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You mistype night everywhere. Please read some professional screenplays to get the general feel/language of how a script should be written,there are tons of free scripts online
 
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It's readable, I'm not a fan of the last line of the script because it's almost a punch in the face once we know the second half of the story. The sex scene in the actual club isn't really needed either, they could just as easily end up at Eddie's apartment and have a more approachable scene.

And is the girl in the club the one who gets promoted/turned?

I didn't mind any formatting errors until the scene where "Eddie heads his finger to the window" which bothered me.

Give the script another pass and format it correctly and I think a lot of people wouldn't mind reading it.
 
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Thank Lando2
I wrote this script ages ago in 2h.
I'm rewriting it in proper English with more details.
Thank for the constructive feedback.
the girl from the club is a different girl than the one who get promoted. I ll work on that confusion.
I will remove the last line from the script as it s not needed as the scond part make it clear of what's happening.
 
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There are many capitalizATION erRors, typoz, and unnecessary capitalized WORDS.
There are missing periods commas question marks

As for the story, it is pretty good. Very original concept. But sometimes the dialogue is clunky, and parts are confusing. But it's an entertaining and easy to read screenplay despite the flaws.

Anyway, good luck :)
 
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I kinda enjoyed it, but as pointed out it was rough getting through some parts. And the formatting made it a bit awkward as it's not what one is used to reading for a script.

I would refrain from too much camera direction in it, like "this scene is made in one shot".
This is a visual medium, you really wouldn't need to scroll back the whole film, dialogue and all; we may have enjoyed it the first time, but I can assure you we'd be bored watching it again.
I don't really like how you clearly showed him feeding from the girl in the beginning, and then just having sex at the end, you need to provide a twist without just lying in the beginning somehow.
Also, of course, AIDS doesn't progress that fast, but I guess they've not studied vampires and AIDS all that much...

CraigL
 
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I originally wrote this on final draft and copy paste to a rtf, that is why the format is all messy.
Many people doesn't like the sex scene :) I have to work on that. I m rubbish in dialogue actually so I understand ur point of views. Thank again for the feedback, really appreciate!!
 
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