archived-videos Office / Spinal Tap style short film - let me know what you think!

it was really good. you would be suprised how many film makers are actually like that. the actor was quite good. not ricky gerveis standard but quite good. ye i liked.
 
Well, my first note would be that the movie could be about half the length, maybe even less. A few of the jokes were a little bit too stressed and obvious. I thought it might have been a plan to pick out some of the funniest moments and build around them.

It feels a little like a first draft of the script; after a closer inspection of the text some of the stronger moments could have been developed a lot more

There were only a couple of times where I didn't see the joke coming

I feel this could be a really strong sketch, but like most great sketches, the subject matter consisted of about 45secs of laughing maximum.
 
Hey guys thanks for checking it out!!! I love the feedback!

That's one thing I still have trouble with: length. Whether it's screenplays or short films, I just can't get them down to a good length. I fall in love with stuff and can't bring myself to cut it. But I am getting better, I actually did cut a couple scenes from the movie this thread is about. And my first screenplay I ever wrote when I was 16, the first draft was 265 pages so nothing is as bad as that! :lol:

This was something of a first draft -- I actually wrote most of it years ago as something to potentially make and submit to Spielberg's reality show "On The Lot." (remember that? It was a bit of a failure, to put it lightly.)

I appreciate the feedback guys! I definitely will be submitting more stuff hear to get some more advice!
 
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