I'm writing this script that I'm unsure is either really cool or really lame. This is my first screenplay and I'm just starting to take cinematography and creative writing courses. I'm going to begin directing independent pictures in a few years and this is a test for me on whether I should direct my own writing. Please tell me if you think it sucked hard or was enjoyable. I would also appreciated checking out the soundtracks. And as for copy write I do not care. If you want to steal from me be my guest cause I honestly don't have much there to steal anyway. I would be flattered. BTW THIS IS A LOT LESS THAN WHAT I HAVE! In fact it's only the first chapter, I just can't fit everything else in there.
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INTRODUCTION. - 1. INT. 78' HONDA CIVIC - MIDNIGHT
The camera shows the moon in frame to the song Blue Moon by Elvis Presley.
The camera then slowly zooms out to show that it's been looking at the
moon through a window inside of a car. There is a moment of repose silence and
then a crowbar smashes open the window. Two men enter the car, one is white
with tattoos over his arm and is wearing a biker over coat, camo pants, and sports a very prominent goatee.
The other is black, wearing jeans and a brown over coat. The black man
has a perm, scruff facial hair, and gold Elvis sunglasses about him. The white
guy's name is Harley and the black guy's name Quincy.
Quincy has a backpack with him slung over his shoulder as he slings
it into the backseat of the car. After they get in the car Harley is looking
around in the drivers seat in slight confusion and aggravation after briefly going down to
hot-wire the car. Quincy looks at him with equal AGRIVATION. Both men appear to be SWEATING
and PANTING like dogs in heat.
HARLEY
(Disappointment)
Awe shit.
QUINCY
(Annoyed)
What? The fucks a matter?
HARLEY
I don't drive stick.
QUINCY
(More annoyed)
The fuck you mean you don't drive stick?
HARLEY
Well I gotta- (cut off)
QUINCY
There's about half a fuckin' football team of brain eatin' fuckin' zombies in the goddamn
apartment we just ran outta' and all you can say is you don't drive motherfuckin' stick?
Well learn nigga' c'mon!
HARLEY
(“Fine, Have it your way” Attitude)
Okay, okay. Your fuckin' funeral.
The camera shows the stick get pushed to full drive as they drive off in a piece of shit Honda Civic.
HONDA CIVIC(MOVING)
HARLEY
I mean look at it this way man, you've got an entire armada of
flesh masticatin' I don't know what roamin' around the streets of L.A.
That shit is just begging for a motherfuckin' car wreck.
QUINCY
(Focused on the road)
Well, I don't know bout' that, just keep your eyes on the road
that's all.
As they drive off a zombie scuffles into the middle of the street and gets hit by the
Honda BARRELING down the road. Zombies in the movie are basically
slow moving regular-ish looking humanoid creatures that are a bright shade of green.
Disorientated by the crash however, Harley proceeds to crash into a fire hydrant and
then a telephone pole. The screen then fades out to black.
CUT TO CREDIT SEQUENCE:
The song Tequila by The Champs starts to play as the credits roll.
PARASSITI LIMBO
2. INT. GRIM APARTMENT COMPLEX – MIDDAY
The camera fades in on an ol' dank stained mattress with what appears to be a
medical kit, two boxes of shotgun shells, and one sawed off
shotgun. A hand is shown on the screen pointing until the camera
cuts to a different angle showing the rest of the character.
The character pointing and talking is Mr. Brownstone. The song
Sunshine Superman by Donovan is playing softly in the background.
Mr. Brownstone is a white guy with khaki pants, a white
button down, and a red tie. He's a FAST talking MOTOR mouth.
BROWNSTONE
Okay, now the med kit is gonna be five rations,
the shells are two per box, and the shotgun's twelve rations.
Now the shotgun itself is twelve, but if you want that and
the med kit together it'll only cost ya' fourteen. Look,
I'm no merchant of death here Harley. I am a merchant of
survival, and if you wanna survive the undead cascade,
best way to do it is with a bandage on your hip and a
shotgun in your grip.
HARLEY
Alright. Um, you got any revolvers or anything
lighter than that? I want something intimidating but
you know, not um' too much.
BROWNSTONE
Bingo.
Brownstone digs into a drawer and pulls out a colt 45.
BROWNSTONE
Here you go amigo. M nineteen eleven
pistol. Colt 45. if your too illiterate for that. Single action
semi-auto holds seven rounds plus one in the chamber.
That is if your dumb enough to put a round in the
chamber. So hey, what do you need the shit for anyway?
Not that it's any of my business.
HARLEY
That's right. It's not...
(AKWARD pause)
(Laughing)
Nah I'm just messin'
with ya'. Um some job I gotta do. You know just a work thing.
BROWNSTONE
So what'd this guy do? Rip off the
Big B? Kill somebody?
