Hey guys I'm halfway done with my script for a "Left 4 Dead" zombie film that will be a series on YouTube and would love to hear some criticsm, feedback, thoughts, ideas, etc.
This is my first time writing a script so if you could give me some advice and ways to improve that'd be great.
EXT. BRUNSWICK
The Androscoggin river flows silently. Main roads of
Brunswick are empty. Maquoit Bay is calm.* Neighborhoods and
stores are abandoned. The Curtis Library is deserted.
INT. LIBRARY
The various floors and sections of the library are empty and
the building is silent - except for the silent study area.
Inside the silent study the clock ticks steadily. The
various rooms of the silent study area are empty, except for
the main area where a lone figure lays asleep. Various
volumes of survival books surround the figure, as well as
books on weapons. The clock strikes 12:00 p.m. and the lone
figure's watch alarm goes off. The figure arouses from sleep
and looks at his watch - 12:00 p.m. He opens up his laptop
and types a password, and then hits the enter button to
begin a video broadcast. He looks into the laptop's camera.
ANGELO
It's 12:00 p.m. on May 25th, 2011.
It's been 24 days since the initial
outbreak on May 1st, 2011 and 3
days since my last update. I
haven't seen any survivors in the
city for almost a week now. I think
people are moving out to the
country. The walkers have been more
active lately, as their food supply
is disappearing. I've been sending
out radio transmissions daily and
haven't gotten any responses. I've
been leaving my radio on scan mode,
and I've been picking up some
sketchy transmissions, but I can't
make out what they're saying.
That's all for today, I have to get
back to work.
Angelo hits enter and closes the laptop. He opens his bag
and takes out some pipe bombs and begins working on one,
when all of a sudden his radio comes to life.
ALEX
(With desperation)
Hello, hello? Is anyone out there?
ANGELO
Hello? Can you repeat your last
transmission?
ALEX
Thank god, we need help! We came to
the city looking for supplies and
ammo and got overwhelmed. We need
help.
ANGELO
Where are you?
ALEX
We're stuck under a bridge next to
a Downeast Energy parking lot and
some train tacks.
ANGELO
(to himself)
I think I know where that is.
(speaking in the radio) What's in
it for me?
ALEX
We left our car parked just outside
of the city. If you help us, you
can come with us to our safe-house
in the countryside.
ANGELO
I'm on my way.
ALEX
Hurry up
Angelo puts down the radio and looks around the room. He
then grabs a backpack and puts all of his bombs in it. Then,
he grabs his pistol and ejects the clip, checks the clip,
and puts it back in. Angelo looks at his watch and grabs the
radio and then leaves.
EXT. BACK OF LIBRARY
Angelo opens the door to the back of the library and
instantly engages two zombies near the door. He shoots them
both in the stomach and then goes to finish them in the
head. Two other zombies in the alley start running at Angelo
and he aims his pistol at the first one and takes it out.
His clip is empty so he puts the gun in his pocket and takes
out a pocket knife. He gets back in a defense position and
when the zombie gets within 5 feet he strikes out, knifing
the zombie in the head.
Moving forward, Angelo approaches the "jail" where a bunch
of zombies are marinating. Written on the wall is the
message, "DO NOT OPEN". Loading his additional clip, Angelo
points his gun at the gate where 3 zombies are eagerly
trying to get out. He takes his pistol out again and puts in
a new clip. One by one he shoots them in the head. After
that he commences a slight jog down the left hand alley of
the Library.
EXT. BRIDGE
Angelo runs up the train tracks and a zombie starts running
at him. He takes out his knife and throws it into the
zombie's head. Proceeding cautiously up the tracks, Angelo
can see two unarmed survivors on top of a slab of concrete.
4 Zombies are trying to reach them but are out of reach. Not
far from the concrete is another survivor who is being eaten
alive by a lone zombie. Angelo takes out his gun and shoots
the zombie. The two other survivors turn around and see what
has just happened.
ALEX
Hurry, grab his gun!
At this moment the 4 zombies trying to scale the concrete
slab notice Angelo and turn around, but at that moment
Angelo pulls the bolt back on the AK47 and sprays all four
zombies, killing them. Alex and Ryan jump down from the
concrete slab and approach Angelo.
