What do you think?

[dlevanchuk]

Hey guys, i wrote down rough outline for a short film, and was wondering if it sounds interesting. Trying to practice to create interesting conflicts between the characters and situations..


Here it goes:


Passive and benevolent husband has a dream to become a writer, but his assertive wife pushes for normal life. Husband works as a clerk for wife's family owned company. Recent employee suicide causes husband to work mandatory overtime to pick up dead-man's slack, causing him to stop attending after hours writing courses. At home, husband tells about the issue to his wife, but instead wife sees it as benefit to save money for her goal to open an accounting firm. Next day manager reports that janitorial staff has been laid off due to financial cuts, and assigns husband to do janitorial duty as well, instead of attending his writing courses. With that final straw husband leaves the job and everything else behind. He calls the taxi cab and heads to airport.


What do you think? Does it work for a short under 15 min movie?

PS sorry for grammar.. trying to work on it by writing more, but English is my second language :-P

 

[Alcove Audio]

Drama? Comedy?

Why does he want to write? Why now?

If hubby and wife are so different why are they together in the first place?

I can understand cut-backs (or suicide - why that, BTW?) increasing the work load, but why the step back into janitorial work?


I would be more inclined towards a family business scenario - Smith and Sons - the protagonist being the youngest son. The father was ill, then dies, which puts the business in turmoil, the bad economy doesn't help. Lots of opportunity for brotherly conflict, dragging up the past; a funeral/wake scene to open the short can provide tons of background in a very short period of time.

 

[dlevanchuk]

those are some good questions! I'll definitely look into it, tweak with characters and situations.

This short would be drama with some comedy tones.

Thank you for your helpful input!

 

[arrodiii]

When I read this, I kind of thought of Catherine Martell and Pete Martell in a way from Twin Peaks. I can definitely see something like this - happens a lot.

http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/16701