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sketches!

benj09

benj09

Hello, I'm ben and I recently started my own show. Basically I wanted it to be fun, but also informative and talk to the audiences about films and stuff. To make it funny I wanted to include some sketches, so I started writing and I will show the first sketch I wrote.

Tennis by Ben Johnson

Ext. Garden - day

Will and Paul sit at the table.

paul

Yeah so we can all play me you Jono and Ben.

Will

Nah not Ben he's so bad at tennis.

PAUL

Okay well just me you and Jono.

Jono and Ben walk over to them. They sit down.

PAUL

Jono, were playing tennis tomorrow. Do you want to play.

Jono

Are you being serious.

WILL

Yeah we thought you might want to play.

JONO

I can't play Tennis. I was in Birmingham, playing tennis, with Dennis. It was was real high stakes game you know. Nobody wanted to lose. The ball went back, forth, back and forth. Just like a real game of tennis.

Jono stands up.

JONO

I beat him in the final set. But then he beat me! In the changing rooms, I was proud, I had won. All that changed. I came out of the showers and started to change, I heard the door go. Then I saw Dennis. He came for me, like a raging tiger, I was just a stray zebra. He grabbed me, and told me to strip, and if I didn't he'd hurt me. I wish now I would of said no. So I stripped, and and and that's when it happened.

BEN

Did he rape you?

JONO

Yes!... not physically but emotionally. He made me play chess with him. I was afraid at first. Then it got cold, and things started to shrivel you know. He beat me and then he grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis and he whispered two words... Check mate!

All the lads look at Jono. Then they look at each other. Then they start pissing them self laughing.
 
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Hmmm... I'm having a hard time visualising the scene. I'm not sure that anecdotal humour works very well for a sketch show. You might want to go for something more outlandish, because if people are going to watch it then the humour has to be visual.

And if you visualised that anecdote then it'd be a whole different type of film.... :P
 
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NickClapper said:
Hmmm... I'm having a hard time visualising the scene. I'm not sure that anecdotal humour works very well for a sketch show. You might want to go for something more outlandish, because if people are going to watch it then the humour has to be visual.

And if you visualised that anecdote then it'd be a whole different type of film.... :P
Click to expand...

I concur. I can kind of see where you're going with the wacky humour, but to me it just reads like a collection of in-jokes rather than a proper sketch.
 
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benj09 said:
if i had that as a voiceover do you think it would work if i have the scene being acted out in a changing room, like what is being spoken.
Click to expand...

I don't know, but there's no harm in trying. Personally, I just don't get the joke, but then maybe I'm not your target audience :huh:
 
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Ok, I've never seen BeerFest. I think it's a very select group of people who are going to get the joke.

If you are going to do parody then you should possible choose a broader theme or at least something that everyone can recognise (e.g. The Godfather, Harry Potter or Sherlock Holmes).
 
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