RYAN
Hey man thanks for coming, we would
have been screwed if you hadn't
come.
ANGELO
(Looking at the half-eaten
survivor)
What happened to him?
ALEX
We were walking down the tracks
when a bunch of walkers appeared
out of no where. Ryan and I ran to
that slab of concrete, but "he" got
cut off and tried to run.
ANGELO
Where are your guns? Are you two
unarmed?
RYAN
We're armed, we just dropped them
in all of the confusion.
Angelo pushes Ryan aside and shoots an incoming zombie 3
times in the chest.
ANGELO
Grab your damn guns and let's go,
there will be more.
Ryan and Alex grab their guns and load them. They hear a
zombie horde inbound.
RYAN
Come on! the car is this way!
All three survivors run down the train tracks as zombies
appear. All of a sudden Alex turns around.
ANGELO
What the hell are you doing?
ALEX
Cover me!!!!
Ryan and Angelo take up tactical positions and take out
incoming zombies. Alex runs to the half-eaten survivor and
starts looking through his clothes. The zombies are getting
closer and Angelo runs out of ammo.
The zombies are right on top of Alex and he finally grabs
something out of the survivors left pocket. As he looks up a
zombie is about to maul him, but out of no where Angelo hits
it down with a baseball bat.
ANGELO
Let's go!
Alex grabs his gun and he and Angelo meet up with Ryan and
they all proceed down the train tracks.
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS
The three survivors are walking down the train tracks. Alex
has a grin on his face and Ryan looks scared. Angelo has no
apparent emotion displayed on his face. Angelo looks over at
Alex.
ANGELO
What were you doing back there? You
almost got us all killed!
ALEX
You know how I said we had a car
parked out of town?
ANGELO
Yeah.
ALEX
(taking keys out of his
pocket)
Seth had the keys.
ANGELO
(laughing)
Alright then, at least you risked
our lives for a good cause.
This is my first time writing a script so if you could give me some advice and ways to improve that'd be great.
EXT. BRUNSWICK
The Androscoggin river flows silently. Main roads of
Brunswick are empty. Maquoit Bay is calm.* Neighborhoods and
stores are abandoned. The Curtis Library is deserted.
INT. LIBRARY
The various floors and sections of the library are empty and
the building is silent - except for the silent study area.
Inside the silent study the clock ticks steadily. The
various rooms of the silent study area are empty, except for
the main area where a lone figure lays asleep. Various
volumes of survival books surround the figure, as well as
books on weapons. The clock strikes 12:00 p.m. and the lone
figure's watch alarm goes off. The figure arouses from sleep
and looks at his watch - 12:00 p.m. He opens up his laptop
and types a password, and then hits the enter button to
begin a video broadcast. He looks into the laptop's camera.
ANGELO
It's 12:00 p.m. on May 25th, 2011.
It's been 24 days since the initial
outbreak on May 1st, 2011 and 3
days since my last update. I
haven't seen any survivors in the
city for almost a week now. I think
people are moving out to the
country. The walkers have been more
active lately, as their food supply
is disappearing. I've been sending
out radio transmissions daily and
haven't gotten any responses. I've
been leaving my radio on scan mode,
and I've been picking up some
sketchy transmissions, but I can't
make out what they're saying.
That's all for today, I have to get
back to work.
Angelo hits enter and closes the laptop. He opens his bag
and takes out some pipe bombs and begins working on one,
when all of a sudden his radio comes to life.
ALEX
(With desperation)
Hello, hello? Is anyone out there?
ANGELO
Hello? Can you repeat your last
transmission?
ALEX
Thank god, we need help! We came to
the city looking for supplies and
ammo and got overwhelmed. We need
help.
ANGELO
Where are you?
ALEX
We're stuck under a bridge next to
a Downeast Energy parking lot and
some train tacks.
ANGELO
(to himself)
I think I know where that is.
(speaking in the radio) What's in
it for me?
ALEX
We left our car parked just outside
of the city. If you help us, you
can come with us to our safe-house
in the countryside.
