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Short Script - Turn

Here is a script to a short I hope to shoot soon

Your comments would be great

Note: It's set in Cork, Ireland

click here to view

EDIT New Draft Click here

also I never put in the outline in the original post

"An unexpected turn for the worst changes a young man feelings towards life."
 
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I loved it- but agree with donniker137- you should establish the seriousness of the relationship before the betrayal- maybe even make her seem a little hesitant in responding to an "I love you" from him.
But I particularly enjoyed the daydreaming...
Peace,
W B Epps
 
ok cheers for the feedback ...made a few changes to the scenes where they are in the bedroom together. In Scene four he now shows her the locket (that had just been written in at the end) So we now know what that was about.

click here to view

love to hear what ye think

quinny
 
Quinny,

I wanted to give you some feedback on your script. However, I would feel more comfortable if you would email me if your interested. There is just alot that I would touch upon and figured that a forum environment wouldn't be the best. E-addy is ajpapp@gmail.com. Keep on writing ;)

-pappy
 
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