HARLEY
Beats me. For all I know the guy ain't done diddly-shit.
Him and some other cat are supposed to be in this apartment
down on Moe-berry lane.
BROWNSTONE
Across from Bruger's?
HARLEY
That's the one.
BROWNSTONE
Huh. I get my bagels there.
HARLEY
Yeah well, all I gotta do is hold em' up at
gun point in that dank ass excretion hole of a condo,
bring em' back to the club, and cha-ching mission accomplished. If all
else fails I get to drop em' right there on the spot.
BROWNSTONE
That's some cold ass shit.
HARLEY
Hey man, you rather be unemployed?
BROWNSTONE
No but that ain't exactly saving grace neither.
HARLEY
You gotta problem with what I do?
You ain't exactly Bambi in the fuckin' woods Charlie Brown.
BROWNSTONE
Hey look I never said I didn't think
the ends justified the means. Cause if you wanna
know the truth about it, the means are the end.
HARLEY
Now wait one damn second here. Lemme' try to put this in to perspective for you.
All right you sell guns and ammunition, right?
BROWNSTONE
Last time I checked.
HARLEY
Well what puts you on any moral high ground
above me or anyone else that does what I do?
BROWNSTONE
Were living in a tough time here partner,
these days you've got cut corners just to see tomorrow.
I mean we've got a planet filled to the brim with the walkin' dead.
Way I see it, the world is divided into two camps of people. The ones who've got the brains to get ahead and the ones who got no brains and they're all dead.
So you gonna go with the man canon or what?
HARLEY
Yeah, I'll take it. Just gimme that and the med pack.
You got cartridges for this thing?
BROWNSTONE
KKK and yes I do. Alright that's a sum
total of twelve rations my brother.
They exchange.
HARLEY
Brother from another grandmother. Alright,
pleasure doin' business with ya' Mr. Brownstone.
BROWNSTONE
Pleasures all mine Harley.
The screen fades out.
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CHAPTER 1. THE HORRIBLE BIKER MASSACRE - 1. INT. VINTAGE 74' CAMARO (MOVING) - VERY EARLY MORNING
The camera fades in inside a car with a man bleeding in the backseat of a vintage Camaro.
Another man is driving. The one in the back bleeding violently and WRITHING in pain is black, while the one in the driver's
seat is white. The white man is wearing a leather jacket, a blood splattered
blue T-shirt, and jeans. The black man is wearing a purple suit jacket, an orange button down shirt,
purple formal pants, and reddish multicolored tie. He is a big man with a handlebar mustache and the white guy is smaller with spiked up hair, blue eyes, and leather gloves. The black guy is Lawrence and the white guy Marv.
LAWRENCE
Fuck! Aughhhh! I'm gonna fuckin' die! I'm fucking dying!
MARV
Were you fuckin' bit? Were you fuckin' bit!? Hello!? Say something please!?
Were you fuckin' bit?
LAWRENCE
I don't know! I don't know! Oh god! It hurts so fuckin' bad! Marv, I'm sorry!
I'm so fuckin' sorry!
MARV
No, no don't be sorry! It wasn't your fault big guy! C'mon man, look at you! Your
twice my fuckin' size! Your not gonna die!
LAWRENCE
Aughhh! Yeah- but what if I was bit!? I don't even fuckin' know it hurts so bad!
I think I was slashed by the machete on accident but I dunno! I dunno! Ughhh!
MARV
Don't you fuckin' say that! You weren't fuckin' bit! I saw it, I saw it and you did not
get bit! Your fuckin' fine, alright big guy! Were gonna get ya' to Doctor Bob, were gonna call your
cousin and he's gonna fix all this shit right up!
LAWRENCE
Marv, I'm fuckin' passing out! I'm gonna fucking pass out!
MARV
No your not! Oh no your not! Stay with me Lawrence! Stay fuckin' with me! Were gonna get ya'
ta' Doctor Bob and he's gonna make ya' right as rain! Okay buddy? Okay?
LAWRENCE
Okay. (whimpering)... Okay.
The camera fades out.
2. INT. DARK GRUNGY BASEMENT - STILL EARLY MORNING
It fades back in with Marv busting open a door in what appears to
be a dark MUSTY basement. A man follows behind him, he is Doctor Bob. Marv pulls a light
bulb chain and brings light to the room. The room is filled with tools and doctors equipment.
There is a barber's chair in the middle of the room that Marv sets Lawrence down on.
Bob is in a standard doctor attire with dried blood splatters.
MARV
He's passed out now, but he's still breathing.
BOB
Okay. I'll see what I can do. I'll try to get him patched up, but if he's bit were gonna have
to put him down.