ANGELO
I'm on my way.
ALEX
Hurry up
Angelo puts down the radio and looks around the room. He
then grabs a backpack and puts all of his bombs in it. Then,
he grabs his pistol and ejects the clip, checks the clip,
and puts it back in. Angelo looks at his watch and grabs the
radio and then leaves.
EXT. BACK OF LIBRARY
Angelo opens the door to the back of the library and
instantly engages two zombies near the door. He shoots them
both in the stomach and then goes to finish them in the
head. Two other zombies in the alley start running at Angelo
and he aims his pistol at the first one and takes it out.
His clip is empty so he puts the gun in his pocket and takes
out a pocket knife. He gets back in a defense position and
when the zombie gets within 5 feet he strikes out, knifing
the zombie in the head.
Moving forward, Angelo approaches the "jail" where a bunch
of zombies are marinating. Written on the wall is the
message, "DO NOT OPEN". Loading his additional clip, Angelo
points his gun at the gate where 3 zombies are eagerly
trying to get out. He takes his pistol out again and puts in
a new clip. One by one he shoots them in the head. After
that he commences a slight jog down the left hand alley of
the Library.
EXT. BRIDGE
Angelo runs up the train tracks and a zombie starts running
at him. He takes out his knife and throws it into the
zombie's head. Proceeding cautiously up the tracks, Angelo
can see two unarmed survivors on top of a slab of concrete.
4 Zombies are trying to reach them but are out of reach. Not
far from the concrete is another survivor who is being eaten
alive by a lone zombie. Angelo takes out his gun and shoots
the zombie. The two other survivors turn around and see what
has just happened.
ALEX
Hurry, grab his gun!
At this moment the 4 zombies trying to scale the concrete
slab notice Angelo and turn around, but at that moment
Angelo pulls the bolt back on the AK47 and sprays all four
zombies, killing them. Alex and Ryan jump down from the
concrete slab and approach Angelo.
RYAN
Hey man thanks for coming, we would
have been screwed if you hadn't
come.
ANGELO
(Looking at the half-eaten
survivor)
What happened to him?
ALEX
We were walking down the tracks
when a bunch of walkers appeared
out of no where. Ryan and I ran to
that slab of concrete, but "he" got
cut off and tried to run.
ANGELO
Where are your guns? Are you two
unarmed?
RYAN
We're armed, we just dropped them
in all of the confusion.
Angelo pushes Ryan aside and shoots an incoming zombie 3
times in the chest.
ANGELO
Grab your damn guns and let's go,
there will be more.
Ryan and Alex grab their guns and load them. They hear a
zombie horde inbound.
RYAN
Come on! the car is this way!
All three survivors run down the train tracks as zombies
appear. All of a sudden Alex turns around.
ANGELO
What the hell are you doing?
ALEX
Cover me!!!!
Ryan and Angelo take up tactical positions and take out
incoming zombies. Alex runs to the half-eaten survivor and
starts looking through his clothes. The zombies are getting
closer and Angelo runs out of ammo.
The zombies are right on top of Alex and he finally grabs
something out of the survivors left pocket. As he looks up a
zombie is about to maul him, but out of no where Angelo hits
it down with a baseball bat.
ANGELO
Let's go!
Alex grabs his gun and he and Angelo meet up with Ryan and
they all proceed down the train tracks.
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS
The three survivors are walking down the train tracks. Alex
has a grin on his face and Ryan looks scared. Angelo has no
apparent emotion displayed on his face. Angelo looks over at
Alex.
ANGELO
What were you doing back there? You
almost got us all killed!
ALEX
You know how I said we had a car
parked out of town?
ANGELO
Yeah.
ALEX
(taking keys out of his
pocket)
Seth had the keys.
ANGELO
(laughing)
Alright then, at least you risked
our lives for a good cause.
. But really, You said that angelo shouldn't say "what's in it for me", but you also said that he just goes out even though it could be a set-up. By angelo asking what's in it for me, its like insurance for it not being a set-up, for if he knows theres something he can attain than he will know he's not being set-up. But there's to things I may add: