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short script - 10 pages total - SALEM WITCH

Code:
               "Salem Massachusetts - 1692"
               EXT. FIELD - TWILIGHT

               Strong winds.  The trees and grass blow wild.

               PETER SALT, 30's, is taking a leak.  Several feet away, his
               horse is tied to a tree.   

               The wind intensifies, snapping a thin branch.  The horse is
               spooked.  It jumps out of control.  

               The horse breaks free from its rope and races away.

                                   PETER
                         Hey!

               He is left alone.  Still peeing.  In the wind.



               EXT. MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - NIGHT

               The wind gusts are unrelenting.  

               Peter lumbers through the cold.  Each step forward is a
               battle.  He keeps his chin tucked into his chest and clenches
               the lapels of his jacket together tightly.  Puffs of his
               breath clearly visible in the crisp cold air.

               In the distance is a simple old house surrounded by nothing
               but trees and a small garden.  Candlelight flickers through
               the windows.  Smoke rises from the chimney.

                                   PETER
                         Mmgrgg.  Food.  Foooooodddmrrg.

               He reaches the front door.  Kicks it twice.

                                   PETER
                         Food.  F-f-food.

               No answer.  He kicks harder.

                                   PETER
                         Grrgh.  F-food.  Food!

               He hears the door unlock.  It opens and a warm glow escapes
               from an apparent roaring wood burning stove.  

               An OLD LADY, about 70, greets him.  

                                   OLD LADY
                         Yes?

               No teeth.  Balding with patches of greasy silver hair.  A
               thin mustache.  Hairs sprouting out of the moles on her
               wrinkled acne-scarred face.  Mucus trails from her nostrils
               with crust formed around her mouth.

                                   PETER
                         Uhhh.  I'm sorry.  Wrong house.  

               He turns away to leave.  

               She takes his arm.

                                   OLD LADY
                         Young man?  Wont you come inside to
                         eat and be warm?  Put some rat
                         skunk stew in your belly.  Come.  

               Shivering, he looks her over.  And the inviting glow and
               crackle from the stove behind her.

                                   OLD LADY
                         Please.  I won't bite.

               As she gives him a wide toothless smile of swollen infected
               gums.

               He unenthusiastically accepts as she helps him inside and
               closes the door.

               FADE TO BLACK



               EXT. TRAILSIDE - MORNING

               Peter wakes up.  He's lying on the ground.  Groggy and
               disoriented, he gets up.  Squints from the harsh morning sun.  

               On his feet, he looks around.  Total bewilderment.

               He collects himself and walks down the trail.



               EXT. TOWN CENTER - LATER

               A few TOWNSPEOPLE mill about.  Some on foot.  Some on horses.

               Peter reaches the center and reads the various signs on the
               buildings.  He spots one with "Deputy Governor" written on
               its front door.



               INT. DEPUTY GOVERNOR'S OFFICE - LATER

               The office is full of books and various manuscripts.  Peter
               sits opposite the Deputy Governor.

                                   PETER
                         And, so, needless to say, I am
                         lost.  My horse ran away.  Along
                         with my parcels.  But what really
                         troubles me is this woman.  

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Yes.  And it should trouble you.

                                   PETER
                         Why do you say that?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         In the past month, there have been
                         eight other men just like yourself. 
                         All with the same story.

                                   PETER
                         What?  

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Nobody knows much about her.  She
                         keeps to herself.  Rarely leaves
                         the cabin.  

                                   PETER
                         Who is she?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Well you ask most people - they'll
                         tell you she's a witch.

                                   PETER
                         A witch?    

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Some even say possessed by the
                         devil himself.  But one thing's for
                         certain.  Every man that comes out
                         of that cabin is afflicted.

                                   PETER
                         Afflicted?  How so?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         It is difficult to explain.  It
                         is...shall I say...in a way...a
                         feeling of being burned alive. 
                         Without the flames.

                                   PETER
                         My God.  That is horrible.  

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         The belief is that it will
                         eventually lead to actual death by
                         burning.  With real flames.

                                   PETER
                         So are you saying--

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         I'm saying she cast a spell on you. 
                         And everyone else who has come out
                         of that house.

                                   PETER
                         A curse?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         A curse.

               Peter lets this sink in.  He takes a moment.

                                   PETER
                         So I am doomed.  Is there no hope? 
                         What shall I do?

                                   OTHER MAN
                         Well.  You were cursed by a witch. 
                         Perhaps you can be cured by one.

                                   PETER
                         What do you mean?

                                   OTHER MAN
                         There is a man.  A scientist.  Who
                         claims to be from the future.  He
                         came here once.  Said he would like
                         to help those who believe to be
                         cursed by the witch.

                                   PETER
                         Yes.  But.  The future?  Can he be
                         trusted?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         He's odd.  But otherwise harmless. 
                         And he says he will be returning to
                         the future very soon.  Once he
                         repairs his time machine.  So.  It
                         is a risk.  But.  What other chance
                         have you got?  

                                   PETER
                         Would you do it?

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         I am doing it.  I too have been
                         cursed. 



               EXT. SCIENTIST'S CABIN - DAY

               The Deputy Governor, Peter, and SEVEN OTHER MEN are assembled
               at the door of a nice brand new cabin.  

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         This is it.  Last chance to turn
                         back.  

               He surveys the men behind him.  

                                   PETER
                         It's our only choice.

               The other men nod in agreement.

               Deputy Governor knocks on the door.  

               The SCIENTIST answers.  In his 60's, his clothing is no
               different than anyone else's, except for the Ray Ban
               sunglasses and simple six-shooter holstered at his side.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Deputy.  Welcome.  So glad you
                         came.

               He offers his hand.  Both men shake.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         This is all of us.  As you
                         requested.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Ah yes.  The village of the damned. 
                         And so the experiment begins.

               He lets out a little chuckle, expecting everyone else to join
               him.  They don't.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Come on my friends.  Turn those
                         frowns upside down.  We're gonna
                         get to the bottom of this.  Trust
                         me.
 
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short script - 10 pages total (this is the last half) - SALEM WITCH

Code:
               INT. SCIENTIST'S CABIN - LIVING ROOM - LATER

               The Scientist stands, taking notes in a journal.  Everyone
               else is seated.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         And then, just like I told you the
                         other day, we all wake up by the
                         road.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         And the afflictions?  All the same?

               All the men nod.  Except Peter.

                                   PETER
                         Well.  Not I.  I've yet to
                         experience the horrifying effects. 
                         What was it - a sense of being
                         burned alive?  

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Yes.  But in time, you just might. 
                         But that's why you're here.  So we
                         can prevent that.  And prevent a
                         reoccurrence in the rest of you.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Exactly how do you plan to do that?

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Well I already am doing it.  The
                         experiment has already begun.  I
                         have the woman downstairs in my
                         cellar.

               All the men rise, startled.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Now wait.  Just trust me. 
                         Everything is fine.  She will not
                         harm you.  She won't even be coming
                         up here.  You will have no contact
                         with her.  And it is essential for
                         me to examine her in order to help
                         all of you.

               The men look at one another.  A long moment of silence. 
               Deputy Governor approaches Scientist.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Do we have your word?  God as your
                         witness?

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Indeed you do.  

               The Scientist goes to his desk and jots down some quick
               notes.  

               Then heads for the cellar door.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Believe me.  This will all be over
                         soon.



               INT. CELLAR - MOMENTS LATER

               The Scientist and The Old Lady are seated opposite one
               another, sharing a small meal.

               The Old Lady now has teeth.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         They're called dentures.

                                   OLD LADY
                         They're wonderful.    

                                   SCIENTIST
                         I told you you wouldn't regret it.  

                                   OLD LADY
                         Yes.  Now I see.  I'm very glad I
                         came.  Thank you again so much.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         And now you can eat properly.

               She laughs.  

                                   OLD LADY
                         Yes.  So what do I owe you in
                         return?

               He pours himself a drink from the nearby jug.  Then takes a
               swig.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Mmmmmmm.  Delicious.  

                                   OLD LADY
                         Thank you.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Where did you learn how to grow
                         such unusual herbs?

                                   OLD LADY
                         Oh no no no.  Family secret.

               More laughs.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         But you just asked me what you owe
                         me.

                                   OLD LADY
                         Sorry.  Some things must remain
                         sacred.  

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Yes.  But you say it's a health
                         tonic.  That it provides health and
                         energy.  That shouldn't be denied
                         to anyone.

               She smiles.  So does he.  

               He takes a few more swigs of his drink.  Then lets out a
               yawn.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Oh my.  Excuse me.  I'm feeling a
                         bit tired.

                                   OLD LADY
                         Really?  That's strange.

               LIVING ROOM

               While most of the other men chat, the Deputy Governor seats
               himself at the Scientist's desk.  He sifts through the papers
               and journals.  

