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watch Short Film - Monday

Some really nice shots in there. The camera work was really accomplished and the palate was really nice. Some of the dirty shoulder shots, in particular, worked really nicely. The plot was fairly inexplicable and definitely suffered because of the lack of dialogue. Seemed like a lot of double crossing to me...? But there was some really nice camerawork in there.

My main problem with it was that you had 1 minute and 10 seconds of credits on a 3 minutes 20 second long film. That's not right, especially as you were crediting people with the same things at beginning and end. With a film as short as this the credits should be really lean (more like 10 seconds) otherwise you're kind of cheating your viewer by making them sit through credits for a third of the films run time. If Titanic had worked on that ratio we would've been watching the credits for a good hour (which James Cameron would surely have loved...)
 
Nick's hit on most of the stuff I wanted to say - nice camerawork, slightly too complicated plot and far too many credits. I think the area that needed the most improvement was the sound design - the guns didn't sound like they fitted into that environment at all, and you could've used some more foley for their movements and the sound of the cars. A very good start, but it could use some polishing.
 
thanks

thanks so much for watching. I completely agree with yall. I have had a few people tell me the same thing about the title sequence. and I agree about the sounds as well. but like I said before, I wanted to focus more on the camera, story, and fx. I didnt really focus on sound that much. We did ADR for dialogue, but it didnt add anything to the short. So I decided to only have the sounds of the guns, and the "NO" at the end. Thanks for the complements on the camera work. As you could tell by the titles, it was me doing alot of the stuff, and some of my actors were doing double duty as well. I just didnt want to invest alot in this, because it was mainly a test. I know the plot may seem a bit to complex, but we have decided to make this into a 7 episode webseries. We have almost finished filming the next episode, and there will be better audio and foley...i hope...

but seriously thanks for watching and leaving your comments. It really means a lot

sean
 
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