MARV
Do you know who this is? Do you have a single fuckin' clue as to who the fuck this
chump is!? He's The Bear's cousin, his own goddamn flesh and blood! Now don't fuckin' tell me you'd
even think about putting a fuckin' bullet through his head on my goddamn fuckin' watch!
BOB
Okay, okay. Chill. I was just sayin' if and only if.
MARV
I don't wanna hear no motherfuckin' ifs. This motherfucker lives or I fuckin' die, plain
and simple. This dumb son of a bitch is me right now and I look like shit. So you better patch
my ass up before I start takin' a dirt nap and you start takin' one a week from now when Sugar Bear
fuckin' finds out.
BOB
Alright. I've got you Marv. Consider it done, all I need from you is to go up stairs
call Sugar Bear and tell him... (looking over at Lawrence)
MARV
Lawrence.
BOB
Lawrence here is doin' A-OK with a capital A.
MARV
Alright, I'll be right back.
The camera follows Marv upstairs in what appears to be a general store. He pulls out his cell phone
and starts to dial.
MARV
Shug' what's poppin'? I'm alright, I'm just callin' to tell you I got that thing done with Lawrence,
but I just gotta stop at my friend Bob's house while I run a quick little errand... yeah, I'll be on my way
back in a few hours or so. Well, not a quick errand but, I'm gonna be pretty occupied with Lawrence here
none the less... I will, okay Big B. see ya' later. Buh-bye.
The camera follows Marv back downstairs. Bob is there smoking a cigarette looking at Lawrence out
cold on the chair.
MARV
What's the word? Is he gonna be alright?
BOB
Oh, glad to see your done PMSing. Good news is he's not bit and he's gonna live.
MARV
Stop right there. Are you implying that there's bad news?
BOB
Well, it's gonna be a little while till we can safely move him. He lost a lot of blood.
MARV
Acuma matata bitch, I got it under control.
An engine roars somewhere outside.
BOB
What the fuck is that?
MARV
Beats me.
BOB
Stay here, I'm gonna take a look.
Bob goes upstairs while Marv stands around over by Lawrence. Bob comes back downstairs
with his hands up and a shotgun behind his back. A biker named Martell is the one with the
shotgun.
MARTELL
Get in that corner over there. Get over there!
Martell walks up to Marv.
MARTELL
Hi. My name's Martell. Welcome to hell.
Martell hits Marv over the head with his shotgun and knocks him out.
The camera fades.
3. EXT. TIGER PIT (ZOO) - EARLY MORNING SUN HALF SHOWING
The camera fades in with a biker looking down at the camera in and out of focus. The
song Cannibal Holocaust by Riz Ortolani is playing in the background. The camera shows Marv rubbing
his head in MUDDLED confusion. The biker's name is Hank. Hank is a short white guy with
a John Wayne cowboy hat on his head with some standard biker attire.
HANK
Wakey Wakey. Eggs and bakey.
MARV
Where the fuck am I?
HANK
Your in a fuckin' tiger pit sleepy head. Don't worry there's no tigers in there
anymore, but we do have a few friends of ours who wanna join your play pen.
MARV
You assholes! What the fuck are you up to!? Cut the shit!
MARTELL
Oh your awake! Perfect timing. I was just about to introduce you to your
new friends. Well you could use a new friend now anyway on a count of we were just about
to get rid of your old one.
MARV
The fuck are you talking about? Bob is right down here next ta' me ya' piece of
shit.
MARV
Oh no. I was talkin' about your blood brother up here. Yeah, looks ta' me like I'd be doin' him
a favor.
MARV
Don't even fuckin' think about it! I'll make you wish you were never even a gleam in your mother's eye,
you piece of shit!
MARTELL
No. You won't.
Martell shoots Lawrence in the chest with a shotgun. Lawrence writhes in more pain and then
dies.
MARV
Goddamn it! God fucking damn it! I'm gonna rip off your balls and make you
wear em' for earrings you biker fuck!
MARTELL
Huh, you know your last name wouldn't happen to be Alzheimer would it?
MARV
(Sneering)
Fuck you!
MARTELL
Ya' see cause I have ta' keep on tellin' ya' this to remind you or whatever, but no, You ain't gonna
kill me, ya' aint gonna touch me, and you sure as shit aint gonna get fuckin' fresh with me.
No, your gonna sit down in that tiger pit while we throw us a little George Romero convention,
with you two as our guests of honor. You know they say the undead, eat
everything on the human body except for the eyes. Kinda paints a funny picture don't it?
Just a' sorta meatless skeleton with a pair a' big blue beady eyes starin' into oblivion.
Martell is smoking a cigarette.
MARV
(Stern full)
Come on! Lets go Lee Van Cleef! Get your Rawhide down in here like a real cowboy!
BOB
What the fuck is happening?
MARV
Bob it's a shit storm here, and were in the eye of a goddamn hurricane.
MARTELL
Listen to me Rowdy Yates. You can either die a slow and painful death by getting' your limbs and
guts torn apart by a pack of flesh hungry ghouls, which sure as your born they will do, or you can suffer
something much worse. I could pull ya' both up on outta'
that pit, march ya' into Hank's garage and have him burn yall' alive with a little gasoline and a blow torch.
Oh by the way this is Hank. Hank, shit-heads, shit-heads, Hank. So I've just gotta' ask you one question.
Which will it be? The slow and horribly painful death or the other slow and painfully horrible death?
MARV
(Smug)
If I guess right can I go for double Jeopardy?
MARTELL
The first one. That is a good choice, that's what I would have went with myself.
See my colleague Hank over here has a cage of about... one, two, three, four...
eight brain deads in the back of his truck, which is quite commodious as a matter of fact. Truthfully the
whole thing is very umm... what's the word I'm looking for?
MARV
(Even more smug)
Homo-erotic?
MARTELL
Accommodating. Yeah, that's it. Hey Hank.
HANK
Yeah?
MARTELL
Empty the cage.
BOB
Why the fuck are you senseless sons of bitches even doing this?
MARTELL
The Partridge Family got canceled. Oh here, I almost forgot.
Martell throws a baseball bat and crowbar into the pit.
MARTELL
I figure I get to watch you do this maybe a little longer than thirty some odd seconds
with that.
HANK
Hang on, lemme turn up the tunes. How bout' a little KWB radio, plays all the hits. I hope you two are fans of the golden oldies.
Hank turns up radio and the song Kung Fu Fighting plays in his car radio. This is shown with a quick cut to Hank Pressing
A button on his radio. The zombies all stumble into the tiger pit. Bob grabs the crowbar and Marv grabs
the baseball bat. They both continue to beat the ever living SHIT out of the zombies. They have small
pauses of thought, trying to conceive a plan to escape. Three of the zombies are wearing blue swat 70's uniforms.
HANK
I'm onna' be right back, I gotta take a piss.
Marv picks up a rock and hits it with his baseball. He hits Martell in the head knocking him out cold as
he fires a shot in the air. Bob then lifts Marv up out of the pit. Hank comes stumbling back in shock.
MARV
Get the fuck back, with your hands up!
Marv then helps Bob up out of the pit.
MARV
Well Bob, what do you think we should do with these two crazy kids?
BOB
Jeez Marv. What shouldn't we do with em'?
MARV
Oh hey I just got a great idea. I swear I could have just had motherfuckin' revelation for a moment
there. Bob?
BOB
Yeah?
MARV
Load em' in the truck. Were gonna see what makes a psychopath tick.
HANK
No don't.
MARV
I'm sorry were you just sayin' something? Oh your all done now, good. Excuse me while I give
you and your statement there a little consideration.
Marv knocks Hank out with the shotgun's butt end. Bob tosses Marv the keys to Hank's
truck. The screen then fades to black as they drive off.
4. INT. CABALOORE CLUB - EARLY MORNING SUN IS UP
The screen fades in on a white guy drinking at the bar of a club, filled to the brim with blue black lights.
The white guy's name is Larson. He's a tough looking man with a head of light orange hair spiked up.
His facial hair consists of scruff. He is wearing a black Zeppelin T and baggy goth pants. The song
You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate is playing in the background. The club is also generally isolated during that time of day.
LARSON
See arson has a lot more to it than most people give it credit for. It ain't just lighten fires and
blowin' shit up. Any Pillok with a box a' matches can do that. It's all about technique. I mean you've gotta'
have some malicious finesse when your lightin' up a building or some shit town monument. Like I was
doin' a job one time down in Acapulco, I set fire to this Cathedral some gringo wanted me to burn down.
I made this whole opaque collage of gasoline around the alter, the ambry, the ambo, the monastery, fuck it even the fuckin' steeples. When I set it on fire, I was almost disappointed to see it burn away like that. It just lit up like Christmas morning. I mean what do you think about this kinda' work, and don't gimme some knee-jerk, tip toe fuckin' answer neither. C'mon, it's art, crime, bullshit, or what?
The bartender muffles.
BARTENDER
(Disinterest)
I don't know man, whatever milks your goat.
LARSON
Fuckin' right. That's what I thought.
Bob and Marv come crashing in with Lawrence. They set him down on a table and the bartender runs over.
BARTENDER
Hey, hey, hey, is that guy okay?
BOB
Only okay for a dead guy.
BARTENDER
Fuck me. What happened?
MARV
You don't even wanna know. Where the fuck is he?
BARTENDER
Big B? Just missed him. He's out getting' groceries.
MARV
Alright, Bob you cover him up with somethin', and I guess I'll have ta' be the bear of bad news and tell the Bear.
Marv goes into another room more isolated. He spends time calming down and getting prepared and
practicing what to say. He then takes a deep breath and calls the Bear.
The camera fades.
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INTRODUCTION. - 1. INT. 78' HONDA CIVIC - MIDNIGHT
The camera shows the moon in frame to the song Blue Moon by Elvis Presley.
The camera then slowly zooms out to show that it's been looking at the
moon through a window inside of a car. There is a moment of repose silence and
then a crowbar smashes open the window. Two men enter the car, one is white
with tattoos over his arm and is wearing a biker over coat, camo pants, and sports a very prominent goatee.
The other is black, wearing jeans and a brown over coat. The black man
has a perm, scruff facial hair, and gold Elvis sunglasses about him. The white
guy's name is Harley and the black guy's name Quincy.
Quincy has a backpack with him slung over his shoulder as he slings
it into the backseat of the car. After they get in the car Harley is looking
around in the drivers seat in slight confusion and aggravation after briefly going down to
hot-wire the car. Quincy looks at him with equal AGRIVATION. Both men appear to be SWEATING
and PANTING like dogs in heat.
HARLEY
(Disappointment)
Awe shit.
QUINCY
(Annoyed)
What? The fucks a matter?
HARLEY
I don't drive stick.
QUINCY
(More annoyed)
The fuck you mean you don't drive stick?
HARLEY
Well I gotta- (cut off)
QUINCY
There's about half a fuckin' football team of brain eatin' fuckin' zombies in the goddamn
apartment we just ran outta' and all you can say is you don't drive motherfuckin' stick?
Well learn nigga' c'mon!
HARLEY
(“Fine, Have it your way” Attitude)
Okay, okay. Your fuckin' funeral.
The camera shows the stick get pushed to full drive as they drive off in a piece of shit Honda Civic.
HONDA CIVIC(MOVING)
HARLEY
I mean look at it this way man, you've got an entire armada of
flesh masticatin' I don't know what roamin' around the streets of L.A.
That shit is just begging for a motherfuckin' car wreck.
QUINCY
(Focused on the road)
Well, I don't know bout' that, just keep your eyes on the road
that's all.
As they drive off a zombie scuffles into the middle of the street and gets hit by the
Honda BARRELING down the road. Zombies in the movie are basically
slow moving regular-ish looking humanoid creatures that are a bright shade of green.
Disorientated by the crash however, Harley proceeds to crash into a fire hydrant and
then a telephone pole. The screen then fades out to black.
CUT TO CREDIT SEQUENCE:
The song Tequila by The Champs starts to play as the credits roll.
PARASSITI LIMBO
2. INT. GRIM APARTMENT COMPLEX – MIDDAY
The camera fades in on an ol' dank stained mattress with what appears to be a
medical kit, two boxes of shotgun shells, and one sawed off
shotgun. A hand is shown on the screen pointing until the camera
cuts to a different angle showing the rest of the character.
The character pointing and talking is Mr. Brownstone. The song
Sunshine Superman by Donovan is playing softly in the background.
Mr. Brownstone is a white guy with khaki pants, a white
button down, and a red tie. He's a FAST talking MOTOR mouth.
BROWNSTONE
Okay, now the med kit is gonna be five rations,
the shells are two per box, and the shotgun's twelve rations.
Now the shotgun itself is twelve, but if you want that and
the med kit together it'll only cost ya' fourteen. Look,
I'm no merchant of death here Harley. I am a merchant of
survival, and if you wanna survive the undead cascade,
best way to do it is with a bandage on your hip and a
shotgun in your grip.
HARLEY
Alright. Um, you got any revolvers or anything
lighter than that? I want something intimidating but
you know, not um' too much.
BROWNSTONE
Bingo.
Brownstone digs into a drawer and pulls out a colt 45.
BROWNSTONE
Here you go amigo. M nineteen eleven
pistol. Colt 45. if your too illiterate for that. Single action
semi-auto holds seven rounds plus one in the chamber.
That is if your dumb enough to put a round in the
chamber. So hey, what do you need the shit for anyway?
Not that it's any of my business.
HARLEY
That's right. It's not...
(AKWARD pause)
(Laughing)
Nah I'm just messin'
with ya'. Um some job I gotta do. You know just a work thing.
BROWNSTONE
So what'd this guy do? Rip off the
Big B? Kill somebody?
HARLEY
Beats me. For all I know the guy ain't done diddly-shit.
Him and some other cat are supposed to be in this apartment
down on Moe-berry lane.
BROWNSTONE
Across from Bruger's?
HARLEY
That's the one.
