story Story note . interesting or not?

[joejohn123]

I'm just skit writer (or joke writer many call)
Had ideas about following story . later thought said , it better be short movie script than just a skit.

Story note 1:
Revolutionist follower turned into opportunist . (comedy , Chaplin movie style)

At night ,Revolutionist follower Follower Drunkard with huge load of his works and books enters a graveyard , where his ideal visionary man has been buried.
Cries in front his leaders grave , roars , shouts slogans , alas gets tired falls ,go to sleep.

Wakes up in mid night , cold shiver . sets fire to the books and work papers to warm up.goes to sleep.

still shiver. His movement makes the buried grave cover stone slide .

He curiously opens the closed coffin . Sees dead body , becomes emotional...
again ... roars , shouts slogan , gets tired and falls next to coffin and go to sleep.

Still shiver , gets inside the coffin , hugs dead body to warm up.
Still shiver, irritated by conjusted space , pushes the dead body out of coffin and ...............
.............pulls the coffin cover and goes to sleep.

Opens the coffin cover , and goes to dead body , removes the coat from dead body ,
leaves the dead body as waste , wears the coat and sleeps back in coffin .closes the coffin.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As story goes by , drunkard wakes in mid night again to see that , the coat pocket has small dairy of revolutionist leader which got buried along with him as his will.
It holds lot of secrets of the great personalities who fake as revolutionist !
Then , he takes both dairy and dead body to near shed , There his behavior in egoistic style with/against
dead body creates funny scenes .

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Me not good (better to call lazy) in script writing.
If anybody interested , may carry on ....

 

[Birdman]

Well, ...................I am speechless.




However, your post did give me an idea for a new movie script.

A clinically insane poster on a screenplay forum types in a slurry of maniacal posts focusing on depraved graveyard necrophilia with Socialists after ingesting a batch of bio-toxic psychedelic mushrooms. ......Funny scenes ensue!

-Birdman

 

[joejohn123]

'm just skit writer (or joke writer many call)
Had ideas about following story . later thought said , it better be short movie script than just a skit.

Story note 1:
Revolutionist follower turned into opportunist . (comedy , Chaplin movie style)

At night ,Revolutionist follower Follower Drunkard with huge load of his works and books enters a graveyard , where his ideal visionary man has been buried.
Cries in front his leaders grave , roars , shouts slogans , alas gets tired falls ,go to sleep.

Wakes up in mid night , cold shiver . sets fire to the books and work papers to warm up.goes to sleep.

still shiver. His movement makes the buried grave cover stone slide .

He curiously opens the closed coffin . Sees dead body , becomes emotional...
again ... roars , shouts slogan , gets tired and falls next to coffin and go to sleep.

Still shiver , gets inside the coffin , hugs dead body to warm up.
Still shiver, irritated by conjusted space , pushes the dead body out of coffin and ...............
.............pulls the coffin cover and goes to sleep.

Opens the coffin cover , and goes to dead body , removes the coat from dead body ,
leaves the dead body as waste , wears the coat and sleeps back in coffin .closes the coffin.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As story goes by , drunkard wakes in mid night again to see that , the coat pocket has small dairy of revolutionist leader which got buried along with him as his will.
It holds lot of secrets of the great personalities who fake as revolutionist !
Then , he takes both dairy and dead body to near shed , There his behavior in egoistic style with/against
dead body creates funny scenes .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continue ..............................................


Later these fake revolutionists when they came to know about the secret dairy ,
come to graveyard to get

They get surprised when they see coffin being empty .

Security of that place being on night watch seem to be coming their way .
Instead of becoming suspicious , they among them self find one of the guy to become dead body dummy
and make him sleep in it .

Later , the as scene goes by the real dead body and dummy gets swapped creates chaos.

Dummy of dead body is assumed to be really dead and treated carelessly !!
Real dead body is being cared !

When security calls police , then this common man provides them proof called small dairy .
By it's authentication , all these fake ones get jailed .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The movie will be good if Black/white old style (Chaplin ) Fast track movement .

What length might this above script take ?

8 min is good - 11 min is not bad ; 15 min is worse ! i believe


---------------------------End -------------------------------------------------------------

 

[FantasySciFi]

I can picture this as a B&W silent film. It would be an art film that you might be able to show at a film festival or art house. It is a style that would not have wide appeal among today's audiences commercially. Most director/producers prefer to make movies with broad appeal, or at least broader than family and friends.

The political aspect will be lost on many viewers. In the worst case, you may offend groups. Hitler was universally reviled, so he made (and makes) an easy target. Making it more contemporary with a terrorist leader would not attract the interest of most viewers and would likely draw negative response from other communities. I don't think 'Revolutionist' and 'Follower/Drunkard' are humorous elements to modern viewers. Looking back at Charlie Chaplin's "Dictator" is more nostalgic than funny for most viewers. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't try to make this yourself. I would, however, urge caution in your portrayals that might heighten stereotypes. I agree that it should run no longer than 12-15 minutes.

So much of the success of this kind of slapstick is dependent on the actor's ability, the replication of the old look-and-feel of the early 1900s, and over-the-top physical humor. While it could be done, you would likely need to produce this yourself. It would be difficult to sell this concept to someone else to produce. You might be able to persuade a film student to take it on as a capstone project. Good luck!

 

[Birdman]

Whereas FantasySciFi has been gracious enough to offer a great deal of insight and wisdom to turning this "idea" into an art film, there are so many mis-thoughts it's not possible to do so.

First off, you can't "shiver off" a heavy stone grave cover (which I've never seen out in the open). If grave stones and coffins were so easily accessed as the OP has suggested, college frat houses would have bodies placed all over the city. Dead bodies would be sitting at bus stops reading a newspaper and videos of frightened bus patrons would viralize YouTube!

Also, I've never heard of a coffin at surface level. All the dead people I know are either 6' under, cremated or in a mausoleum.

Next, you can't curl up next to a dead guy for warmth. Dead people are cold, moldy and nasty. Any clothing the may have been wearing would be rotted. Do you actually believe that if you popped open Karl Marx's coffin he'd be laying there all peaceful and shit ...like he just ate breakfast?

If a "Famous Revolutionist Personality" has been buried and these revolutionists are noted for their many famous quotes and such ....how can they possibly be fake? If he or others made the quotes that facilitated revolution and they are enshrined in monuments...then he and the others are the real deal!

That's like digging up Neil Armstrong's body and him having a notebook saying the other astronauts were fakes. If the guys were in space just like Neil ...then how can they be fakes?

If you found a notepad that said that Martin Luther King was a fake ...how would you be able to prove he was a fake? He couldn't "fake" what he said in public and what he said had a powerful effect ...so does he become "fake"?

I think the OP is just interested in scary, freaky shit and hasn't put much thought into this at all. Like I told the other "scary, freaky shit" poster. ... Make me feel something!

-Birdman

 

[8salacious9]

Next, you can't curl up next to a dead guy for warmth. Dead people are cold, moldy and nasty.


-Birdman

if superman can fly, dead people can be warm

 

[Birdman]

if superman can fly, dead people can be warm

Superman was an alien. Also, If Superman was dead, he'd be nasty, moldy ...and cold.

If you want to argue dead people can be warm because Superman can fly ...where does it end? You could make mistake after mistake in your thinking or timing and sweep everything under the "Superman rug". Any screenplay with obvious errors in logic could be explained away using the Superman excuse.

If my hero drops his gun in the river and seconds later is shooting at the bad guys with the exact same gun ...Hey? what the hell? Superman can fly ...my hero gets a magic gun!

Dear Lord!

-Birdman

 

[PhantomScreenwriter]

Superman was an alien. Also, If Superman was dead, he'd be nasty, moldy ...and cold.

If you want to argue dead people can be warm because Superman can fly ...where does it end? You could make mistake after mistake in your thinking or timing and sweep everything under the "Superman rug". Any screenplay with obvious errors in logic could be explained away using the Superman excuse.

If my hero drops his gun in the river and seconds later is shooting at the bad guys with the exact same gun ...Hey? what the hell? Superman can fly ...my hero gets a magic gun!

Dear Lord!

-Birdman

That's hilarious . Reminds me of the Superman reverting time to the past by orbiting the earth at ludicrous speed scenario or the amnesia kiss he administers to Lois Lane.

 

[ChimpPhobiaFilms]

Can you explain the mystery man being in two places at once?
How about John Malkovich crawling into his own brain and everyone having his face?
We can't forget the demonic time traveling Easter-bunny suit wearing monster, can that please be explained?

 

[Birdman]

Can you explain the mystery man being in two places at once?

...Trying to explain how a person has the power of ubiquity is a lot easier than explaining away century old non-rotting "warm" dead bodies that comfort sleepy drunks in above-ground tombs all the while wearing nice warm cloths with secret exposé journal hidden inside.

How about John Malkovich crawling into his own brain and everyone having his face?

...It was like video taping in a mirror ...or the cover of Pink Floyd's "Ummagumma".

We can't forget the demonic time traveling Easter-bunny suit wearing monster, can that please be explained?

...There is no explaining "Donnie Darko". You got me on that one. However, had the 747 passenger jet engine fallen off of a Cessna 182 I would have probably had a problem with that. I also had a problem with Adolf Hitler, Joseph Goebbels, Heinrich Himmler and the rest of the Nazi hierarchy all dying in a movie theater. The consequence was that I only watch the movie for the Hans Landa scenes.

Chimp, you are smart. I KNOW you are. I also think you're just fucking with me ...and I like that! PLEASE tell the poor OP that he needs to totally rethink his entire concept before he spends another moment dealing with warm dead non-rotting people in surface level tombs with styrofoam lids.

-Birdman

 

[joejohn123]

I can picture this as a B&W silent film. It would be an art film that you might be able to show at a film festival or art house. It is a style that would not have wide appeal among today's audiences commercially. Most director/producers prefer to make movies with broad appeal, or at least broader than family and friends.

The political aspect will be lost on many viewers. In the worst case, you may offend groups. Hitler was universally reviled, so he made (and makes) an easy target. Making it more contemporary with a terrorist leader would not attract the interest of most viewers and would likely draw negative response from other communities. I don't think 'Revolutionist' and 'Follower/Drunkard' are humorous elements to modern viewers. Looking back at Charlie Chaplin's "Dictator" is more nostalgic than funny for most viewers. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't try to make this yourself. I would, however, urge caution in your portrayals that might heighten stereotypes. I agree that it should run no longer than 12-15 minutes.

So much of the success of this kind of slapstick is dependent on the actor's ability, the replication of the old look-and-feel of the early 1900s, and over-the-top physical humor. While it could be done, you would likely need to produce this yourself. It would be difficult to sell this concept to someone else to produce. You might be able to persuade a film student to take it on as a capstone project. Good luck!

I totally agree.may be letting it to be art class is the problem here.
what if , it's like some bunch of mafia crooks , and the dead guy suppose to be some kind of bigger senior mafia guy and god father to Stranger . It happens the next night he is buried.


Ya , i ' m ready to compromise in structuring story line at any style or anyway .
But, again perfection in physics !!!!!!!!!!!!!?? I din't find it menaingful.
Lot of american sitcom , like friends (middle class background , living life of upper middleclass with no great earning capability in NEWYORK !!!!!!!!!!!) , it's just meant for entertainment.
Now you guys get , I'm not that intellectual . I'm ready to compromise.
If any one ready to script this skit into movie , i'll be happpy to be in that team.
You can't help it. It's entertainment , need to sell . I'm ready.

 

[joejohn123]

I had one more idea in same way . Timing 1910 , a single lady disguise as man to find earning .
And funny scenes start to happen .

Hope, this will receive good acknowledgement in modern world.
Will Not be portraying any men as in negative role.

Hope, liking happens

 

[ChimpPhobiaFilms]

...Trying to explain how a person has the power of ubiquity is a lot easier than explaining away century old non-rotting "warm" dead bodies that comfort sleepy drunks in above-ground tombs all the while wearing nice warm cloths with secret exposé journal hidden inside.

I dunno. That's just one of the many mind#@%&s in Lost Highway. What about the man morphing into another man in the jail cell? Oh, and we can't forget the scene when Pullman and Arquette are getting it on and her face morphs into the face of Robert Blake.

...It was like video taping in a mirror ...or the cover of Pink Floyd's "Ummagumma".

While I appreciate you trying to explain how the film makes sense, John Malkovich crawling into his own mind through a file cabinet on a half floor made for midgets which leads him into an alternate fantasy world where everyone has his face, which ends with him getting spit onto the New Jersey turnpike still doesn't seem very sensical or possible.

...There is no explaining "Donnie Darko". You got me on that one. However, had the 747 passenger jet engine fallen off of a Cessna 182 I would have probably had a problem with that. I also had a problem with Adolf Hitler, Joseph Goebbels, Heinrich Himmler and the rest of the Nazi hierarchy all dying in a movie theater. The consequence was that I only watch the movie for the Hans Landa scenes.

I love both of those films, and so did the majority of critics and audiences.

Chimp, you are smart. I KNOW you are. I also think you're just fucking with me ...and I like that! PLEASE tell the poor OP that he needs to totally rethink his entire concept before he spends another moment dealing with warm dead non-rotting people in surface level tombs with styrofoam lids.

