What am I doing wrong that the script is too long?

[harmonica44]

I wrote a script single lined, cause double spacing was just making it too long. It has a lot of action/suspense scenes, and I was told before that in order to make a good impression to script readers, I should double line it all. I wrote using the three act structure, most thrillers use, that are around 90-110 minutes. My script single lined, came out to 134 pages, so I can only imagine how long it will be all double lined. What did I do wrong with the formula that it came out so long?

And no, there are no really unnecessary scenes to cut out that are left.

 

[harmonica44]

Sure I will write my next script according the links giving to me, and try to follow them as much as possible. I did this last time to, but maybe it's just in my wording of the action scenes, which makes it long. I will do so the way shown as close as I can.

 

[FantasySciFi]

Okay thanks, I think I will post some pages once I get the file off my old computer. I don't think the script is long enough for 134 it just somehow came out to that. One thing is, is that I was told by others online to create a new scene heading every time the scene changes, even if it's continuous. This is the professional way, when it comes to shooting and all.

But having to create a new scene heading every time a man walks out of the WASHROOM into the HALLWAY for example, takes up a lot of space. I can't just write that he goes from the washroom into the hallway in once sentence, I actually was told to write a new scene heading every time. All those headings make the story longer than it is, and are part of the problem.

Another thing is my first short film I wrote and shot. It came out to 11 pages in writing, but now that I am almost done editing, it is almost 30 minutes. I am trimming as much as I can but I already trimmed off most of the leftover fat already. So for my next script I want to write it in a way that it will hopefully come out to as long as I intend, once shot. Could the scene headings be a common problem?

It seems like you are being too detail focused. The most successful scripts keep things clean and simple visually and storywise. It means being ruthless about cutting or compressing segments that are sometimes our 'darlings'. From what you said, you shouldn't have people coming in and out of the bathroom repeatedly. Set it up so there is a sequence inside the bathroom. Then they exit to the hallway for a sequence and then you move on. I realize that may be overly simplistic but think of it from a shooting standpoint, there's a lot of set up. It makes sense to shoot all shots in the location at one time. The more trips back and forth, the more room for slip ups in continuity. You want to be very conservative in the number of scenes/locations.

Yes, there are ways to use "(CONTINUOUS)" to address the locations, but your comment about your last film suggests you have a more critical problem. While the "1 page = 1 minute" is only a guideline, I've found it to be fairly accurate beyond eight pages. For yours to blossom to 1 page = 3 minutes suggests that too much detail is being left in. Now, I'm not suggesting scripted action on a page will all be contained in one minute! However, there is a balance in scripts between action and dialogue. And it certainly seems that 11 pages translating to 30 minutes has something out of balance. I'd anticipate that 11 pp ~ 13-18 minutes long.

As it is, a 90 page script is a challenge to coordinate and film. All I can suggest is that you need to be ruthless or have someone else who can objectively look at your script and be ruthless. As a very rough guideline, many scripts have one scene for every 1.5 pages. So a 120 page script will have about 80 (to 100) scenes. If you're using CeltX, it can give you a scene count. If you are well over 100, you need to consider simplifying.

And while it may not be something that you will want to hear, there are many areas where excess words can appear in a script--dialogue, action, description, even the story itself. While I agree that a story should be as long as it needs to be, there is a limit to attention. Action movies are expected to be done in two hours or less unless you're planning on having an intermission. If you follow your previous pattern, you have 134 pages -> 335 'minutes' ~ 5.6 hours of screen time and 504 hours of shooting (or about 42 twelve hour days). It's a lot of time in all regards since after shooting there's post-production. My point is that the fix you need may not simply be the sluglines. From a production standpoint, you may want to be open to that possibility that portions may need to be re-written or chopped. And it's better to do that before you start filming.

 

[jax_rox]

But having to create a new scene heading every time a man walks out of the WASHROOM into the HALLWAY for example, takes up a lot of space. I can't just write that he goes from the washroom into the hallway in once sentence, I actually was told to write a new scene heading every time. All those headings make the story longer than it is, and are part of the problem.

This is how all scripts are (should) be written and should have no impact on total length. This is also for organisation during shooting - ie, you can have all the washroom scenes in one day, or you need to know that when location scouting you need to find a house that has a washroom and a hallway, not just one or the other. I've seen more extreme examples where people have written:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Dave sits at a table reading. He hears a noise and looks outside. Checking his watch, he grabs his keys. He walks out of the kitchen into the hallway. He pauses near the door, and grabs his jacket off a hanger. He opens the door and exits the house. He walks down the driveway and sees his neighbour, Tim.

DAVE
Hi, Tim.

Dave keeps walking until he gets to his car. He opens his car and gets in, then drives off into the distance.


That needs to broken up into

INT KITCHEN
INT HALLWAY
EXT HOUSE
INT CAR

etc.

 

[harmonica44]

Yeah that's just it. Having too create a new scene heading, everytime a character walks into a new type of room, from another room, is what's causing the script to be longer than it is.