BROWNSTONE
Huh. I get my bagels there.
HARLEY
Yeah well, all I gotta do is hold em' up at
gun point in that dank ass excretion hole of a condo,
bring em' back to the club, and cha-ching mission accomplished. If all
else fails I get to drop em' right there on the spot.
BROWNSTONE
That's some cold ass shit.
HARLEY
Hey man, you rather be unemployed?
BROWNSTONE
No but that ain't exactly saving grace neither.
HARLEY
You gotta problem with what I do?
You ain't exactly Bambi in the fuckin' woods Charlie Brown.
BROWNSTONE
Hey look I never said I didn't think
the ends justified the means. Cause if you wanna
know the truth about it, the means are the end.
HARLEY
Now wait one damn second here. Lemme' try to put this in to perspective for you.
All right you sell guns and ammunition, right?
BROWNSTONE
Last time I checked.
HARLEY
Well what puts you on any moral high ground
above me or anyone else that does what I do?
BROWNSTONE
Were living in a tough time here partner,
these days you've got cut corners just to see tomorrow.
I mean we've got a planet filled to the brim with the walkin' dead.
Way I see it, the world is divided into two camps of people. The ones who've got the brains to get ahead and the ones who got no brains and they're all dead.
So you gonna go with the man canon or what?
HARLEY
Yeah, I'll take it. Just gimme that and the med pack.
You got cartridges for this thing?
BROWNSTONE
KKK and yes I do. Alright that's a sum
total of twelve rations my brother.
They exchange.
HARLEY
Brother from another grandmother. Alright,
pleasure doin' business with ya' Mr. Brownstone.
BROWNSTONE
Pleasures all mine Harley.
The screen fades out.
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CHAPTER 1. THE HORRIBLE BIKER MASSACRE - 1. INT. VINTAGE 74' CAMARO (MOVING) - VERY EARLY MORNING
The camera fades in inside a car with a man bleeding in the backseat of a vintage Camaro.
Another man is driving. The one in the back bleeding violently and WRITHING in pain is black, while the one in the driver's
seat is white. The white man is wearing a leather jacket, a blood splattered
blue T-shirt, and jeans. The black man is wearing a purple suit jacket, an orange button down shirt,
purple formal pants, and reddish multicolored tie. He is a big man with a handlebar mustache and the white guy is smaller with spiked up hair, blue eyes, and leather gloves. The black guy is Lawrence and the white guy Marv.
LAWRENCE
Fuck! Aughhhh! I'm gonna fuckin' die! I'm fucking dying!
MARV
Were you fuckin' bit? Were you fuckin' bit!? Hello!? Say something please!?
Were you fuckin' bit?
LAWRENCE
I don't know! I don't know! Oh god! It hurts so fuckin' bad! Marv, I'm sorry!
I'm so fuckin' sorry!
MARV
No, no don't be sorry! It wasn't your fault big guy! C'mon man, look at you! Your
twice my fuckin' size! Your not gonna die!
LAWRENCE
Aughhh! Yeah- but what if I was bit!? I don't even fuckin' know it hurts so bad!
I think I was slashed by the machete on accident but I dunno! I dunno! Ughhh!
MARV
Don't you fuckin' say that! You weren't fuckin' bit! I saw it, I saw it and you did not
get bit! Your fuckin' fine, alright big guy! Were gonna get ya' to Doctor Bob, were gonna call your
cousin and he's gonna fix all this shit right up!
LAWRENCE
Marv, I'm fuckin' passing out! I'm gonna fucking pass out!
MARV
No your not! Oh no your not! Stay with me Lawrence! Stay fuckin' with me! Were gonna get ya'
ta' Doctor Bob and he's gonna make ya' right as rain! Okay buddy? Okay?
LAWRENCE
Okay. (whimpering)... Okay.
The camera fades out.
2. INT. DARK GRUNGY BASEMENT - STILL EARLY MORNING
It fades back in with Marv busting open a door in what appears to
be a dark MUSTY basement. A man follows behind him, he is Doctor Bob. Marv pulls a light
bulb chain and brings light to the room. The room is filled with tools and doctors equipment.
There is a barber's chair in the middle of the room that Marv sets Lawrence down on.
Bob is in a standard doctor attire with dried blood splatters.
MARV
He's passed out now, but he's still breathing.
BOB
Okay. I'll see what I can do. I'll try to get him patched up, but if he's bit were gonna have
to put him down.
MARV
Do you know who this is? Do you have a single fuckin' clue as to who the fuck this
chump is!? He's The Bear's cousin, his own goddamn flesh and blood! Now don't fuckin' tell me you'd
even think about putting a fuckin' bullet through his head on my goddamn fuckin' watch!
BOB
Okay, okay. Chill. I was just sayin' if and only if.
MARV
I don't wanna hear no motherfuckin' ifs. This motherfucker lives or I fuckin' die, plain
and simple. This dumb son of a bitch is me right now and I look like shit. So you better patch
my ass up before I start takin' a dirt nap and you start takin' one a week from now when Sugar Bear
fuckin' finds out.
BOB
Alright. I've got you Marv. Consider it done, all I need from you is to go up stairs
call Sugar Bear and tell him... (looking over at Lawrence)
MARV
Lawrence.
BOB
Lawrence here is doin' A-OK with a capital A.
MARV
Alright, I'll be right back.
The camera follows Marv upstairs in what appears to be a general store. He pulls out his cell phone
and starts to dial.
MARV
Shug' what's poppin'? I'm alright, I'm just callin' to tell you I got that thing done with Lawrence,
but I just gotta stop at my friend Bob's house while I run a quick little errand... yeah, I'll be on my way
back in a few hours or so. Well, not a quick errand but, I'm gonna be pretty occupied with Lawrence here
none the less... I will, okay Big B. see ya' later. Buh-bye.
The camera follows Marv back downstairs. Bob is there smoking a cigarette looking at Lawrence out
cold on the chair.
MARV
What's the word? Is he gonna be alright?
BOB
Oh, glad to see your done PMSing. Good news is he's not bit and he's gonna live.
MARV
Stop right there. Are you implying that there's bad news?
BOB
Well, it's gonna be a little while till we can safely move him. He lost a lot of blood.
MARV
Acuma matata bitch, I got it under control.
An engine roars somewhere outside.
BOB
What the fuck is that?
MARV
Beats me.
BOB
Stay here, I'm gonna take a look.
Bob goes upstairs while Marv stands around over by Lawrence. Bob comes back downstairs
with his hands up and a shotgun behind his back. A biker named Martell is the one with the
shotgun.
MARTELL
Get in that corner over there. Get over there!
Martell walks up to Marv.
MARTELL
Hi. My name's Martell. Welcome to hell.
Martell hits Marv over the head with his shotgun and knocks him out.
The camera fades.
3. EXT. TIGER PIT (ZOO) - EARLY MORNING SUN HALF SHOWING
The camera fades in with a biker looking down at the camera in and out of focus. The
song Cannibal Holocaust by Riz Ortolani is playing in the background. The camera shows Marv rubbing
his head in MUDDLED confusion. The biker's name is Hank. Hank is a short white guy with
a John Wayne cowboy hat on his head with some standard biker attire.
HANK
Wakey Wakey. Eggs and bakey.
MARV
Where the fuck am I?
HANK
Your in a fuckin' tiger pit sleepy head. Don't worry there's no tigers in there
anymore, but we do have a few friends of ours who wanna join your play pen.
MARV
You assholes! What the fuck are you up to!? Cut the shit!
MARTELL
Oh your awake! Perfect timing. I was just about to introduce you to your
new friends. Well you could use a new friend now anyway on a count of we were just about
to get rid of your old one.
MARV
The fuck are you talking about? Bob is right down here next ta' me ya' piece of
shit.
MARV
Oh no. I was talkin' about your blood brother up here. Yeah, looks ta' me like I'd be doin' him
a favor.
MARV
Don't even fuckin' think about it! I'll make you wish you were never even a gleam in your mother's eye,
you piece of shit!
MARTELL
No. You won't.
Martell shoots Lawrence in the chest with a shotgun. Lawrence writhes in more pain and then
dies.
MARV
Goddamn it! God fucking damn it! I'm gonna rip off your balls and make you
wear em' for earrings you biker fuck!
MARTELL
Huh, you know your last name wouldn't happen to be Alzheimer would it?
MARV
(Sneering)
Fuck you!
MARTELL
Ya' see cause I have ta' keep on tellin' ya' this to remind you or whatever, but no, You ain't gonna
kill me, ya' aint gonna touch me, and you sure as shit aint gonna get fuckin' fresh with me.
No, your gonna sit down in that tiger pit while we throw us a little George Romero convention,
with you two as our guests of honor. You know they say the undead, eat
everything on the human body except for the eyes. Kinda paints a funny picture don't it?
Just a' sorta meatless skeleton with a pair a' big blue beady eyes starin' into oblivion.
Martell is smoking a cigarette.
MARV
(Stern full)
Come on! Lets go Lee Van Cleef! Get your Rawhide down in here like a real cowboy!
BOB
What the fuck is happening?
MARV
Bob it's a shit storm here, and were in the eye of a goddamn hurricane.
MARTELL
Listen to me Rowdy Yates. You can either die a slow and painful death by getting' your limbs and
guts torn apart by a pack of flesh hungry ghouls, which sure as your born they will do, or you can suffer
something much worse. I could pull ya' both up on outta'
that pit, march ya' into Hank's garage and have him burn yall' alive with a little gasoline and a blow torch.
