So Im experimenting with video storyboarding, since I'm a terrible sketch artist, and made a few shots..
I didn't really have any props, like rings, photo, crumpled piece of paper with the phone number, but I was concerned about the shot composition, and see how the edited version looks like.
After I put it all together - it just looked kind of boring, and felt like it was a bit too straight forward..
Anybody has a suggestion on how to make this scene more interesting? Maybe more close ups?
Again, this is just for story boarding, so there is no lighting.. and no sound.. just framing.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - DAY
Sunny day in the quite and small neighborhood. Street are
empty from pedestrian traffic.
An older car is parked in the shade of a big tree across
small one story house. Small pile of cigarette butts
scattered on the asphalt next to the driver’s door.
TODD, 30s, in mustard shirt and loose tie, observes the
front of the house from driver’s seat. His fingers slowly
caress a wedding band on his ring finger.
House, with closed window curtains, looks calm and
motionless.
Motorcycle, parked on the driveway, has STUD69 license
plate.
INT. TODD’S CAR - CONTINUE
Todd stares at the photograph attached to the visor. It’s
the picture of him and MARY, his wife.
Picks up the phone, and dials "WIFEY".
As phone dials, Todd notices small movement of the window
curtain. His eyes squint.
He knows THEY are inside.
PHONE
Hello, you’ve reach Mary’s voice
mail--
Todd ends the call, hesitates, and picks up crumpled piece
of paper on his dashboard.
Paper reads "Exterminator. 217-555-5555".
Todd dials the number, but quickly ends the call.
Looks at Mary’s photo once again, takes a deep breath and
redials the number.
Long phone tones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgKwBmRQVo
I didn't really have any props, like rings, photo, crumpled piece of paper with the phone number, but I was concerned about the shot composition, and see how the edited version looks like.
After I put it all together - it just looked kind of boring, and felt like it was a bit too straight forward..
Anybody has a suggestion on how to make this scene more interesting? Maybe more close ups?
Again, this is just for story boarding, so there is no lighting.. and no sound.. just framing.
Here is the page from my screenplay that I was working with:
FADE IN EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - DAY
Sunny day in the quite and small neighborhood. Street are
empty from pedestrian traffic.
An older car is parked in the shade of a big tree across
small one story house. Small pile of cigarette butts
scattered on the asphalt next to the driver’s door.
TODD, 30s, in mustard shirt and loose tie, observes the
front of the house from driver’s seat. His fingers slowly
caress a wedding band on his ring finger.
House, with closed window curtains, looks calm and
motionless.
Motorcycle, parked on the driveway, has STUD69 license
plate.
INT. TODD’S CAR - CONTINUE
Todd stares at the photograph attached to the visor. It’s
the picture of him and MARY, his wife.
Picks up the phone, and dials "WIFEY".
As phone dials, Todd notices small movement of the window
curtain. His eyes squint.
He knows THEY are inside.
PHONE
Hello, you’ve reach Mary’s voice
mail--
Todd ends the call, hesitates, and picks up crumpled piece
of paper on his dashboard.
Paper reads "Exterminator. 217-555-5555".
Todd dials the number, but quickly ends the call.
Looks at Mary’s photo once again, takes a deep breath and
redials the number.
Long phone tones.
And here is the video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgKwBmRQVo
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