Problems with length.

EddieNES

Member
Hello everyone,

I’ve recently finished my first attempt at a screenplay and pretty much tripled what an average length should be.

I was just wondering if someone could give some pointers on what exactly I’ve done wrong, as I feel this story could easily be done under 2 hours.

I 100% don’t expect anyone to read this in its entirety.

My only source for making this has been Google, so any blatant formatting issues would be appreciated as well.

Thanks for any help.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1U0OAS41fiXJyG066ajrZ1p0wNn3BcFO4/view?usp=drivesdk
 
I'm not a screenwriter, but I've worked on A LOT of projects doing audio post.

Hone down to the core elements of your story. The first feature on which I did audio post had an initial length of almost 150 minutes (2 1/2 hours). The director was fortunate enough to receive some assistance from two "Hollywood" types who knew what they were doing. The film had too many "sides plots," etc. They stripped it down to essentials and the final edit was 89 minutes. It won two major festivals and was well received at many others.

The invaluable lesson I learned was if you cannot describe your project in ten (10) words or less you have problems. Not actually realistic, but it does help narrow things down to essentials. As I'm sure others will say, "show, don't tell," so look for unnecessary exposition.

Michelangelo was supposed to have said that the sculpture was already in the marble, all he had to do was chip away the unneeded bits. Right now you have a block of marble; chip away the unneeded bits.
 

peacemaker

Member
I didn't read the script. There are few things you can do. Because it is a 400 page script, I assume there may be few subplots. See if you could take out a subplot or two to see whether the story would still function. Also, don't feel the need to explain everything. Some backstory can be left out for the audience to connect the dots.
 
Yeah....micster..but if the story is great the "The Franchise" might want the idea...How about this one though
EddieNES, write more...200 extra pages gets you 10 one hour episodes...or a trilogy...ijs
 
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Quality

Member
By your title I thought I was about to delete some viagra spam... ;)
I thought the same thing too. xD

You said you could do this in 2 hours? It looks more like 6 judging by the page count. And why would you write a copyrighted screenplay that doesn't belong to you for so long?
 

BBfilms

Member
im always amazed by peoples ability to write crazy long things, I have the opposit and often come in slightly short

I did write 'long' as a child (by child writing standards) but that was because I didn't understand structure or pre-planning and wouldn't know how to end so just kept writing more 'middle' sections and it got tedious and boring with confusing sub plots and no end in sight

when I see something like this I assume the writer is new and writing like I did as a child, that they didn't plot out a beat sheet before writing that summed up all necessary points including ending and instead let every bit of crazy in your head flow onto paper (most of which is likely unnecessary)

I also agree with others what made you write TMNT?
that's not your property, why would you remake someone else's unique idea?
you cant just copy someone, they have copyright and even if they don't everyone likely knows your just copy-catting but this is another issue that tends to highlight a new comer, like every new film students who exactly copies Tarantino, yes it seems 'cool' because that's what you like but we already have a Tarantino and we already TMNT

why don't you write 'the Old Toxic Samurai Badgers' or something its clearly a bit ripoff-y but you can make it your own with time... who knows maybe 'kung-fu panda' was once inspired by 'ninja turtles' sounds as silly as each other lol
 

EddieNES

Member
im always amazed by peoples ability to write crazy long things, I have the opposit and often come in slightly short

I did write 'long' as a child (by child writing standards) but that was because I didn't understand structure or pre-planning and wouldn't know how to end so just kept writing more 'middle' sections and it got tedious and boring with confusing sub plots and no end in sight

when I see something like this I assume the writer is new and writing like I did as a child, that they didn't plot out a beat sheet before writing that summed up all necessary points including ending and instead let every bit of crazy in your head flow onto paper (most of which is likely unnecessary)

I also agree with others what made you write TMNT?
that's not your property, why would you remake someone else's unique idea?
you cant just copy someone, they have copyright and even if they don't everyone likely knows your just copy-catting but this is another issue that tends to highlight a new comer, like every new film students who exactly copies Tarantino, yes it seems 'cool' because that's what you like but we already have a Tarantino and we already TMNT

why don't you write 'the Old Toxic Samurai Badgers' or something its clearly a bit ripoff-y but you can make it your own with time... who knows maybe 'kung-fu panda' was once inspired by 'ninja turtles' sounds as silly as each other lol
I wrote about TMNT because I like them and I was disappointed in the last 2 movies. I wouldn’t exactly call this me being a copy cat. More, respecting the lore.

Aren’t people hired to write all these superhero movies? I simple wrote a story about something I like.

Apologies to everyone, but I’m proud of my story.
 

directorik

IndieTalk's Resident Guru
I wrote about TMNT because I like them and I was disappointed in the last 2 movies. I wouldn’t exactly call this me being a copy cat. More, respecting the lore.

Aren’t people hired to write all these superhero movies? I simple wrote a story about something I like.

Apologies to everyone, but I’m proud of my story.
No need to apologize. People are just letting you know the
realities of the business.

Yes, people are hired to write all these superhero movies.
You weren't hired. That's all people are saying. It's fun
to write using characters you like. It does seem like a lot
effort on something you can't do anything with. But it's
good experience.

Your format looks fine to me after a quick look. I didn't
read much - just three pages - but I scrolled through about
200 pages.

Do you have plans to write something original?
 

EddieNES

Member
Yes I do plan on it. That’s why I came here for the length and formatting questions. I wasn’t sure if I simple wrote too much or I was being too descriptive.

I do appreciate all the feedback.

I plan on watching the video as soon as I get a break from work.
 

EddieNES

Member
yes, Professional writers who has a successful track record on the prequel of that superhero movie. Have you watched the video I've sent?
Finally got to the video. All good points.

Time to build an audience with people willing to read a 400pg script. :lol:
 
After reading a bit, my recommendation would be:

Cut down on all the very specific direction in the action lines.

Trim out a lot of the redundant dialogue. By redundant I mean that dialogue that tells us what we already see through action or that we can logically deduce without having to be told.
 

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