I thought I'd give in to the temptation of posting a short, first draft scene from pilot show mentioned here -- http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=42094
(snip)
(snip)
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tv-writing Pilot Show Scene
- Thread starter Timewarp Adventures
- Start date
Sorry about that. Developed an extreme undertainty about what was posted. I think, if you're hung-up about spoilers it's probably best to post nothing at all. It'll bruise my confidence to elicit possible confusion or apathy about a scene that was really quite static. :-/
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It's not clear what kind of feedback you want. Giving a scene out of context doesn't give much help in assessing the story arc. What you've provided is so guarded that any comments would be totally conjecture. It took a long time to figure out the sexes of your alphabet. The dialogue isn't bad but what you wrote isn't very visual. You're right, the formatting makes it difficult to follow. My suggestion is that you simply convert your original script to a PDF. To protect yourself, just mount the first 10 pages on GoogleDocs, MediaFire or some text sharing service. Most professional readers will make a decision by the first ten pages whether to continue or pass. The first ten pages are the important part--it introduces your characters, the central issues and shows how well you can set cliffhangers to draw the audience back from commercials in a TV script. The last part with the wolf sounded reminiscent of "Being Human".
Anyway, you haven't provided anything substantive enough to give feedback upon given the alphabet soup and lack of context (what are their relationships? what is the story?). With this level of hesitancy to share, it's probably best that you go with your gut feelings. Commenting on the script at this point would be premature and speculative at best. Cheers.
Anyway, you haven't provided anything substantive enough to give feedback upon given the alphabet soup and lack of context (what are their relationships? what is the story?). With this level of hesitancy to share, it's probably best that you go with your gut feelings. Commenting on the script at this point would be premature and speculative at best. Cheers.
If your goal is a TV Pilot, you will need a story bible and character sheets to go along with it.
You mission, if you so choose to take it, is to convince a producer you have something worth making into a series that can last. Who are the main characters? What is their interaction? How do these characters arc. You need a story overview for a series too. Give us some back story.
You are showing too much dialogue and not enough descriptions. Paint a visual scene with words. If you don't know how, take up a life drawing class and learn to pay attention to the details before your eyes to train your inner eyes.
You mission, if you so choose to take it, is to convince a producer you have something worth making into a series that can last. Who are the main characters? What is their interaction? How do these characters arc. You need a story overview for a series too. Give us some back story.
You are showing too much dialogue and not enough descriptions. Paint a visual scene with words. If you don't know how, take up a life drawing class and learn to pay attention to the details before your eyes to train your inner eyes.
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Well, sorry for being as ass generally there. Realised I couldn't possibly post anything of substance without putting more out there than I want to. C'est la vie!
Do have character detail and, actually, two series plotted out. The trouble is not wanting to... I don't know, maybe there's an element of superstitition creeping in and I'm not superstitious.
Being Human comment only *mildly* depressing, BTW!!
Do have character detail and, actually, two series plotted out. The trouble is not wanting to... I don't know, maybe there's an element of superstitition creeping in and I'm not superstitious.
Being Human comment only *mildly* depressing, BTW!!