Oh by the way this is Hank. Hank, shit-heads, shit-heads, Hank. So I've just gotta' ask you one question.
Which will it be? The slow and horribly painful death or the other slow and painfully horrible death?
MARV
(Smug)
If I guess right can I go for double Jeopardy?
MARTELL
The first one. That is a good choice, that's what I would have went with myself.
See my colleague Hank over here has a cage of about... one, two, three, four...
eight brain deads in the back of his truck, which is quite commodious as a matter of fact. Truthfully the
whole thing is very umm... what's the word I'm looking for?
MARV
(Even more smug)
Homo-erotic?
MARTELL
Accommodating. Yeah, that's it. Hey Hank.
HANK
Yeah?
MARTELL
Empty the cage.
BOB
Why the fuck are you senseless sons of bitches even doing this?
MARTELL
The Partridge Family got canceled. Oh here, I almost forgot.
Martell throws a baseball bat and crowbar into the pit.
MARTELL
I figure I get to watch you do this maybe a little longer than thirty some odd seconds
with that.
HANK
Hang on, lemme turn up the tunes. How bout' a little KWB radio, plays all the hits. I hope you two are fans of the golden oldies.
Hank turns up radio and the song Kung Fu Fighting plays in his car radio. This is shown with a quick cut to Hank Pressing
A button on his radio. The zombies all stumble into the tiger pit. Bob grabs the crowbar and Marv grabs
the baseball bat. They both continue to beat the ever living SHIT out of the zombies. They have small
pauses of thought, trying to conceive a plan to escape. Three of the zombies are wearing blue swat 70's uniforms.
HANK
I'm onna' be right back, I gotta take a piss.
Marv picks up a rock and hits it with his baseball. He hits Martell in the head knocking him out cold as
he fires a shot in the air. Bob then lifts Marv up out of the pit. Hank comes stumbling back in shock.
MARV
Get the fuck back, with your hands up!
Marv then helps Bob up out of the pit.
MARV
Well Bob, what do you think we should do with these two crazy kids?
BOB
Jeez Marv. What shouldn't we do with em'?
MARV
Oh hey I just got a great idea. I swear I could have just had motherfuckin' revelation for a moment
there. Bob?
BOB
Yeah?
MARV
Load em' in the truck. Were gonna see what makes a psychopath tick.
HANK
No don't.
MARV
I'm sorry were you just sayin' something? Oh your all done now, good. Excuse me while I give
you and your statement there a little consideration.
Marv knocks Hank out with the shotgun's butt end. Bob tosses Marv the keys to Hank's
truck. The screen then fades to black as they drive off.
4. INT. CABALOORE CLUB - EARLY MORNING SUN IS UP
The screen fades in on a white guy drinking at the bar of a club, filled to the brim with blue black lights.
The white guy's name is Larson. He's a tough looking man with a head of light orange hair spiked up.
His facial hair consists of scruff. He is wearing a black Zeppelin T and baggy goth pants. The song
You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate is playing in the background. The club is also generally isolated during that time of day.
LARSON
See arson has a lot more to it than most people give it credit for. It ain't just lighten fires and
blowin' shit up. Any Pillok with a box a' matches can do that. It's all about technique. I mean you've gotta'
have some malicious finesse when your lightin' up a building or some shit town monument. Like I was
doin' a job one time down in Acapulco, I set fire to this Cathedral some gringo wanted me to burn down.
I made this whole opaque collage of gasoline around the alter, the ambry, the ambo, the monastery, fuck it even the fuckin' steeples. When I set it on fire, I was almost disappointed to see it burn away like that. It just lit up like Christmas morning. I mean what do you think about this kinda' work, and don't gimme some knee-jerk, tip toe fuckin' answer neither. C'mon, it's art, crime, bullshit, or what?
The bartender muffles.
BARTENDER
(Disinterest)
I don't know man, whatever milks your goat.
LARSON
Fuckin' right. That's what I thought.
Bob and Marv come crashing in with Lawrence. They set him down on a table and the bartender runs over.
BARTENDER
Hey, hey, hey, is that guy okay?
BOB
Only okay for a dead guy.
BARTENDER
Fuck me. What happened?
MARV
You don't even wanna know. Where the fuck is he?
BARTENDER
Big B? Just missed him. He's out getting' groceries.
MARV
Alright, Bob you cover him up with somethin', and I guess I'll have ta' be the bear of bad news and tell the Bear.
Marv goes into another room more isolated. He spends time calming down and getting prepared and
practicing what to say. He then takes a deep breath and calls the Bear.
The camera fades.
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