I echo much of what people above have said.
Also it's a bit clunky after the superimpose and visually you're superimposing that over the character in the Saloon.
My recommendation?
Establishing shot of the Saloon from outside, closed sign in the "winder". Super that. Then transition inside to him wiping down the bar. (or an even better suggestion below)
Then it appears to me that you are intending to have him have some kind of Telekinesis.
Why is a coin left on the bar? IMHO I'd have him spot it on the ground, retrieve it, place it on the counter and then have your super be over that with a "Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Territory" (it wasn't a state yet) and then have the DATE be borrowed from the bottom of the coin (Morgan Silver Dollar anyone?)
Then have him focus on it, concentrate, etc. and then says it "floats/levitates up and hovers".
Also you need to switch around the next action. Mary bursts in BEFORE the coin drops. Something along the lines of "floats slightly above the counter. MARY MARSHALL (23) bursts through the Saloon doors. Alec's concentration is broken. The coin drops to the bartop" or something like that. Keep the actions sequential if possible. Coin hovers, Mary bursts in, Alec loses concentration/is startled, whatever, coin falls.
Heck I'd even do it thus (this is my purely amateur suggestion which could be crap so grains of salt and all):
EXT. SALOON - DAY - ESTABLISHING
A wooden clapboard saloon. Glass winders and closed sign on the door (or sign on the door reads "Closd" or whatever)
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
ALEC BARNES (19) moves down the bar wiping it with a rag. He spots a coin on the ground and retrieves it, wipes it and places it on the bar.
C.U. - Shiny Morgan Silver Dollar - 1889
SUPERIMPOSE: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Territory
Alec looks around to make sure he's alone. His eyes and face turn serious as he focuses on the coin. It jiggles and then lifts a foot into the air and hovers.
The Saloon door bursts open as MARY MARSHALL (23) rushes in, newspaper held before her.
Alec's concentration broken/shattered. The coin drops to the bar.
ALEC
Mary, blah, blah blah.
MARY
I know but blah, blah blah.
Mary lays the newspaper on the bar, blah,blah, blah.
Now, excise Alec's "when did this happen" because he can read and has a newspaper right in front of him.
Actually that whole thing gets a little weird. First the bank robberies happened a week ago. Second Mary just brought in a newspaper that is reporting on them. Third Alec is asking why he hasn't heard about something that happened a week ago but supposedly just got reported in the paper. How would he have heard about it before then if the newspaper is just reporting it?
I think the newspaper itself can help you out because the details would be there and Alec would be able to glean them from there (same as the "Giants" he read).
"This newspaper's a week old!" "Says here they've hit banks in Blah, blah, blah before this!"
I get the intent to transition from the news items to the "you're spending too much time working" dialogue and my challenge would be to make that happen more natural.
Maybe something along the lines of "You don't have to worry. They're robbing banks, not saloons and you never leave this place anyways." or some such.
A couple of grammar items. "I think it's better THAT I stay here." Than means he should take the Deputy job instead of staying there.
You could also condense much of the dialogue. Especially things where the same thing is repeated without adding much.
ALEC
That’s nice and all Mary, but I
think it’s better THAT I stay here.
ALEC
It’s better if I stay at the
saloon. Trust me.
That kind of stuff.
Good luck and it sounds interesting! Keep writing!