Parenthetical Question

[resgame]

Is it possible to use parentheticals too much?

I like to do it under each character name, usually the way that the person is to speak the dialog, most of my parentheticals are for emotion of how their saying the dialog.

Using it each time too much or?

Here is a project I'm working on for CSS: http://www.mediafire.com/?3x4diedjg9v7gwx

Am I using it too much? OR should I just put what is 100% necessary?

Thanks!

 

[rayw]

No one wants download nothing on their computer, so upload a PDF to google docs or something.

And pretty much NEVER include parentheticals.
Only when there's a three or more people in the scene and the speaker is changing whom he/she is addressing mid-dialog.

INT. HOME OFFICE - NIGHT
TOM, DICK, and HARRY, 30-something triplets, sit at the computer staring at the screen.

			TOM
		What is going on here?

			DICK
		You keep fat fingering the 
		caps lock button because 
		you're not paying--

			HARRY
		Stop it! Just quit, will 
		ya?! Jeeze. You two are 
		such bickering babies.
			(to Tom)
		YOU! Pay attention!
			(to Harry)
		YOU! Quit yelling.

What you DON'T want to do is...

INT. HOME OFFICE - NIGHT
TOM, DICK, and HARRY, 30-something triplets, sit at the computer staring at the screen.

			TOM
			(incredulous)
		What is going on here?

			DICK
			(irritated)
		You keep fat fingering the 
		caps lock button because 
		you're not paying--

			HARRY
			(authoritative)
		Stop it! Just quit, will 
		ya?! Jeeze. You two are 
		such bickering babies.
			(to Tom)
		YOU! Pay attention!
			(to Harry)
		YOU! Quit yelling.

THAT is bad, bad, bad usage of parentheticals.
If the appropriate tone isn't fairly obvious from the story events and dialog it may need to be reworked all the way around.

 

[resgame]

Here is the viewing version: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?3x4diedjg9v7gwx

Have a look and you let me know if I'm in the wrong. Thanks.

 

[NickClapper]

Yes, you are using them wrongly. You are trying to use the parentheses to direct the actors- all information the actors and director need should be conveyed by the actions and dialogue, writing 'disbelief' in parenthesis is unnecessary to the point of wrongness.

I will, occasionally, use parenthesis to add a bit of extra direction but only when the dialogue's tone is ambiguous and it can't be addressed in the action. This happens maybe once in every 100 pages I write.

 

[rayw]

Yeah, what you did there is a major no-no.

Those emotional directions are completely unnecessary.
Delete all of them.
The director and actors can figure out how to direct and act based upon the actions and dialog.


Also, turn off your screenwriting program's "mores and continueds" feature.
Everyone can tell that there's more blabbin' going on at the end of the page.
It just wastes lines telling people what they can figure out for themselves.

And "FADE IN" is justified left.

 

[resgame]

So this this is wrong?

Because that's what I was doing.

So if that's true, then just about everything can be put into the dialog and action which means I won't ever really used a parenthetical?

 

[resgame]

I've taken out ALL of the parentheticals, is this 100% correct now? lol..

http://www.mediafire.com/view/?u2xjtxcg2yt70zv

So I revised the actions to include the previous parentheticals. But I think I need to add some parentheticals like this one. Instead of,

SPENCER looks towards the rest of the team.

SPENCER

Why rob someone when we could rob a place?

I should remove the action when it's addressing someone and add the parenthetical?

SPENCER
(to the team)
Why rob someone when we could rob a place?

 

[Caidh Mor]

In your instance there you probably don't even need the parentheticals to specify that he's addressing the team unless there are a number of other characters in the scene that could confuse the direction. If Spencer and his team are the major character in that moment, then the line should be pretty self-explanatory.

Besides, if the actor feels like they should be interpreting the line differentlyy, it's not bad to let them give it a go, sometimes they bring in some real magic...

 

[resgame]

Revising now!

 

[resgame]

I went ahead and revised it yet again and I removed some unnecessary actions and 98% of the parentheticals. I guess I was confused because I have 5 main characters all talking so it was messing me up.

I honestly believe its perfect now and that I couldn't do any better. If I'm still doing something wrong then please let me know because I think I really have it this time.

New: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?tm6dtypvubys4gq

How is it now? xD

OT: When you see the part in the script, "..............." which is meant to be silent dialog from a character, how do I put silence into dialog? Should I remove the dialog and character name and just leave the action stating the silence from him?

Thanks!!!

 

[rayw]

So this this is wrong?

Because that's what I was doing.
Understood.
You just missed the part in that second paragraph:

"Parentheticals should be short, to the point, descriptive, and only used when absolutely necessary.

These days, Parentheticals are generally disfavored, because they give direction to an actor that may not be appropriate once on the set. The slang term for them is "wrylies" as in:"​

Pretty much just use them when the character changes dialog address between other characters in the scene.

So if that's true, then just about everything can be put into the dialog and action which means I won't ever really used a parenthetical?
Bingo.
You may not even need to put it in the dialog.

EXT. DESERT PLANET PLAINS - DAY
Kirk and Spock stand over Bones kneeling at a dying red shirt, 
injecting potion after potion into him.

		BONES
	Dammit, man! Why aren't 
	you responding!

		KIRK
	Have you calibrated your...
	thingie, squirty, syringie
	thingie dingy in the last
	3,000 miles?

		SPOCK
	Sir, I believe the correct
	term would be 3,000
	injections.

The red shirt dies, Bones' tricorder emits flat tone.

		BONES
		(to Spock)
	Damn your pointy green ears!
	The correct term would be 
	3,000 administrations!
		(to Kirk)
	And, yes! I've calibrated
	my thingie, squirty, syringie
	thingie dingy in the last
	3,000 in the last goddam
	administrations!

I went ahead and revised it yet again and I removed some unnecessary actions and 98% of the parentheticals. I guess I was confused because I have 5 main characters all talking so it was messing me up.
Much better, but still needs some wrylie chopping.

I honestly believe its perfect now and that I couldn't do any better. If I'm still doing something wrong then please let me know because I think I really have it this time.
FADE IN is justified left, not right.
No period at the ends of slug lines.
Delete "The day begins with the"
Replace "doing nothing but moving ever so slightly bylooking around at their surroundings because of" with "mill about with"
Unless this is a script you're going to shoot yourself, delete all camera angles that the eventual director will decide for him/herself: "ANGLE ON - ALL 5 ELEMONATORS STANDING BEHIND THEIR LEMONADESTAND."
Replace "as he uses the jabbing motion of his knife." with ", stabs the air with a paring knife."
Again, turn off your screenwriting program's "mores & continueds" feature. Please.
You can eliminate the customer's wrylie, since Preston serves him it can be sensibly deduced.
Eliminate the (Fleeing) wrylie since the customer is already running away. That's redundant. That's redundant.
Eliminate (To The Team) since that's kind of obvious.
Etc.

Nope.
You still have lots to pare out.

New: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?tm6dtypvubys4gq

How is it now? xD
Better.
Still needs pruning.
Give this fat bastard a good trimming.

OT: When you see the part in the script, "..............." which is meant to be silent dialog from a character, how do I put silence into dialog? Should I remove the dialog and character name and just leave the action stating the silence from him?
Yup. The latter.
Player gives blank stare in return.

Thanks!!!

Keep at it.

Everyone WRITES! No one quits!