with knifes and killed all of them except one. He was the one who killed Samuel, mirrors were smashed and blood was spread all over them.
Now in the year of 2000 the millennium has just passed and a new rich family are moving into the mansion. A husband and wife along side a 14 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son. The daughter named Sandra is a enthusiastic girl. She is the first one to notice the hall of mirrors and she finds a special one and she decides to have it in her room. On the first night she is doing her hair in the mirror when she notices in the mirror an evil looking man stood at the door. She quickly turns around and nobody is there, she walks towards the door and begins to look round the corner when her mum jumps out on her. She sees Samuel in the mirror a few more times before going into the village to find out some history on the mansion. She finds a very man who tells her the story of the past and tells her that the survivor has to live an eternal life as punishment for killing the man. She doesn’t believe it and carries on. Towards the end her brother is playing in the mirror when the man grabs him from the mirror and drags him in. With no parents around the house is empty and all Sandra hears is a loud scream from her room. Nobody is there and she begins to shout her brothers name, her back is to the mirror as you see Samuel walking what looks as though he is in the room but he walks straight out of the mirror and stands behind Sandra. He grabs here by the hair and puts a blade to her throat. The man walks in and starts to talk to Samuel about how he has had to witness Samuel kill child after child since it all happened and now it is time for it to come to an end. As he says that the room transforms into the hallway were bodies are seen. The two men go into a fight, the man kills Samuel again but after that he kills himself dramatically to end his torment. Everything transforms back to Sandra’s room were she breaks down and begins to cry.
2 Weeks later the family are moving out of the house. Sandra takes one last walk down the hallway of mirrors and looks at were the mirror she took was placed, her eye catches one mirror were she sees Samuel and immediately turns around to see no-one. About two seconds later a hand quickly comes out of a mirror and grabs her head. A knife then slashes as it ends."
Any tips on what ya think could make it better.
Im 16 years old actor/director and am currently writing up my first ever feature film (hope to be) it is called mirror man and below is the storyline i have written, some things have changed in the majorly detailed version but basically its all the same. Please tell me what you think of the storyline itself. Thanks.
"*PAST BUILD UP* (not to be shown at beginning) In the time of the 1800 were there was no law. A man named Samuel Walter owned a mansion in which he used it for the pleasure of children. His mansion was used as a school for 12-16 year olds. Samuel was a quiet but well respected person in the village and was a great collector of mirrors with a long hallway full of mirrors, but one day for some unknown reason Samuel went crazy and killed all the children in the mansion. Word got out and all the fathers gathered and then broke into the house. They found him in the hall of mirrors and began in attempt to kill him. Samuel slashed out with knifes and killed all of them except one. He was the one who killed Samuel, mirrors were smashed and blood was spread all over them.
Now in the year of 2000 the millennium has just passed and a new rich family are moving into the mansion. A husband and wife along side a 14 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son. The daughter named Sandra is a enthusiastic girl. She is the first one to notice the hall of mirrors and she finds a special one and she decides to have it in her room. On the first night she is doing her hair in the mirror when she notices in the mirror an evil looking man stood at the door. She quickly turns around and nobody is there, she walks towards the door and begins to look round the corner when her mum jumps out on her. She sees Samuel in the mirror a few more times before going into the village to find out some history on the mansion. She finds a very man who tells her the story of the past and tells her that the survivor has to live an eternal life as punishment for killing the man. She doesn’t believe it and carries on. Towards the end her brother is playing in the mirror when the man grabs him from the mirror and drags him in. With no parents around the house is empty and all Sandra hears is a loud scream from her room. Nobody is there and she begins to shout her brothers name, her back is to the mirror as you see Samuel walking what looks as though he is in the room but he walks straight out of the mirror and stands behind Sandra. He grabs here by the hair and puts a blade to her throat. The man walks in and starts to talk to Samuel about how he has had to witness Samuel kill child after child since it all happened and now it is time for it to come to an end. As he says that the room transforms into the hallway were bodies are seen. The two men go into a fight, the man kills Samuel again but after that he kills himself dramatically to end his torment. Everything transforms back to Sandra’s room were she breaks down and begins to cry.
2 Weeks later the family are moving out of the house. Sandra takes one last walk down the hallway of mirrors and looks at were the mirror she took was placed, her eye catches one mirror were she sees Samuel and immediately turns around to see no-one. About two seconds later a hand quickly comes out of a mirror and grabs her head. A knife then slashes as it ends."
Any tips on what ya think could make it better.