watch Seinfeld Inspired - Short Comedy Film

[Graeme Noble]

This is a 4 minute short film inspired by Seinfeld, in particularly with the kind of dialogue that Jerry and George usually have.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kFxEPfZd1c

 

[DirtyPicturesTV]

Actually, I didn't find it very Seinfeldian. Maybe a little in the first scene with Ethan's unashamed sexism. I really like the scene with the two girls talking, and you found your own flavor and rhythm that was much more like romantic comedy dialogue than anything else. (And girls talking in Scottish accents is incredibly cute, for my taste, but maybe that's because I was raised watching movies like "Gregory's Girl" and "Local Hero.") You have some very nice looking shots in the film as well.

A few issues. Firstly, your film's called "The Text Message," but we see a phone screen only once; seems like a big oversight. I would have liked to see text messages as framing devices for the scenes, and used in a way that was central to the plot and characters.

Also, when our hero is looking at her phone, is she deleting Ethan's contact? Because the shot cuts off and you can't really tell. So Martin's supposed to be Ethan under a different name? It wasn't quite clear enough, especially as she describes Martin like she's seen his picture -- so if Ethan gave her a fake pic, then we need to understand that.

But nicely made, otherwise.

 

[Graeme Noble]

Thanks for the feedback. Someone else told me it was very like Seinfeld (scene 2 especially) and I did have Seinfeld in mind when writing this but I appreciate contrasting views to this.

I agree about the Text Message shot itself. It wasn't clear and it is probably the main flaw with the film. The shot of the phone was supposed to indicate to the viewers that she had sent the text message to Ethan instead of Martin.

Thanks again.

 

[DirtyPicturesTV]

The shot of the phone was supposed to indicate to the viewers that she had sent the text message to Ethan instead of Martin.

Oh -- that was totally unclear. I didn't get that at all.

My suggestion is to re-shoot an insert that makes this point crystal clear, especially since you don't even need the original actors for this, just a girl's hand. You can even re-do the phone's text on the existing shots in After Effects, if you had to.