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Short Heist Screenplay

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Besides the grammar and the montage that is blank it's OK, but I think you need to refine it a little bit.

I'd like to know more about these characters, does Vlad talk with a russian accent? does he not know american customs? Is that why he said "High Five!" instead of just giving a high five? because of that and only that Vlad immediately became Borat in my mind. A socially awkward foreigner. If that's what you were going for great, if not you may need to change that.

you also have a spot in there for a "one liner" from someone, am I as the reader supposed to make one up or will you do that at some point?

It's not bad, I think I would have liked to read the montage so that I could get a sense of what they were doing, not bad though.
 
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klitch said:
Besides the grammar and the montage that is blank it's OK, but I think you need to refine it a little bit.

I'd like to know more about these characters, does Vlad talk with a russian accent? does he not know american customs? Is that why he said "High Five!" instead of just giving a high five? because of that and only that Vlad immediately became Borat in my mind. A socially awkward foreigner. If that's what you were going for great, if not you may need to change that.

you also have a spot in there for a "one liner" from someone, am I as the reader supposed to make one up or will you do that at some point?

It's not bad, I think I would have liked to read the montage so that I could get a sense of what they were doing, not bad though.
Click to expand...

I'm definitely planning on refining it more before shooting it.. I'll expand on the characters as you suggested.

I haven't figured out the one liner I want to put in there yet so that is more a memo to myself to fix that section.
 
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Yea, the grammar is a little off "is" where "are" should be. Are you going to show more of how they robbed the bank twice? or is it implied? Maybe a short snipet of them stuffing money in a bag or crowd control. Maybe having Vlad mix in some of actual russin phrases might give him more validity.
 
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CHamburger said:
Yea, the grammar is a little off "is" where "are" should be. Are you going to show more of how they robbed the bank twice? or is it implied? Maybe a short snipet of them stuffing money in a bag or crowd control. Maybe having Vlad mix in some of actual russin phrases might give him more validity.
Click to expand...

I would love to do that but I think it will be hard to film such a scene on my budget. So I'm doing the implied robbery.
 
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Not sure I fully buy into it. The criminals seem bumbling enough. It's more comedy in my mind. The dialogue seems a bit contrived but the overall idea seems fun. Film it. "It's never been done." :)
 
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