Too cliche?

[jstapleton]

I have run into a dilemma in my script. I think I have found a solution but I am worried it is too cliche.

There is a scene in my short film in which the main character flips out. There is a shot where the debris is on the ground and mixed in the pile is a medical bracelet. It won't be obvious but it will be in view. Later in the film she meets a boy but it turns out he is only a figment of her imagination. When she leaves the park the boy is with her but disappears. This is linked to her mental condition, which is what the bracelet was for.

 

[dlevanchuk]

Depends on how you'll execute it. Boy meets girl is a cliche topic as well, yet there are still rom com

Keet it interesting for people to read/watch, and you ll be fine

 

[rayw]

I think the "It was all just a dream" mental health bullsh!t has been done to death.

In fact, there's a healthy chunk of audience that'll rake you over the coals just for wasting their time.
The fundamental issue is that with these imaginary friends and enemies BS is that the audience realizes (consciously or un) that there were no real stakes at risk for the central character.

If you're producing and directing this then gopherit. It's your dime.
However, if you're writing a spec script... then... be aware of the self limiting market inherent with the subject matter.
It'll have to be some pretty effing amazing dialog or story to get someone else to pony up the cash for one of these.


So, now back to the original question.
You stated you had a dilemma and a possible solution.
From the given description I'm not real clear on either. It looks like a fundamental situation.
Are you questioning if briefly including the medical ID bracelet in the debris pile will provide the audience with sufficient information (along with some other feeder info) to eventually realize the main character is hallucinating?

What other possibilities would be available to communicate this?

 

[jstapleton]

Thanks for the input guys. I am making some changes to the story. I felt it was a bit cliche. I changed the ending and got rid out it.