               CELLAR

               The Old Lady leisurely eats her meal as the Scientist fights
               to keep his eyes open.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         Huh?  Did you just say something?

               She just smiles.  Continues eating.

               LIVING ROOM

               The Deputy Governor is reading through a journal.

               One of the men rises.

                                   MAN
                         Oh no.  The burning.  I'm feeling
                         it.  Here it comes again!

               CELLAR

               The Scientist is slumped over in his chair, eyes closed, out
               cold.  His glass of tonic is completely empty.

               The Old Lady watches him closely.  

               She rises from her seat and carefully moves up close to him.  

               LIVING ROOM

               The Deputy Governor concentrates on a specific journal entry. 
               Reads it thoroughly.  Then gets up before the others.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         My friends.  I believe the
                         Scientist has found our cure.  I
                         don't understand all of this.  But
                         it looks promising.

               All the men rise in anticipation.  The one Man squirms in
               pain.

                                   MAN
                         Oh God!  I hope so.

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Patience my brother.  I'm sure
                         he'll be up soon.

               CELLAR

               The Old Lady reaches under her dress.  And removes her
               underwear.  

               Then straddles the Scientist.  And begins unbuttoning his
               shirt.

               The Scientist opens his eyes.

                                   SCIENTIST
                         The jig is up sister.  I'm on to
                         your game.

               LIVING ROOM - SECONDS LATER

               The Scientist enters.

                                   MAN
                         Oh please.  Please help me!  Tell
                         me you have the answer!

               As ANOTHER MAN also rises in pain.

                                   ANOTHER MAN
                         Oh no!!!!  It's back again!  It
                         burns!

                                   SCIENTIST
                         I can cure you.  She's not a witch.  
                         Basically...the situation is...and
                         I'm gonna be blunt here - shes just
                         a hideous lonely woman.

               The DEPUTY GOVERNOR rises.  From the journal, he pronounces
               words foreign to him with minimal struggle...

                                   DEPUTY GOVERNOR
                         Excuse me. But what is...chlamydia,
                         syphilis, and...gonorrhea?

               Scientist takes a deep breath.

                                   DOC
                         Okay.  How do I explain this?

               CUT TO BLACK

               THE END
 
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Well,

It seems like you've taken a bad joke and tried to turn it into a screenplay (and let me say I have nothing against bad jokes or turning them into screenplays). The problem is that it seems you have a lot to learn about screenwriting. I'm no expert myself, but it seems that you may be just beginning try your hand at this. (I could be wrong).

The number one problem I saw was way too much dialogue. The golden rule of screenwriting is "show don't tell." The truth is I kind of liked it until the characters started talking. But once they did, it seemed like every bit of dialogue was expository.

I'd suggest getting the Screenwriter's Bible (there's a link to it in a recent thread). That will give the basics of screenwriting -- structure, character development, transitions, pacing, etc... If I were you, I'd get that, learn the basics and keep coming up with story ideas. There's also plenty of people on here who know a lot about the subject, so you can feel free to post any questions on here.

I do have to say one line made me laugh out loud, and I'm not sure if it was intentional or not.

OTHER MAN
There is a man. A scientist. Who
claims to be from the future. He
came here once. Said he would like
to help those who believe to be
cursed by the witch.

PETER
Yes. But. The future? Can he be
trusted?

Are people from the future inherently untrustworthy? I imagine he doubts his trustworhiness becuase he thinks the guy is dillusional, but it struck me as funny the way it was written.
 
T Shipley

You're right. Much of the dialogue is exposition. And I realize that's death.

This script was written for a contest for shorts no more than 10 pages in length and I had like a week to write it. Am I making excuses for my shortcomings? You bet your ass I am. But those were the circumstances. If I was ever going to use this script as an actual writing sample, or try to film it, Id make several revisions. But I have no intention of doing either. I just want to see what reactions people have to it.

I appreciate you reading it. And again, I agree with your critique.

"I do have to say one line made me laugh out loud, and I'm not sure if it was intentional or not.

OTHER MAN
There is a man. A scientist. Who
claims to be from the future. He
came here once. Said he would like
to help those who believe to be
cursed by the witch.

PETER
Yes. But. The future? Can he be
trusted?

Are people from the future inherently untrustworthy? I imagine he doubts his trustworhiness becuase he thinks the guy is dillusional, but it struck me as funny the way it was written."

That's exactly right. It's 1692 where people who are "weird" are treated as such - which is why the scientist has a gun- to defend himself as he knows people may suspect him of being a witch.
 
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