-Birdman

AAAAAWWWWWW HAAAAAIILLLLL NAAAWWWWW! Be the next Kaufman, Maddin, Lynch, Buñel, or whatever you want to be.

 

[Birdman]

Chimp,

I wish you had the same zeal for "Open Creativity" with script design as you do with film concepts.

...and I KNOW if I posted a scene where my character fires off 19 shots from a Beretta 92FS with a factory hi-cap magazine you would be the very first bonobo to follow-up with:

"Na-ah-ahhh, Birdman! Your character just shot 19 rounds. With a Beretta factory hi-cap you only get 17 rounds plus one in the chamber. ...Where'd the extra round come from?"

Would you be fully accepting my "Hey, Superman can fly, can't he?" response?


Also:

If any one ready to script this skit into movie , i'll be happpy to be in that team.
You can't help it. It's entertainment , need to sell . I'm ready.

C'mon, Chimp, ...His offer is on the table. Are you going to put your money where your mouth is?

-Birdman

 

[ChimpPhobiaFilms]

Chimp,

I wish you had the same zeal for "Open Creativity" with script design as you do with film concepts.

...and I KNOW if I posted a scene where my character fires off 19 shots from a Beretta 92FS with a factory hi-cap magazine you would be the very first bonobo to follow-up with:

"Na-ah-ahhh, Birdman! Your character just shot 19 rounds. With a Beretta factory hi-cap you only get 17 rounds plus one in the chamber. ...Where'd the extra round come from?"

Would you be fully accepting my "Hey, Superman can fly, can't he?" response?

Action movies do that crap all the time. By movie logic, you have an endless supply of bullets It's a bit like how ducking behind a wooden table stops bullets from hitting you, or how the good guy stops the bomb right before it goes off.

Look, it depends what kind of movie you are making. Some artsy-fartsy experimental film, or surrealist work, or strange black comedy, or science/fiction fantasy can get away with stuff like that. Malkovich can't crawl into a fantasy world through a file cabinet, and Patricia Arquette can't morph into Robert Blake! It's nonsensical craziness and that's why we love it.

Also, Phantom Screenwriter brought up a good point, when Superman spins the world around at a ludicrous speed to turn time back

C'mon, Chimp, ...His offer is on the table. Are you going to put your money where your mouth is?

Never said I was interested in buying his script... only that you can break simple rules of logic in certain genres.

 

[FantasySciFi]

I think the issue is that the idea hearkens back to an earlier time where belief was easier to suspend. The audience in a black-and-white serial didn't hold the production to the high standard of reality that we do today for color, HD theatrical productions. If made like a film today, Birdman is right, it wouldn't make sense. But in the context of a silent, black-and-white it's hard to say. I used the clip below in a class. Reading this description made me think of it. Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmfC7VY5Ods

 

[Birdman]

Fantasy,

That clip is fantastic. Masterfully executed. I think they may have struggled for an ending, but greatly entertaining.

I agree with you that the OP's concept may work in an old time B&W setting, but I don't know how the OP would be able to convey the concept of a bunch of well known Socialist Revolutionists were actually fakes as diagramed in a corpse-bound coat pocket journal.

Charlie Chaplin type films usually dealt with easy simple concepts. Kind of like a high-end "Three Stooges". I don't think the OP's concept is sound at all. I'm sorry.

Let me equate this to abstract art:

Abstract paintings can be very subjective. One man's trash is another man's treasure. However, there are abstract artists that you can TELL that they have a keen sense of understanding. I higher sense of awareness. They are able to bend reality and perspective in ways that interests people and intrigue them. They can bring about a whole new way of looking at everyday life through their abstract representations.

Then you have the people who don't have artistic talent, but pass themselves off as "Abstract Artists" because they can use weird shapes, colors and imagery as a cover for lack of understanding (or talent) ...and the viewer can't criticize it because it falls under the heading of "abstract".

The clip you posted was created by people who know what the hell they are doing. It shows. You can "feel" the talent oozing from it as you watch it. True, the Morticians are dealing with situations that could never happen in real life (as with the OP's concept), but these people have crafted their concept in a way that makes it believable (or understandable based on the medium).

The OP's concept is not in the same league as the clip you posted. I'm not saying that the OP's idea can't be "morphed" into something that can work. I'm saying that the concept will not be successful at all based on it's own design. I'm sorry ...but that's just the way it is.

He needs to go back to the drawing board and really think about what he wants to achieve and what he want's his viewers to walk away with.

-Birdman